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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Janimal
member
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
S/O Describe your Dad...and...
Janimal
member
I was raised by my Mom and my relationship with my Dad was odd, and is now non existant (my choice). He is a sociopath who I saw sporadically throughout my life until I made the decision to cut him off at 21 - and believe me, I had my reasons. He's a criminal.
I wondered a great deal while I was pregnant what it would be like to have a DAD in the house. Growing up for me meant MOM did everything. I am THRILLED by daughter has a great Dad and am so glad she will grow up with a healthy male role model. But it's weird for me sometimes. She will have a real Dad and I see how that works. I am so glad she will have what I didn't, a loving Father in her life who will love and cherish her forever.
SO...
Describe your Dad.
And
How do you think who your Dad is affects how you look at your DH?
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O Describe your Dad...and...
My dad is active duty Army. He is Special Forces and wasn't/isn't home very often. He's kind of set the bar for how I look and view men in general. He's a hero in the truest sense of the word and watching him risk his life and leave his family over and over again gave me such an appreciation for the men and women that serve our country. He inspires me to literally "be all I can be" and I'm so proud to call him my dad.
My husband has a similar personality to my father, but I couldn't marry someone who was never home. I have severe anxiety about my husband going away, so he has only spent the night away from me a handful of times in our relationship.
My dad is a farmer, and so he actually watched me a lot when I was younger. ?I'm finding it hard to sum him up actually. ?He has always given great advice with room for me to draw my own conclusions and make my own decisions. ?
I appreciate characteristics that are similar in DH and my dad, but I totally respect my DH's differences too. ??
I never knew my dad. My parents were divorced by the time I was 6 months old and my mom had stopped trying to force him to pay child support before I was two. I've had on again off again relationships with his family over the years, but that's weird, too, since my aunt passed away.
DH grew up without a mother in a very similar situation; so I think we're made for each other. We struggle because neither of us is used to relying on someone from the opposite sex (I expect a lot more from women than men and he is the opposite). But, I look forward to DH doing all of the things that I never did with my dad, like sports, as he gets older.
I'm surprised because I always thought I'd have fear about him staying; but I really believe that no matter what happens in this world he will always be there for his kids.
I love my dad, I love my step-dad, but they both colored my view of fatherhood with their mistakes.
My dad growing up was the one we did fun things with, he was irresponsible and didn't parent. He was the guy I saw every other weekend. When he and my step-mom had my little sister I was very resentful - she has had a completely different experience with him
My step-dad was a hard-ass and had very rigid form of discipline, he also treated my sister and I different than the four kids he had with my mom (all boys) I was afraid of him growing up
That being said, DH is a wonderful father and one I would have liked to have for myself. I'm glad my kids won't have the same father figure issues I had growing up and still struggle with today.
Sorry about your dad...that sucks.
I have always been a daddy's girl. My dad and I have a good relationship. I have a good relationship with both my parents. We still see each other 1-2 times a week. It is odd when I don't hear from one of my parents at least every other day.
That said, now that I am older I see that my dad didn't really "help" my mom with my sister and I. He was always golfing, working or watching TV. He loved us but he wasn't like making us dinner and getting us ready for school. Because of this, I try to make sure my DH is a equal contributor.
i'm close to both my parents, but i really have a strong relationship with my father. we share many of the same interests and he's always been 100% supportive of anything I did growing up. and he is HILARIOUS! if i'm having a bad day i can call him and i instantly feel better (i talk to my parents almost every day). i truly can't imagine him not being around.
i think in terms of boyfriends and, eventually, DH my dad shaped my opinion on how a woman should be treated. it also helped form my priorities in a person - intelligence, integrity, sense of humor.
My dad cheated on my mom (several times probably) and left when I was 10. He is a great guy, but was a terrible husband. He's a "fun" dad...but certainly not always there. Even now, we only live about 10 mins away from each other and I maybe see him once or twice a month, maybe. I know he loves me and DS, but he's like an 18-year-old. Partying all the time, no job...
Thus, my brother is a lot like him. And not very respectful of my mom. (Wonder where he learned that!)
Due to his cheating and my ex-stepdad's cheating, I have a fear of my DH cheating. But I know he never would. He is the best man I've ever known. I am so happy J will have a positive role model for a father. Sometimes I worry about DS growing up and being like my brother is to my mom, but then I realize that my H never treats me with disrespect, so J won't ever see that behavior. I am very lucky to have married such an amazing person.
Wow, that was long. But therapeutic!
My father is just a great person. He and my mother were very young (21 and 18) when they found out she was pregnant. They have been nothing but great role models for me. They didn't get married while they were really pressured by their families to do so. They wanted to make sure it was right for them and were married when I was 2.5 years old (I was the flower girl:).
They both finished college and have been married for 25 years. I know it's been hard, we had NO money growing up but they did what they had to do and raised us in a very loving home. We are such a close family. They are the BEST grandparents.
My father was severely injured while in the Marines (before I was born) and has dealt with being 100% disabled since he was 20 years old. They didn't think he would walk again and he was in a coma for 3 weeks so they didn't think he would live at all when it first happened. He helps other veterans get what they deserve and helps them know their rights after being injured while serving.
My father and my husband are very similar. My father was always there and is a great dad and so is DH. They are both crazy about their children. I have to tell you because of what my parents went through it was VERY important to me that I be married before I had children.
Sorry that got so long...
My dad traveled a lot with his work when we were young. He would always make sure that he took us on family vacations or take extended weekends during the summer. We had a houseboat growing up and he taught us how to take apart and rebuild jetski's and all sorts of fun things. He was my hero growing up and I loved him immensely. I say loved him, because he suffered a life altering stroke 13 years ago today. He looks like the same man, but he isn't the same father I once knew. It breaks my heart that my daughter will never know the man who I once called my hero. When he holds her now, he forgets what her name is, or is mad that I didn't have a boy. I know, all symptoms of the stroke on the emotional level, but it is still hard.
When I look at DH and compare him to my dad, I see a lot of similar traits. They look kinda similar, but they have the same devotion to their daughter (me and DD).
Didn't reply in parents' affair post but could have...
My father wore Armani suits and Italian leather jackets. He smoked Cuban cigars and drank expensive red wine from crystal goblets. He got manicures. He left my frumpy, SAH, home-body mother for a woman who wore snazzy couture and dangly earrings. He held the chain/post things at my brothers' football games, but brought a portable tv to my cheerleading competitions. He didn't know what to do with a little girl.
I sound bitter but am not, really-- more wounded.
I saw the aftermath of their divoce on my mother, knew what it was to be left by a man you needed in your life.
Because of him, I grew up ferociously independent and fiercely driven. College, grad school, career-- all to make my own way and never have to be left high and dry when someone I trusted skipped out.
my dad is one of the best guys around, IMO. i have pretty awesome parents. he is an entrepreneur--started a computer sales & service business when i was 5 and sold it when i was 18. on top of running that, he still managed to coach at least one team that my sister & i were on. he never missed a basketball game (took stats, even!) or cross country meet.
he danced with me at my wedding, even though he has never (not even at my parents' wedding) danced at a wedding. i told him he didn't have a choice, and he just did it. he came out here when shepherd had surgery, and is just a great grandpa to all his grandkids. honestly though, i'd be lost without either of my parents.
/end puppies & rainbows
He is my Dad, my Mom and my best friend.
My parents separated when I was 10 and my dad got full custody of me and my 5 year old sister. I thank that judge everyday in my prayers that he put us with my dad. He fought hard to get us and proved that he could give us a better and more stable life than my mom. My sister and I are so blessed to have a great father that has always been hands on. I still call him first when I have problems no matter what it is. He has been married to my step mom for 15 years now and I couldn't ask for a better "mom". I am truly blessed.
My mom is in my life, but has never been a true mother to me. It breaks my heart when I see how close my friends are with their mothers. The only thing that I can do now is make sure I am the mom I never had to my kids.
You could write a memoir. That was so interesting and well-written.
I am very blessed to have an incrdible father. I adore him. He is a strong willed individual but he always taught my brother and I the value of integrity and honesty. He is funny, smart and incredibly generous. Like his daughter, he has a short temper... but cools down quickly.
Its hard to describe my parents since I know them so well. Its like describing myself - hard to do. I love my dad. He is very funny, as a kid he was always making me laugh, reading me stories with silly voices, dancing around with me. He loves holidays and still makes me (and DH) give him Christmas lists! He's smart and always up on current events (he also shares my political views, so that makes me like him even more:). He is always 100% supportive of me and I have always felt I was the most important person in his life, even when he got remarried.
My DH grew up without a dad (his father was a drug addict who was murdered the first year we were together). He also didn't really have any good male role models. The fact that we have completely opposite experiences with our dads affects us both. He expects me to do everything with DS...I finally had to sit him down and tell him that the everyday care...changing, feeding, bathing, etc, is how he will bond with DS. DS needs to know he can count on Dad for any and everything - Dad will tend to his every need to same as Mama will.
Anyway, I hope one day DS loves DH as much as I love my Dad.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
My dad rocks. He is a wonderful husband, father, and now grandfather. He was in the military and often worked too much, which he feels guilty about sometimes, but he is an honorable, hardworking, and loving man.
We don't let him around tools, though. It's just safer for everyone.
I just realised that I have been posting over here today and technically DD isn't 6 months until Sunday. I think I am just tired of the 0-6 board so if there are no objections I will just hang out here inbetween loads of laundry!
My dad is wonderful but I know he isn't perfect. My parents were married at 19 and had me at 20 so I think in alot of ways he didn't know what to do with me when I was younger because he was still a kid. We would play together and I know he loved me but he was also busy with finishing school and then working to provide for us. When I was about 10 we started going on father-daughter dates every few months. I think this is when he started to get to know me as a person. We have certainly had our up and down times (14 was rough and he wasn't initially too keen on me and DH getting married) but he has always been there to listen.
He and my mom also have a strong marriage and I believe laid a great foundation for myself and my siblings in regards to how a marriage should work (partnership). I have seen them both make sacrifices for each other and DH and I have looked to their example many times over the past 3 years. I know that my siblings and I are extremely lucky to have grown up in our family and it is certianly my goal that we provide such a home for DD as well.
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
Simply put, my dad is my hero! I feel like I am who I am today because of all the good lessons he taught me. He never blamed anyone for the hand that he was dealt. He just sucked it up and lived his life the best way he knew how.
I definitely wanted to find a man with similar traits as my father. Hard working, respectful, emotionally strong, humble and sensitive. I am so glad I found that and more in my life partner.
A few months ago my father commented on what a great father Naaman is. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside when he said that. To have my father's support is wonderful.
And he is SUCH a wonderful grandpa too!
when i was growing up, my dad was always very quiet, not good about expressing emotions, and physically there, but emotionally kinda not. my parents were 17 when they got PG with me, and my dad shipped off to DFW for basic training before i was born. he came back when i was 5 weeks old and proposed to my mom. they were married when i was 5 months, and moved back to DFW so my dad could finish out his airforce stuff.
when they moved back to OH, they moved in with my mom's parents until they could get back on their feet -- we ended up living there for 18 years. i can only imagine how living with your ILs will leach every ounce of selfesteem you have, and i'm fairly positive that was a large part of his unhappiness and a big reason for his affair.
once he and my mom bought their first house, we instantly saw a change in him. when i got married, he got even better. and when we had DS, well, he's almost normal now. =] i think he's just happy that i turned out all right and did things "in the right order" (college, marriage, house, kid) since he didn't.
my DH is a lot more outgoing than my dad, but i do notice that when he is upset about something, he tends to clam up just like my dad. he knows how much my dad's behavior hurt me growing up, so when i point out that he's acting like my dad used to, he tries to rectify it.
My Dad is a huge part of my life still. He has always been there for me, my DH and my brother. He worked hard when we were kids to give us everything we wanted, and I never knew that until I was older. He is very loving, affectionate, and patient.
He actually lives with DH and I 3 days a week while he works since my parents live 200 miles away and his work is 5 miles from our house. DH is a lot like my dad, they get along really well, and they are always doing nice things for DH. I KNOW I wouldn't be who I am today without my dad in my life, and I couldn't be more thankful. My mother is my best friend, so we all are really close.
My dad's a self-loathing genius. The smartest man I know. Also the most sarcastic, which isn't always a good thing. He's a borderline alcoholic, overly sensitive, and has a short fuse.
He can talk about anything, and reads absolutely everything. He goes to bed around 10pm, and is up around 2am, just to read and make things in the garage. He re-taught himself trigonometry so he could learn to be a surveyor without modern equipment. He's a lawyer by trade, so this really is out of the blue. He's a complete eccentric. I can sit for hours and just talk to him. He's hilarious. He'll snap at anyone for anything, but then mope if you ever criticize him because he takes it so personally. My stepmom is a saint.
He loves his family, and despite giving us a hard time about pretty much anything, he delights in seeing us, and when we are all home for dinner, stares at us with sappy tears in his eyes at least once.
I inherited my dad's self-loathing, so I'm always sure DH hates me. That's really healthy. My DH is similarly bizarrely brilliant, which I usually like, although sometimes I find it exhausting, just as I find my father's genius exhausting. I find myself sometimes unfairly dismissing him because I'll write him off as strange, which I do all the time with my dad, although with my father I at least pretend. I didn't realize it negatively affected our relationship until I typed all this. Hmm. Food for thought.
My dad was awesome. Always there for us. He was a teacher then vice principal then principal so he got the summers off, evenings off and weekends off and was completely devoted to family.
He was adventurous, traveled the world, served in Alert for years in the army and was always teaching us to respect the world around us and all its inhabitants. He laughed all the time, and had a great ability to laugh at himself, which he taught to us.
I miss him a lot.
My dad would do anything for us when we were growing up. Sometimes I think he made too many sacrifices for us (e.g. my college choice), but he still taught us about responsibility and hard work (e.g. if you want money to spend, get a job). I don't really know how to describe it, but it was the perfect balance. He'd do anything for me, DH and DS. He's the type of dad everyone should be so lucky to have.
I have high standards for the type of father I think my child should have. Luckily, I married a good man, and I think he will have a lot of the same qualities as a father that my dad has.
I haven't talked to my dad in more than two years.
My mom and dad never married so I was really raised by single mother. I saw my dad every 2 weeks and was basically the babysitter to his two younger kids. He also told me when I was young that I was lazy and wouldn't amount to anything.
Our relationship was getting better until two years ago. I stood up for my sister to him and he didn't like that. He started calling me at odd hours in the night leaving harrassing messages on my phone and swearing up a storm. He tried to convince DH that I'm a loser and he is better off without me. My dad is a drunk. He does this all the time and also calls his parents and bashes them at odd hours too.
I called and left a message that he was now a grandfather when DS was born and said he can stop over any time. I made the first step to rekindle it, but he still insists that I call him. He has not made any attempt to fix anything. And I just don't care anymore!
I'm so thankful that DS has an awesome father and that he won't have to go through what I did. It's odd for me to see DH be such a wonderful father, when I never had that relationship. It's something that I wish I had growing up.
I still talk to my dad because he is my dad and is 'a nice guy' but he cheated on his 1st wife for their entire marriage (20+ years) and then cheated on my mom the entire time they were married (20+ years). He was so cheap that we never went to the doctor or the dentist growing up, including when I cracked my foot, got run over by a go cart and wrapped my leg around the tire, and fell in the creek and cut my finger all the way around and to the bone to where it was barely hanging on. He said we 'couldn't afford it'. Well I understand not being able to afford certain things but if it's that bad then you should get a job right? He has only ever had a couple temp jobs my entire life and now lives off a few hundred dollars a month because thats all social security gives him. He is lazy, cheap, negative and won't help anyone for anything unless it will somehow benefit him.
My DH is so different. He has been in the same line of work since he was 17 and makes good money at it. He has wonderful values and knows where his priorities are. He is the polar opposite of my dad and I am thankful for that every day.
I love my Dad, he's awesome. He worked a lot when I was a kid so my mom could SAH, but I have so many memories of him playing with us, taking us places, etc. - probably more than I have of my mom doing those things (love her too though). He also did so much around our house to help my mom out, he never just came home and sat on the couch. He was just always so patient and fun. We didn't have a lot of money so we took weeklong camping trips at a place near our house as vacations, but I have very fond memories of those trips! I'm lucky to have the parents I do.
I think he influenced my choice in a DH because I have pretty high standards for him - I couldn't live with a DH who didn't do (at least) 50% of the household stuff, and my DH is also extremely hands-on with the girls. My Dad and DH get along great and are pretty similar.
My Dad has to be the sweetest man on the whole planet. Incredibily sensitive and loving. He has never met a child or an animal he did not love and who did not immediately love him back. My parents have been married nearly 40 years, so my Dad was always around. He has spent his whole life since my brother and I were born trying to give us the best life possible. My dad was the 3rd oldest in a family of 10 kids. His dad was an alcoholic who had a hard time supporting his family. My dad grew up very poor and when he was 16, my grandmother divorced my grandfather, packed up the youngest 5 kids, and moved to California, leaving the oldest 5 kids behind. At 16, my dad lived on his own and started working after school to support himself, his dad and the youngest of the five kids left behind. Because of his tough upbringing, he vowed that when he had kids, he would do everything he could to give us the best he could. At times when I was growing up, that translated into him working a lot of hours, so there were times we didn't get to spend as much time with him as we would have liked. But, the time he spent was quality time. I have the happiest memories of him giving me piggy back rides to bed everynight until I was way too old to be doing that (I was breaking is back!), recording music off the radio onto tapes, doing puzzle races (of course he would always let us win), and all sorts of other little things that made me so happy. He is such an amazing, selfless person.
As far as impacting how I view DH, I just think it sets a very high standard. I really want my little one to have the same kind of memories of DH that I have of my Dad. So far, so good.
I didn't have contact with my biological father and my mom raised me on her own until I was 5, when she remarried.
My step dad adopted me when I was 7 or so. We've had a semi-rocky relationship while I was growing up. Now we get along wonderfully and really I think its because we dont live together. No matter how many things we've been through though, Im proud to call him Daddy.
I think he really likes DH, but wishes we would have waited to get married.
A couple years ago...
My dad is the bestest of the best. I'm a total daddy's girl and some of my earliest memories are of my dad taking me and my friends out for ice cream late at night when we were having sleepovers, or helping me build a dollhouse piece by piece. He is a flooring installer and I remember coming home from school one day (when I discovered that pink was my favorite color) and having my blue carpet replaced by plush cotton-candy pink carpet. When my parents got divorced I was 15, and he would come to my school during lunch to see me and all my friends had crushes on him. lol. Now he is the best grandfather ever and is completely gaga for Judah (he has to see him a couple times a week or he has withdrawals, and chances are if I take Judah over there he won't be coming home with me that night -- dad says he likes any excuse to cut down his workload and staying home with Judah is the best excuse ever!) Now that I'm older I know what his flaws are -- the biggest being that he is perpetually late and if you need something on Friday you'd be best off telling him you need it Tuesday. lol. But now that I know its just how he is I can deal with it and don't get disappointed, I just give him time. He has always come through for me and now that I'm going back to school he's running himself ragged to help me make it happen.
And as far as DH, they are two peas in a pod. They are similar in many ways and different in others, but my three men (DH, DS, daddy) are the best guys in the world and they all three love each other to pieces. I'm so happy that I have such great men in my life and that Judah will have them too. Not to mention my brother, my fathers 7 brothers and my grandpa. I'm fortunate to come from a family of great fellas.
My father was killed when I was younger than Joseph. My mother remarried when I was 5, and my SF was a distant a$$, given to being physically abusive when he drank, which was more and more over the years. He got a DUI after I left home, which I found repugnant, as my father was killed by a drunk driver. However, my mother left when my youngest sister was 15, and he sobered up in a hurry. Ten years later, he's a completely different person, who moved back in with my mom to help her while she's fighting cancer, babysits my sister's kids almost daily, and is one of Joseph's favorite people in the world.
Did my lack of a real father, and my experience with my SF shape my opinion of men? Oh yeah. There's a reason that one of the things I found most attractive about my husband at the beginning was the fact that he appreciates alcohol, loves wine, but rarely drinks because he doesn't like to be out of control.
my dad is sweet, gentle hearted, hard working and loves his life. he has owned his own graphic design/advertising company since the early 70's (ie: no computers. you had to go to art school to do it back then. we had a dark room, art desks, and a typesetting machine in our old house before comps). he always worked out of home. his computer automatically shut down at 5pm to my brother's little voice that said "its 5 oclock daddy! time to come and play!!" right now my parents are redoing (from scratch basically) a cabin in east texas and even in his late 50's he goes out every weekend to work on it. its amazing to see what he's done. my dad loves my girls so much and he is not one to hide emotion.
he is JUST like my dh. maybe not personality wise all the time, but interests, hobbies, etc are very similar. my dad has a 1959 TR3 in the extra garage that he rebuilt before i was born and it just so happens dh rebuilt the same car in HS. they both were skydivers, they both love woodworking, but my dad is much more mild mannered than my dh. and dh is not as emotional as my dad, but my mom and i DO share stories about our respective MILs who are identical.
i love those guys
My dad is the BEST. He's hilarious, loving, kind, hard-working and loves his family and always puts them first. He has the world's longest fuse. He does everything for my mom. He's very intelligent and interesting. As an adolescent and teenager, he'd drive us anywhere we wanted to. He loves making other people happy.
I'm serious, my dad is one of the nicest people on the PLANET.
That said, I always knew my future H would have some big shoes to fill.
DH grew up in a very different family than I did. His dad was not like mine at all. His step dad could not have been more opposite of my dad. He learned how he wanted to be as a father and a husband by watching his dad/step-dad and NOT doing what they did. That said, there are some gaps to fill, as you can't live your whole life doing what someone else didn't do. He learns as he goes along what those gaps are. He's down for his family. He'd do anything to protect me and Alana. He places us above everyone else.?
So, while there are gaps, he's always looking out for our best interest. He takes my feelings into consideration and has become a wonderful husband, even without a role model.?
My dad was 21 when I was born. He (and my 18 y/o mom) were immature but HUGE hearted-they haven't really changed! My dad is covered in tattoos, LOUD, obnoxious, hard working, immature and loves me unconditionally.
I have taken both the good and bad from my parents-I will definitely try to model my parenting after their unconditional love-BUT, I don't think DS will be riding on the back of a Harley at 5 years old like I was. : )