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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Not sure how to handle this: Dad/SM forgot Arlo's birthday. Long.
So, Arlo's birthday was Wednesday. My dad called that morning and I was hoping it was to wish him a happy birthday, but nope, he just went on and on about all he's been up to lately. I finally said "So, you called on a good day, it's Arlo's birthday!" in a very upbeat tone. He paused and said "Oh, well, happy birthday to Arlo."
So then I got to thinking that he hadn't gotten anything in the mail from them and my step mom is usually really good at getting things out pretty early so they arrive in time for special occasions. I sort of brushed it off a bit and figured a gift or card would arrive for him by Saturday, which was the day of his party. Then Saturday roles by and still nothing, no card, no gift, no phone call, nothing. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became because this NEVER would have happened in a million years with any of the other grand children. Ever. Most of whom live out of state as well (SM has three grandsons and my Dad also has my 7 year old niece, who lives near them in FL).
I emailed my brother about it (nieces Dad) to ask what he thought I should do and I never got a response (nice). But the next morning when I got home from work, there was a message on our answering machine from my SM, (very nervous sounding) wishing Arlo a happy birthday and saying he had a present coming and that it should arrive sometime this week. I KNOW my brother told my dad about the email and called up my SM (who was apparently visiting her own daughter/grand children in South Carolina at the time) and made her call me. SO LAME!! For one, I can't believe my dad would make my step mom do his dirty work for him. Even if she is the one who is usually "in charge" of these things, I do not think she should have been the one to call. How cowardice of my dad, you know? I'm sure he completely blamed her for not remembering. Lame.
So I'm wondering if I should call my dad and confront him about it or not. What do you think? I don't want to make waves, but at the same time the fact that he completely overlooked his first (biological) grandsons 1st birthday is totally unacceptable to me.
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Re: Not sure how to handle this: Dad/SM forgot Arlo's birthday. Long.
Wow, that is odd. It seemed strange to me that he did not say more on the phone once you told him what day it was ...?
I say talk to your Dad about it if it is bothering you. Otherwise, it is going to eat away at you. If you want to work on your relationship w/ him and hope for Arlo to have one w/ him, you should try to work this out. GL.
What was i supposed to do, leave them a message the night before his birthday to remind them to call? I really don't think it's my responsibility to do that, and besides, I actually had mentioned it a few weeks before because I told my dad that I didn't want him to feel obligated to come to his party since he has lots of health problems and it's difficult for him to travel.
It has absolutely nothing to do with him not receiving a gift and everything to do with the fact that they forgot his birthday and know they did something wrong, but refuse to acknowledge it. An apology is not a lot to ask for, IMO.
That is messed up.
I would probably just let it go. My dad and Sm didn't go to DD's party because my mom was there. I've gotten used to their preferential treatment of her kids and grandson. It's crappy, but I know that at least with mine, it's pointless to say anything because they just don't get it. They don't see it.
But I would also completely understand if you had to say something. Things can eat at you otherwise.
I wouldn't do anythhing at all right now. It was his first birthday so Arlo wasn't even aware. The only reason I would be upset is if my son were older and realized that grandpa forgot his birthday. This year it's no harm, no foul.
Maybe the next time you see you him you can say, 'Dad, birthday's are important to kids. Please don't forget him.'. Unless it's you that is feeling slighted - in that case I can't really offer any advice.
You're upset that SM did your Dad's "dirty work" but you called your brother so he could do yours?
Um no, I called him for ADVICE (like WWYD in this situation?), not to go tattle to my father. I actually asked him specifically in the email NOT to tell him about it, but he did anyway. I can't control that, but thanks, you're a big help.
I would be completely hurt and upset. He's your dad... call him, tell him he hurt your feelings by forgetting his grandson's 1st bday, that you definitely won't hold it against him but please don't do it in the future when DS will know the difference. I'd let your SM off the hook... she should've remembered too but she called and actually wished him a happy bday and is sending something.
To everyone who is getting on your case... please! It has nothing to do with the gift, with the fact that they didn't wish happy bday to Arlo on the phone, etc. and everything to do with the fact that this is your child, the most important thing in the world to you and they didn't even make the effort to remember.
Once you say your piece, don't hold a grudge and give them the opportunity to remember next year.
I don't blame you one bit for being upset. I would be too.
I think you need to say something. Not like, "Way to go, jerk...you forgot your grandson's 1st birthday." but more of a "Dad, I have to be honest with you about something. It really hurt my feelings that you forgot about Arlo's birthday...especially since it was his first one." And then I'd be quiet and let him talk.
And no, an apology is not too much to ask for in this situation. I hope you get one.
Thank you. This is exactly how I feel. I will talk to my dad about it in a non confrontational way just so he knows that it hurt my feelings. Then I'll move on and hope it doesn't happen again next year.
I can pretty much guarantee that my dad would forget my birthday, DSs birthday, and probably his own birthday if my mom was not there to remind him. To me it is not that big of a deal. One of my favorite movie as a kid was Sixteen Candles, I used to obsess with the possibility of people forgetting my birthday. My philosophy is that when something is important to me I make sure people know that it is. I think it is silly to get your feelings hurt over something small. And yes I think it is small. If you focus on the small things you miss opportunities for joy. That?s just my opinion.
Yes, your DC is the center of your world but not everyone else's. Even Grandparents. That was the point I was trying to make.
THIS is exactly it. To be honest, he did wish your son a happy birthday. I don't get being upset about not getting a gift in the mail. Sometimes people wait until the next time they see you etc... you called your brother to ask advice on how to deal with what situation? The "Dad didn't buy us a gift one"? He ?probably just tried to help. But the whole thing is just awkward.?
Seems weird. I mean, sure I'd be hurt that they forgot a birthday but there are bigger things & more important things.
My dad missed Jo's birthday because he was dying of a brain tumour. I'd take a forgetful father over that any day. Just perspective here. It just doesn't matter unless you make it matter. You know? ?The man isn't on heavy drugs or a molester or criminal. He forgot a birthday. Go hug him.?
This EXACTLY. I couldn't have written it any better.
I think you need some psychiatric help if you found anything about my response to you evil or mean or in bad "tainted" spirit. It mimics many responses in that post. I don't think you are selfish and at fault. Nothing I wrote there stated that. That was a conclusion you jumped too.
You're right Lanie, your response wasn't as "tainted" as it seemed to me the first time I read it. Sorry. And emailing my brother had nothing to do with Arlo not receiving a gift, it had to do with the fact that they didn't acknowledge his birthday in any way whatsoever. Yes, he said happy birthday, of course, I had just told him that it was that day. What else was he going to say? I'm not holding a grudge about it, really I'm not. It just hurt my feelings that my son's birthday was forgotten by two of the most important people in my life.