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1st class last night...and disappointed with DH (long vent)

Amber&JesseAmber&Jesse member
in 2nd Trimester

So we had our first class last night and I was really excited.  Well when I got him DH was acting all weird and I asked if he was ok and he said he was.  So we went to the class and it's small only two other couples!  So we were all sitting close together at a small table.  Right off the bat he says "Why do we have to sit so close to everyone."  There was only one table set up.  So anyway, the teacher wants us to do a warm up excersize and he keeps giving short answers.  Not even trying.  Atleast the other guys there were elaborating on their answers.  Then one of the other guys asked a question about something and under his breath DH makes an annoyed sigh.  Like don't ask questions-we'll just be here longer.  I told him softly "atleast try to enjoy it, everyone else is"  Later we all got on the floor on our blankets and were doing some breathing excersizes. As the girls were doing breathing the teacher was talking to the guys about how important their job is and that they are the support for the girls.  I looked around the the other guys were paying attention and looking at and listenting to the teacher and DH was totally not paying any attention and looking at the ground.  NOT EVEN TRYING AGAIN!  They then told the guys to sit behind the us and rock back and forth while we are doing our breathing.  DH was just sitting there and then started laughing so I pushed him away.  After the class was done we left.  I didn't say anything to him-in the car he asked if we were paying for the class or if it was included in the price of the prenatal care and if the class was mandatory.  I told him no we paid for it and I can just have my mom come with if he doesn't want to be there.  Then he said "why is your mom going to be there?  Is there enough room for all of us?  if she's there isn't someone going to be just sitting there not doing anything?"  I told him "I don't know, that just who I want to be there" because at this point I was almost about to freak out and start crying.  Then I said "it seems like you don't even care or want to be there anyway"  That was the last time we spoke to each other.  Last night at 8:30.  He went to bed and I fell asleep on the couch. 

Here's the thing,  and I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!, he has really bad anxiety and I'm sure was having a bad day but like the teacher said "he is the support person"  I need him to support me and I really don't think he can do it.  He's never had to support me before.  I can guarantee when I'm in labor and ask him to rub my back after 30 seconds he will stop and say "my hand hurts"  I'm the one that does everything.  Most of the reason I wanted to take this class was for him.  I know most of this stuff and what I want at the labor.  He knows nothing!  I've read like atleast 6 books and he's read nothing.  He's totally freaked out and this is a way to learn what's going to happen so he can be prepared.  I'm so upset right now that I don't even know what to say or do.  I'm obviously going to talk to him tonight but I really needed to vent first.   I'm just so scared and I know I will need him but I really don't think that he will be able to be there for me... thank you for reading my vent. 

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Re: 1st class last night...and disappointed with DH (long vent)

  • LillyBug923LillyBug923 member
    WOW. I don't really know what to say. Your DH is being very inconsiderate. He needs to man up and stop being so childish.
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  • Manderlin923Manderlin923 member

    Wow okay.... sounds like he really is freaking out. You need to talk to him before your next class and see what's up. Is he just nervous? Does he really not think it's all necessary? Does he not see how important his part is in this?

    If he cannot get it together I would have no qualms about having your mother come to the class instead. You want someone to support you and you can't gamble that maybe he will and maybe he won't. It sounds like it's really important to you and he needs to put aside his selfishness and do what's best for you. 

    We are not having anyone else in the room with us, just me and DH (and mw) but if DH wasn't going to be a strong support system for me, I would have no problem including someone else. The last thing you want to have in your labor is worrying about him or being angry with him. 

    GL! 

    image
    Loss #1 2008, Loss #2 2010, Loss #3 2011, Loss #4 2012, Loss #5 2012
    Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014

    ~DS Born! 2009~
    ~DD Born! 2013~
    ~DD due! 2015~





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  • mrsmelmrsmel member

    you need to say all of this to your dh.

     

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  • Sweets2005Sweets2005 member
    Wow that really stinks. I'm sorry! It sounds like he was trying to distance himself from the whole thing, which is strange. Unless he was just worried or anxious about it like you said. I would ask him tonight if he really wants to go and if he is really going to support you when you deliver. If he seems like he can't, just have your mom do it. Don't worry about his feelings b/c you need someone to support you who can help you and not give you weak answers like his hand hurts.
    Abigail Noelle, 8.29.09
    Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
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  • blushingbrideoct07blushingbrideoct07
    Sorry you are going through this. ?It could be that he is really nervous/ anxious about the labor part so he may be trying to avoid the whole thing. ?Not cool for you, but a lot of people do this when they are?uncomfortable?with a situation. ?
    Me: 30, DOR with a FSH of 12.5
    DH: 31, no issues
    4-6/2012 100mg of Clomid + trigger + IUI/TI = BFN
    7/2012 150mg of Gonal-f + trigger + IUI = BFN
    8/2012 Surprise unmedicated BFP!! Due May 8, 2013
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  • besszillabesszilla

    I can see my DH behaving similarly. He gets very nervous in social type situations and especially in small groups like this.

    You need to talk to him when you are not upset about it. Tell him what you need, a coach who will be supportive, who can help you through this process. If  he can't find someone else who can.  GL

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  • MrsJYMrsJY member
    You definately need to talk to him. Have you ever considered getting doula? They are there to support both you and your husband.
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  • snsgurl728snsgurl728

    Not that I'm defending him AT ALL, but it may have gotten very real for him where he didn't know how else to act. Still inexcusable, but just thought that might help you relax before you talk to him.

    Good luck tonite:)

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  • WildHorseFeathersWildHorseFeathers
    Wow, making sure my DH reads this before our class in August, he had better not act up, gave me lots of trouble about not wanting to go to the class...I am sorry that you DH acted that way, I hope once you go into labor he'll change his train of thought on birthing.
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  • afgafg member

    He does realize that he is going to be a father right and that he needs to step up to the plate now more than ever?

    "my hand hurts"?! WTF?!

    You need to talk to him about all of this and find out where he stands.

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  • first-time-mamafirst-time-mama member
    You def need to talk to him asap..and let him know how important this is to you..If he isnt going to be the support you need..you may need to get your mother..You dont want to chance him not being good support for you..During labour, you dont need to worry about him..you need to be thinking about you..I hope he changes...and mans up Wink GL
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  • Amber&JesseAmber&Jesse member
    Thanks ladies.  I really needed to tell that to someone before I talk to him tonight. 
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  • At1stsightAt1stsight
    Just wanted to let you know that my DH has acted similarly at the classes. (His reasoning is a bit different b/c he's an MD so he actually does know pretty much everything that we're going over.) He's also not nearly as sweet and into being supportive as the other husbands in the room. Yes, it sucks. I do think he's going to pull through in the end though, knowing him. I just keep thanking him for doing it even though I know he's not that into it and emphasizing that it means a lot to me that he's there to support me. He's slowly starting to come around. Express your fears to him, tell him how important this is to you, try not to get too angry, and he'll likely come around in the end. I feel your pain and hope it gets better!
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  • JWJW2JWJW2

    We haven't hit the class stage yet, but I have a feeling my husband will react the same way.  I've read a ton of book so far (like you), yet hubby hasn't read a thing.  I know he'll be an "at-the-shoulder" kind of guy during delivery and I guarantee he won't cut the umbilical cord. 

    My suggetion is this (and my husband wasn't happy with the idea, but I think will appreciate it later).  Check into hiring a Birth Doula in your area.  The prices range a lot (I've seen $300-$650 in the Raleigh, NC area).  There are some students though that will do it free to get credit toward their degree.  Anyway, the Doula is there to support both you and your husband.  She'll help with the back rubs and such so your husband can relax or take part if he wishes.  

    Having a Doula will give me peace of mind during that very important day, which is why I want one.  I'm getting ready to interview two in the next couple of weeks, then we'll make a decision.  It might be something worth checking into.  

    I hope your talk with your husband goes well.  It's such a touchy subject with mine.  I don't know why they don't understand.  Good luck.

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