does contemplating leaving DH make me sure-fire candidate for PPD?!

EJS425 · May 2009

So, last week I wrote post about how DH was driving me nuts... We have been fighting for the last week.. just nitpicking fighting..

For example, last night he came home from working a 18-hr shift and I know he was overtired..We recently rearranged our living room and the other day I finished putting all the little stuff away that doesnt have a definite spot (by "put away" I mean I put them in bags to be looked through in the closet until there is downtime to go through them).. So he yells upstairs "wheres the cord for the PS3 controller?" Well, I know I kept all the cords together so I told him "with all the other cords!" well he starts freaking out about how "I know where all my stuff is but all his stuff is everywhere in bags and I shouldnt have touched anything since now I dont know where I put stuff.." UGH!! WHATEVER!! So, instead I guess I should've left the dining room and living rooms a wreck over 2 bags of bullsh!t stuff that doesnt have a definite place to be!?

I know hes tired but fvck that, I dont deserve to be talked to that way, I'm tired too.

I'm so miserable right now.

Not only that, but his car is in the shop for the last week.. which means I'm stranded at home. Not like I have many places to go but it would be nice to just go somewhere if I felt like it or had to, instead I'm restricted to walks around town with the LO and dog and I'm losing my mind being stuck inside. I know he needs to get to work so what am I supposed to do!?

Last night after our fight I cried for about an hour and a half holding the baby wondering if having her was a mistake? Not that I think SHE was a mistake because I love her more than I thought imaginable, BUT a mistake letting it happen with him. I cried bc I feel trapped with him, trapped with my life, mostly just scared I'm not with the right person for this.. I hope it doesnt sound like I am not ready to be a mother, bc I am. I just wish I had a support with DH.. he was never overly kind to my sensitive condition while pregnant. (didnt understand whyyy I was always so tired, moody, etc and gave me a hard time about it too!!! Crying There was many times during preg that I attempted to leave, even if for a few days and he wouldnt have it, I would just wind up going to bed and supressing those pi$$ed off feelings..Even now he dooesnt know why I'm moody/tired.. wtf!

I dont know if this is my emotions and hormones out of control but right now I am scared that I am not really happy with him. We arent married yet, were engaged (been together 3 years) and its lucky that engagements are a lot easier to back outta than marriages.. I dont wanna make any drastic decisions or say anything to him that I might regret..I kno that I would never miserably stay w/ him for DD.. should I talk to Dr about this? Maybe it is PPD? (I hope not, I really dont like the idea of being on meds..) Or maybe I'm just really unhappy with him???!!

Thanks for listening.

Mando91 · May 2009

I'm sorry your with an @ss. It sounds like your just unhappy with him. Talk to your doctor, they will be the only one to asses your feelings and PPD. I hope you don't marry this guy....it sounds like you've known you shouldn't for awhile. I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself and your feelings.

djandkellen · May 2009

Wow, honey! ?I'm sorry you're going through this! ?I don't know if these feelings mean that you have PPD, but I would definitely say that you need to talk to SOMEONE about it. ?Maybe y'all could talk to a couples therapist/counselor. ?You are right that you should not stay in a relationship just for your daughter. ?

You never know, though...maybe if you and your SO talked to someone, things might improve by leaps and bounds!

Good luck! ?I hope things get better soon!?

britti<3 · May 2009

It could be a combination of everything. Having a baby is rough and isn't a band-aid for bad relationships. Was you relationship good BEFORE you got pregnant? Pregnancy is rough on your partner also. My emotions were a wreck throughout pregnancy and have continued after having DD. I would talk to your Dr. and your SO.

iris427 · May 2009

djandkellen:
Wow, honey! I'm sorry you're going through this! I don't know if these feelings mean that you have PPD, but I would definitely say that you need to talk to SOMEONE about it. Maybe y'all could talk to a couples therapist/counselor. You are right that you should not stay in a relationship just for your daughter.
You never know, though...maybe if you and your SO talked to someone, things might improve by leaps and bounds!
Good luck! I hope things get better soon!

Ditto

Ashley Pharez · May 2009

It's the hormones. I felt the EXACT way you did at 3 weeks pp. I couldn't stand DH. It's so much better now and I love him even more each day. Give it some time and try to communicate with him and let him know how you feel.

GASuzuki · May 2009

First, a big hug to you, because it seems like exactly what you need right now...

Second, I don't think it sounds like PPD, but I think a doctor would better advise you. It does sound like a good idea to sit down with your guy and have a good talk with him - one where you both agree to listen to each other and not judge right away... Hard, I know, but helpful just the same.

Also, do you have family you could spend more time with? Any support? It helps to see people, even if they're just coming over to visit you and your LO.

GL!

JARbaby · May 2009

I felt this way for the first year of DD #1 life. It is the hardest test on any relationship. I wanted to leave 100 times.

EJS425 · May 2009

Thanks everyone and YES, I did need a hug, a big one!! Thank god for DD shes the only one giving me hugs around here..

Anyway, yes we do have a good relationship I cant say we dont but there are random times that I get all "I'm miserable, I want out" and I dont know what my problem is.. DD was not planned and sometimes I feel like that has a lot to do with why he doesnt understand.. I feel like couples who mentally sit down and decide they wanna "try" to have a baby they are more knowledgable about the process and what comes along with it.. He is just ignorant of the situation.

I have tried to talk to him..but right now hes working 50+ hrs a week and the little bit of time he is home, hes with DD.. and during that time I really want to sleep or just be alone and far away from him. The sad thing that I just realized is the only time throughout our entire relationship that I ever felt he was "proud or thankful" for anything I ever did was when I gave birth to DD. After she was out, I looked over at him and he said so seriously "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!"

He is a good guy, but I dont think he knows better. Its pathetic for being 26 hes definitly NOT as mature as I wish he was.. UGH!

xmasbabymama · May 2009

Even people who planned having a baby and tried a long time to have one get like this. DH and I have arguments like this all the time and it really starts to build up. It's the nitpicky ones that we do to each other that are the worst I think. And I don't think our DH's have any idea of what it is like to have a baby - my DH complains when I get my period - this has been totally beyond his comprehension.

Good luck - it does get better. He will eventually figure it out! And you'll both stop being as emotional and tired.

Kentuckychick_8201 · May 2009

Coming from a person who has suffered from PPD and has had marital problems with DH I recommend a couple things. First off talk to your doctor about PPD, because to me it sounds like you do have some of the symptoms. Second do some serious soul searching before you actually marry your DH, because you are right it is much easier to get out of an engagement than a divorce. When DD was 3 weeks I went and stayed at my parents house for about 2-3 days because things between DH and I got SUPER CRAZy and out of control and it really helped me have time to think about what we really need to improve on etc... and what I wanted out of our marriage. Maybe you could stay somewhere for a couple days so you have time to think things out. I also recommend you and DH sitting down and having a long talk to help work/ figure things out. No matter what you chose to do, GL! and if you need to talk or vent you can page me or e-mail me, I have been there done that. My e-mail is Mrsh052607@yahoo.com. GL!

summrbride2006 · May 2009

I don't know about PPD, but I do know how tiring and emotionally straining a new baby is! And being overtired makes any stressful situation much worse. You both have gone through a HUGE life change, and you being exhausted and with the baby all day and him working a bunch of hours is stressful!! Hang in there, communicate with each other, and yes, watch what you say out of anger and frustration! Again, you're both tired and stressed (or so it seems) so are just taking things out on each other. It will get better, hang in there!

Oh, and men definitely have not grown up by the age of 26. My H is 35 and he's a complete @ss sometimes and I wonder when he's going to grow the eff up!

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