On a POTW related note, it annoys the F out of me when there are 4 pages of entries and like 17 votes. If you have time to enter your kid, you have time to vote for someone else's.
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I judged my sister's very good friend and I don't care.
Her friend is pregnant. She's also significantly overweight (like 150+ lbs). She and her husband eat absolute garbage and will make huge meals at 2:00am - just for something to do. That's how you want to live your life...fine, whatever. However, nothing has changed since she got pregnant. She either gorges on fast food (daily) or doesn't eat at all. And when she tells my sister, "Oops, I forgot to eat today.", it's like she's laughing about it. Um, hello...you're pregnant and that baby's nourishment depends on you!
Well, it turns out, she failed both of the glucose tests and has GD. I'm glad that this happened. Not because I want anything to happen to the baby (obviously), but because now she has to pay attention to what she puts in her mouth and her doctor will be on her case about it.
It just never ceases to amazes me that even pregnant, some people can be so self-centered and stupid.
I hear ya on this one. My SIL was almost 300 pounds when she found out that she was pregnant. She proceeded to gain a hundred pounds. I could not believe that she would be so unhealthy! Nothing changed at all for her during pregnancy, and I am honestly very surprised that my niece was born healthy. She made fun of me for being 'tiny' at my baby shower and said that she could barely tell I was pregnant. Uh, say what? I gained 30 pounds, and I am no waif. I just don't weigh almost 400 pounds!
Okay...as someone who was 290 when I got pregnant..I ate healthy and all of that stuff and still gained 60 pounds...mostly fluid. Are you saying that because I am fat that I shouldn't be allowed to have a healthy baby? I had pre-e while I was pregnant, and when I am not pregnant my bp is usually on the low side. I get tired of when others judge people for their weight. It's like a plus size woman can't be pregnant on these boards. I will never be smaller than a size 12..I know it...my body isn't built that way. But don't judge and snark me because I am larger when i conceive a child.
I judged my sister's very good friend and I don't care.
Her friend is pregnant. She's also significantly overweight (like 150+ lbs). She and her husband eat absolute garbage and will make huge meals at 2:00am - just for something to do. That's how you want to live your life...fine, whatever. However, nothing has changed since she got pregnant. She either gorges on fast food (daily) or doesn't eat at all. And when she tells my sister, "Oops, I forgot to eat today.", it's like she's laughing about it. Um, hello...you're pregnant and that baby's nourishment depends on you!
Well, it turns out, she failed both of the glucose tests and has GD. I'm glad that this happened. Not because I want anything to happen to the baby (obviously), but because now she has to pay attention to what she puts in her mouth and her doctor will be on her case about it.
It just never ceases to amazes me that even pregnant, some people can be so self-centered and stupid.
I hear ya on this one. My SIL was almost 300 pounds when she found out that she was pregnant. She proceeded to gain a hundred pounds. I could not believe that she would be so unhealthy! Nothing changed at all for her during pregnancy, and I am honestly very surprised that my niece was born healthy. She made fun of me for being 'tiny' at my baby shower and said that she could barely tell I was pregnant. Uh, say what? I gained 30 pounds, and I am no waif. I just don't weigh almost 400 pounds!
Okay...as someone who was 290 when I got pregnant..I ate healthy and all of that stuff and still gained 60 pounds...mostly fluid. Are you saying that because I am fat that I shouldn't be allowed to have a healthy baby? I had pre-e while I was pregnant, and when I am not pregnant my bp is usually on the low side. I get tired of when others judge people for their weight. It's like a plus size woman can't be pregnant on these boards. I will never be smaller than a size 12..I know it...my body isn't built that way. But don't judge and snark me because I am larger when i conceive a child.
It's not that you shouldn't be ALLOWED to have a healthy baby, it's that you're chances of having a healthy baby are greatly diminished if you are that much overweight and a baby depends on you for it's healthy start in life. If you had pre-e, then you obviously have extenuating circumstances that caused you to gain so much, not everybody has that.
And the OP was clearly referring to someone that continued to eat crap after they got pregnat with no regard to their baby's health.
No one is saying you even have to be a size 12 to have a baby, just healthy
Okay...as someone who was 290 when I got pregnant..I ate healthy and all of that stuff and still gained 60 pounds...mostly fluid.? Are you saying that because I am fat that I shouldn't be allowed to have a healthy baby?? I had pre-e while I was pregnant, and when I am not pregnant my bp is usually on the low side.? I get tired of when others judge people for their weight.? It's like a plus size woman can't be pregnant on these boards.? I will never be smaller than a size 12..I know it...my body isn't built that way.? But don't judge and snark me because I am larger when i conceive a child.
I'm very sorry if I offended you. I honestly did not mean to. I should have been more articulate, but I was nursing my DD.
My SIL is extremely unhealthy. She would sit down while pregnant (and still does this) and eat a bag of chips in one sitting along with two cans of Coke. She did not change a single thing about her eating habits while pregnant. She just kept eating junk and was extremely unhealthy. I'm sorry, but to weigh almost four hundred pounds when you deliver a baby?That is not healthy in any way, shape or form.
I am not some little waif who is judging plus size women. I have been very overweight before. I am overweight now. But I did not eat like a glutton during pregnancy, and I didn't gain a hundred pounds. I do not think that is healthy at all. ?
I want to know why people assume that the mom's who make baby food, cloth diaper, don't watch tv or eat "junk" food are judging others who do differently. I have never seen anyone on here say, "OMG...you use sposies? Do you not love your child or the earth???" Nor have they said, "Junkfood has zero nutritional value and I abhor all those who think giving it to a child is okay." NOR have they said, "TV rots your brains!"
So, I'd like to know where this whole "pearl clutcher" term and all the "GASP: I let my kid watch TV" posts came from? Anyone have a link to a substantial amount of judgemental/condescending posts from these moms? I'd really like to know...because it just seems to me that they state what they do/don't do, just like everyone on here- and really, how does that warrant the mockery??
FWIW, K watches tv sometimes, and she will know the joy of a chicken nugget from McDonalds....ohhh, and Wendys.
You haven't been paying attention. They've not only said fast food has no nutritional value, they've said that about apple juice, and someone actually called fast food toxic waste. And every time someone says "Dystynee had a french fry today," the mom in question gets called on it by a slew of people who want to make sure it was an organic oven baked sweet potato fry .
It isn't just "this is what we do." It's a whole fat bunch of "I can't believe there are even people out there who would do that."
Got another one- I met my BFF's neighbor who is her friend today at a park. I didn't know my BFF loved the twilight books, and she mentioned having watched the movie 2X's and has read the books 2X's as well. So I said you should read a different book (ADULT series) and her friend proceeds to say she's read it. I then ask you've read JR Ward? She goes yes she is also a young adult writer....UH NO I said she is not, she said it again. I had to tell her no 3 times and said I would never let my tween daugther read JR Ward's books, they are way to Sexy. So I tried telling my friend about the book and the other girls goes...She isn't ready for Vampire Porn yet. UGH. I hate when people don't listen.
Maybe I'm just sleepy but I understood NONE of that...
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to remember why I married my husband. I know I love him and I know he's been my best friend and support, but he's just not the same. When I told him something to this extent, his response was "Yeah, I decided to stop lying to you about how I am." Awesome opposum.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My grandpa is having a book signing thing and my entire extended family will be there. I want to see everyone, but I don't want to have to pretend to be a nice, happy family. I just wish someone understood how I feel.
I don't like my ILs and I'm beginning to dislike them more and more with time. They don't call to see how things are going with E. FIL threw H to the wolves jobwise. MIL thinks I'm not a good mom because I won't spank/hit a 10 month old. I'm not doing a big to-do birthday party. I just want to take E to the zoo. H is insisting we invite ILs. I really just don't want to. If E doesn't matter alllll year long, then why should I go out of my way to invite them? I mean, MIL is SAHM who drives within a quarter mile of my house and she's never called or stopped by. NEVER. At Easter she bought clothes for the other grandkids, but for E, she gave him a blue bucket full of candy. He was 9 months old! It just stinks.
Aw, I feel better just getting all of that out there for someone else to read.
On a good note! I did the 30 day Shred for two days and I can't ever remember feeling THIS sore. Haha... looks like I was way more out of shape than I assumed.
Got another one- I met my BFF's neighbor who is her friend today at a park.? I didn't know my BFF loved the twilight books, and she mentioned having watched the movie 2X's and has read the books 2X's as? well.? So I said you should read a different book (ADULT series) and her friend proceeds to say she's read it.? I then ask you've read JR Ward?? She goes yes she is also a young adult writer....UH NO I said she is not, she said it again.? I had to tell her no 3 times and said I would never let my tween daugther read JR Ward's books, they are way to Sexy.? So I tried telling my friend about the book and the other girls goes...She isn't ready for Vampire Porn yet.? UGH.? I hate when people don't listen.
?
Maybe I'm just sleepy but I understood NONE of that...
i'll translate: her friend's friend was being an uppity and controlling bittch and so she doesnt like friend's friend. i dont think i would either.?
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
Wow, what an a$$.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who would think that him saying that is inappropriate. I just don't get it b/c he hasn't always been this way. (I know, I know. That's what everyone says.)
I judged my sister's very good friend and I don't care.
Her friend is pregnant. She's also significantly overweight (like 150+ lbs). She and her husband eat absolute garbage and will make huge meals at 2:00am - just for something to do. That's how you want to live your life...fine, whatever. However, nothing has changed since she got pregnant. She either gorges on fast food (daily) or doesn't eat at all. And when she tells my sister, "Oops, I forgot to eat today.", it's like she's laughing about it. Um, hello...you're pregnant and that baby's nourishment depends on you!
Well, it turns out, she failed both of the glucose tests and has GD. I'm glad that this happened. Not because I want anything to happen to the baby (obviously), but because now she has to pay attention to what she puts in her mouth and her doctor will be on her case about it.
It just never ceases to amazes me that even pregnant, some people can be so self-centered and stupid.
I hear ya on this one. My SIL was almost 300 pounds when she found out that she was pregnant. She proceeded to gain a hundred pounds. I could not believe that she would be so unhealthy! Nothing changed at all for her during pregnancy, and I am honestly very surprised that my niece was born healthy. She made fun of me for being 'tiny' at my baby shower and said that she could barely tell I was pregnant. Uh, say what? I gained 30 pounds, and I am no waif. I just don't weigh almost 400 pounds!
Okay...as someone who was 290 when I got pregnant..I ate healthy and all of that stuff and still gained 60 pounds...mostly fluid. Are you saying that because I am fat that I shouldn't be allowed to have a healthy baby? I had pre-e while I was pregnant, and when I am not pregnant my bp is usually on the low side. I get tired of when others judge people for their weight. It's like a plus size woman can't be pregnant on these boards. I will never be smaller than a size 12..I know it...my body isn't built that way. But don't judge and snark me because I am larger when i conceive a child.
I never said her weight had anything to do with her 'being allowed' to be pregnant. I was talking about how she eats absolute garbage all day long -- or doesn't eat at all -- which is not healthy for the baby. I think she's being selfish and wrong for not doing the right things for her unborn child. Am I saying that she should never have fast food? No. But for one or two meals a day? Or to just flat out not eat all day long? Come on now.
I'm not judging her being overweight. Hell, I have a good 40-45lbs right now that I need to lose. At my thinnest as an adult, I was a size 10. I'm no waif either.
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
Wow, what an a$$.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who would think that him saying that is inappropriate. I just don't get it b/c he hasn't always been this way. (I know, I know. That's what everyone says.)
You're NOT the only one who thinks what he said was inappropriate - I'm sorry he's acting this way. ((hugs))
I'm pretty relaxed when it comes to some of the "pearl clutching" things talked about, but fast food grosses me out. I can honestly say I haven't eaten at a fast food place in 6ish years (since I graduated from college). I do eat at Chipotle on occasion, but only b/c they serve hormone-free/antibiotic-free meat. And while I never even bat an eyelash when I see people I don't know walk in a McD's or BK, when my sister - who is overweight - pulls out a double cheeseburger and fries from somewhere I give her the side-eye. As for road-tripping we pack snacks, but if it's a trip longer than a few hours we fly so I don't get how avoiding fast food is hard on this front.
now for my FFFC
One of DH's obnoxious cousins recently asked me how we could possibly raise a baby in the city b/c of how dangerous it is. I responded by saying that it's one of the safest cities in the country and she should visit b/c it's such a great place. Her response: "why would I ever want to go there?". She also makes similar statements when we visit other countries. I think this makes her sound ingorant and uncultured. She's never even left the state she was born and raised in and I think that's ridiculous.
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?She's never even left the state she was born and raised in and I think that's ridiculous.?
i have a friend that has never left the county she lives in. we live in delaware...so her area of exploration is small from the get-go. i feel sorry for her.?
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
Wow, what an a$$.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who would think that him saying that is inappropriate. I just don't get it b/c he hasn't always been this way. (I know, I know. That's what everyone says.)
It's something that really needs to be nipped in the bud or you will have a kid who disrespects his mother. Not good.
Even if he's thinking he's funny or is trying to get a message across to you and is using the kid because he's too chicken to address it, it's still shiity and needs to stop today.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I think instead of calling your ex and going for lunch with him you should put that effort into your own marriage. not flaming but what you just typed is the very first pre-step to affair town. Does your H know you are talking and potentially lunching with EX?
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
No flames but be careful with this. Does your husband know about your 'relationship' with your ex? Be careful about comparing the two - nothing good will come from that. At all.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I think instead of calling your ex and going for lunch with him you should put that effort into your own marriage. not flaming but what you just typed is the very first pre-step to affair town. Does your H know you are talking and potentially lunching with EX?
No he does not. This is a WAY EX. And I am not worried about having an affair with him in the least. I have zero sex drive and I'm not attracted to him at all anymore. To me its no different than having lunch with a friend.
As for road-tripping we pack snacks, but if it's a trip longer than a few hours we fly so I don't get how avoiding fast food is hard on this front.
You get why that doesn't make sense, right? If you don't do long road trips, of course it wouldn't be an issue for you, but not everyone flies everyplace. As a child, we used to go on 2-week road trips for vacation every year, not necessarily knowing where we would be any given day, where we would stop, how long we would drive. You can't do that without a little help from McDonalds. (Funny side item: My sister was seriously 12 before she realized there were chairs in a McDonalds. We always went through the drive-thru.)
And we enjoy driving. We drive to Minnesota several times a year, a two-day car trip. We drive to Florida (another couple days, sometimes three or four if we take our time and stop other places) and Canada regularly. Do we take a cooler? Yes. But you can't eat out of a cooler for two weeks.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I'm not going to flame you, but if my DH did something like that I would take a serious look at our marriage because I would consider it lying. Going out with an ex is NOT okay with me, especially sneaking around to do it.
I judged my sister's very good friend and I don't care.
Her friend is pregnant. She's also significantly overweight (like 150+ lbs). She and her husband eat absolute garbage and will make huge meals at 2:00am - just for something to do. That's how you want to live your life...fine, whatever. However, nothing has changed since she got pregnant. She either gorges on fast food (daily) or doesn't eat at all. And when she tells my sister, "Oops, I forgot to eat today.", it's like she's laughing about it. Um, hello...you're pregnant and that baby's nourishment depends on you!
Well, it turns out, she failed both of the glucose tests and has GD. I'm glad that this happened. Not because I want anything to happen to the baby (obviously), but because now she has to pay attention to what she puts in her mouth and her doctor will be on her case about it.
It just never ceases to amazes me that even pregnant, some people can be so self-centered and stupid.
I feel really bad now because I was almost the same way durning my pregnancy. I was 100lbs overweight when I got pregnant. I tried very hard to eat better but I was so detached from my pregnancy it just didn't hit me what I was doing. I only gained 15lbs and never had GD or any other issues at all and Jack is healthy, but I will definitely always feel guilty about it, as I should. Next baby I will do much better...we eat a lot better now that we have someone to be an example for.
I concur with you on this. I have issues with food. I've been to counseling for it. I was 100lbs overweight when I got pregnant and gained 65 lbs. My DD was born healthy but the end of my pregnancy was awful, and my OB was a complete azz to me because of it during my entire pregnancy, which only made the situation worse since I'm an emotional eater. Now that DD is here I am working really hard to get better. I didn't take my condition lightly though, so it really sucks to be judged for it.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I'm not going to flame you, but if my DH did something like that I would take a serious look at our marriage because I would consider it lying. Going out with an ex is NOT okay with me, especially sneaking around to do it.
You are all right, even though it is completely innocent. That's why its a confession. We have issues...big ones, but I would not cheat on him. I just feel really lonely lately and I have tried to talk to him about our problems and it doesn't get anywhere. I don't think he is willing to put in the work.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
I'm not going to flame you, but this is how every episode of "diary of an affair" begins.
I read this book a while back and I really liked it. Well at the end it had a bit about the author and a web address to his blog so I looked it up. Then on his blog it had his FB link so I sent a message just telling him I liked the book and asking when the next one was coming out. So he added me as a friend, replied a polite thank you for reading, told me the new book would be out later... yadda yadda yadda. No big deal right? Well then he sent out some messages to a few FB friends saying he had some left over copies and he was going to sign them and send them out to a few people hoping they will pass on their copies of the book, get the word out whatever.
I gave him my work address because 1.) i dont want DH to see them and think "why the hell is she making friends with dude authors on the internet and why is he sending signed copies to her?" 2.) I dont know if said author is a freak and giving out my home address seemed like a stupid thing to do.
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I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to remember why I married my husband. I know I love him and I know he's been my best friend and support, but he's just not the same. When I told him something to this extent, his response was "Yeah, I decided to stop lying to you about how I am." Awesome opposum.
It makes me sad to even type this, but I think we must be married to the same person. However I also have a 7 y/o SD who we have custody of and she calls me mom (bio mom hasn't seen her in over 5 years) and H says things like this to her. I feel like that is so much worse than saying them in front of DD because SD understands and uses it as a free pass to disrespect me, the only mother she's really known.
I really dont know what to do with my DH. He is a veteran with PTSD, but I think he uses it as a crutch in his life. I understand he has issues with being in public, but when it comes to being at home and him being comfortable at home, I feel like there should be no reason that he isn't comfortable with me and his house. He is SOOOOOO defensive to me over the smallest little things. He completely snapped at me the other day for no reason and it turned into a huge fight. He is supposed to be taking Zanex 3 times a day, but he doesn't take it on a regular basis. He says he hates the way it makes him feel. I try to understand that it is a hard thing to deal with, but he needs to take it not only for himself, but to make our family better. I want to be selfish and say that I want him to take it for me too. We have a better relationship when his moods are evened out with the Zanex. I have no where to turn and he refuses to get counseling with me. I dont know what to do!
Also, I am having anxiety when it comes to DS. I weaned at 6 months (of pumping) due to him never latching and me just being sick with having to think I had to pump. Now that I have weaned, I have this anxiety about not having food for him. He is old enough that we could just give him table food and formula, but I am scared that we won't have food for him. So bad that I have to buy baby food or formula every time I go to Target or Walmart. Ugh!! I know we will always have for the baby even if we dont have for ourselves. Also, my parents would always help if we needed it. I wish I could just stop feeling this way!
Edit: What I meant to say was that when I ask him to do things around the house he always forgets and he says its because he can't remember anything because of his TBI. Well I understand that, but just because he had that happen in his life, I have to do 98% of everything in the house? We rarely go out and do anything because he is uncomfortable outside of his own house, but he doesn't even seem comfortable in his house. He is always on edge and defensive.
When DH was laid off and I was out of town, I called one of his exes and asked if she would go to our house and cheer him up and give him a hug because I was far away and couldn't hug him myself. That's how much I trust him and her. She was also a BM in our wedding.
This is possible flame-worthy.....I think black babies are waaay cuter than most white babies. I don't know if its the curly hair, the ethnic features of the face, or what. From when I was a little girl I remember thinking "I want one of those" when I saw a black baby because they are so darn cute.
When I read about marital troubles on this board I feel lucky, because I feel like there is a lot of luck in having a good marriage. You can do all the right things and do your best to find a great DH, and it can still fall apart. I have empathy for those dealing with troubles. But some posts I read and think "Um, did you guys never have a conversation before you get married?" There are some that I judge and think were irresponsible for having a baby when their relationships were a mess. I judge some friends IRL for this too. On the brink of divorce, going to counselling, then have a baby to try and make things work. Stupid.
I really dont know what to do with my DH. He is a veteran with PTSD, but I think he uses it as a crutch in his life. I understand he has issues with being in public, but when it comes to being at home and him being comfortable at home, I feel like there should be no reason that he isn't comfortable with me and his house. He is SOOOOOO defensive to me over the smallest little things. He completely snapped at me the other day for no reason and it turned into a huge fight. He is supposed to be taking Zanex 3 times a day, but he doesn't take it on a regular basis. He says he hates the way it makes him feel. I try to understand that it is a hard thing to deal with, but he needs to take it not only for himself, but to make our family better. I want to be selfish and say that I want him to take it for me too. We have a better relationship when his moods are evened out with the Zanex. I have no where to turn and he refuses to get counseling with me. I dont know what to do!
It sounds like he has depression as well as PTSD. Everything you said sounds textbook. And I think it doesn't help him at all that you look on a psychological problem as a crutch. I certainly understand being frustrated by a medical problem. My husband is diabetic, and isn't good about taking his medication and managing his disease. That doesn't mean I blame him for having it and think he could just deal with it if he tried.
I think maybe you should start with counseling to deal with having someone to care for this way. It is definitely stressful, and maybe if you could cope with that stress better, you'd be in a better position to help him deal, as well as modeling for him how beneficial counseling can be.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
Clearly it's already been basically said, but to take it a step further than "be careful" and "this might be lying," I'm telling you flat out, DON'T DO THIS. Remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so no matter how much you "trust yourself," this would be wrong. The mere fact that you've been talking to this dude and your hubby doesn't know already puts you in the wrong. It is lying and sneaking, regardless of how much control and how little sex drive you may think you have. You are asking for more trouble than you know.
I like you a lot, so this is my tough internet love.
For that matter and I don't know how I feel about him anymore. Since he has been laid off I am the bread-winner and I don't like it. I want to be the Mommy dammit and I want to be with someone who WANTS to take care of and provide for there family. He isn't even trying.
I totally empathize with this. This is the story of my life right now. And it seems like DH doesn't do anything around the house, or even clean up after himself. DH and I fight every day. On top of that, I am so not busy at work that I'm worried I'll get laid off soon, and then where will we be? How will we pay the mortgage? And we can't sell our house, because it's lost about 35% of its value. Things are just a mess.
I really dont know what to do with my DH. He is a veteran with PTSD, but I think he uses it as a crutch in his life. I understand he has issues with being in public, but when it comes to being at home and him being comfortable at home, I feel like there should be no reason that he isn't comfortable with me and his house. He is SOOOOOO defensive to me over the smallest little things. He completely snapped at me the other day for no reason and it turned into a huge fight. He is supposed to be taking Zanex 3 times a day, but he doesn't take it on a regular basis. He says he hates the way it makes him feel. I try to understand that it is a hard thing to deal with, but he needs to take it not only for himself, but to make our family better. I want to be selfish and say that I want him to take it for me too. We have a better relationship when his moods are evened out with the Zanex. I have no where to turn and he refuses to get counseling with me. I dont know what to do!
It sounds like he has depression as well as PTSD. Everything you said sounds textbook. And I think it doesn't help him at all that you look on a psychological problem as a crutch. I certainly understand being frustrated by a medical problem. My husband is diabetic, and isn't good about taking his medication and managing his disease. That doesn't mean I blame him for having it and think he could just deal with it if he tried.
I think maybe you should start with counseling to deal with having someone to care for this way. It is definitely stressful, and maybe if you could cope with that stress better, you'd be in a better position to help him deal, as well as modeling for him how beneficial counseling can be.
Ok well I guess I dont think he uses it as a crutch as much as it is an excuse. I can ask him to do something around the house and he always claims that he forgets. If I remind him, then I am nagging or b*tching at him about it. There is where alot of our problems come into play. Maybe I need counseling on my own before we get counseling together. The fact that he refuses to take the meds that might help him is what irks me too!
Ok well I guess I dont think he uses it as a crutch as much as it is an excuse. I can ask him to do something around the house and he always claims that he forgets. If I remind him, then I am nagging or b*tching at him about it. There is where alot of our problems come into play. Maybe I need counseling on my own before we get counseling together. The fact that he refuses to take the meds that might help him is what irks me too!
I so understand the medication thing. And I know I probably came off awfully harsh, more so than I intended. But I do think he could be fighting depression, too. That could actually explain a lot of what you're saying, including the fact that he doesn't want to take his medication.
Re: FFFC
Okay...as someone who was 290 when I got pregnant..I ate healthy and all of that stuff and still gained 60 pounds...mostly fluid. Are you saying that because I am fat that I shouldn't be allowed to have a healthy baby? I had pre-e while I was pregnant, and when I am not pregnant my bp is usually on the low side. I get tired of when others judge people for their weight. It's like a plus size woman can't be pregnant on these boards. I will never be smaller than a size 12..I know it...my body isn't built that way. But don't judge and snark me because I am larger when i conceive a child.
It's not that you shouldn't be ALLOWED to have a healthy baby, it's that you're chances of having a healthy baby are greatly diminished if you are that much overweight and a baby depends on you for it's healthy start in life. If you had pre-e, then you obviously have extenuating circumstances that caused you to gain so much, not everybody has that.
And the OP was clearly referring to someone that continued to eat crap after they got pregnat with no regard to their baby's health.
No one is saying you even have to be a size 12 to have a baby, just healthy
I'm very sorry if I offended you. I honestly did not mean to. I should have been more articulate, but I was nursing my DD.
My SIL is extremely unhealthy. She would sit down while pregnant (and still does this) and eat a bag of chips in one sitting along with two cans of Coke. She did not change a single thing about her eating habits while pregnant. She just kept eating junk and was extremely unhealthy. I'm sorry, but to weigh almost four hundred pounds when you deliver a baby?That is not healthy in any way, shape or form.
I am not some little waif who is judging plus size women. I have been very overweight before. I am overweight now. But I did not eat like a glutton during pregnancy, and I didn't gain a hundred pounds. I do not think that is healthy at all. ?
?
You haven't been paying attention. They've not only said fast food has no nutritional value, they've said that about apple juice, and someone actually called fast food toxic waste. And every time someone says "Dystynee had a french fry today," the mom in question gets called on it by a slew of people who want to make sure it was an organic oven baked sweet potato fry .
It isn't just "this is what we do." It's a whole fat bunch of "I can't believe there are even people out there who would do that."
Maybe I'm just sleepy but I understood NONE of that...
I haven't done one of these for awhile.
I feel like a crappy mom and a crappy wife nearly every day. At least I have a husband that confirms my feelings with comments like "See your mom. Don't act like her. You don't want to be a baby."
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to remember why I married my husband.
I know I love him and I know he's been my best friend and support, but he's just not the same. When I told him something to this extent, his response was "Yeah, I decided to stop lying to you about how I am." Awesome opposum.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My grandpa is having a book signing thing and my entire extended family will be there. I want to see everyone, but I don't want to have to pretend to be a nice, happy family. I just wish someone understood how I feel.
I don't like my ILs and I'm beginning to dislike them more and more with time. They don't call to see how things are going with E. FIL threw H to the wolves jobwise. MIL thinks I'm not a good mom because I won't spank/hit a 10 month old. I'm not doing a big to-do birthday party. I just want to take E to the zoo. H is insisting we invite ILs. I really just don't want to. If E doesn't matter alllll year long, then why should I go out of my way to invite them? I mean, MIL is SAHM who drives within a quarter mile of my house and she's never called or stopped by. NEVER. At Easter she bought clothes for the other grandkids, but for E, she gave him a blue bucket full of candy. He was 9 months old! It just stinks.
Aw, I feel better just getting all of that out there for someone else to read.
On a good note! I did the 30 day Shred for two days and I can't ever remember feeling THIS sore. Haha... looks like I was way more out of shape than I assumed.
i'll translate: her friend's friend was being an uppity and controlling bittch and so she doesnt like friend's friend. i dont think i would either.?
Wow, what an a$$.
All this fast food talk has me craving McDonalds. Jack is also going to be eating it with me today! I can hear him now...ummmmmmmy ummmmmmmm ummmy!
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who would think that him saying that is inappropriate. I just don't get it b/c he hasn't always been this way. (I know, I know. That's what everyone says.)
I never said her weight had anything to do with her 'being allowed' to be pregnant. I was talking about how she eats absolute garbage all day long -- or doesn't eat at all -- which is not healthy for the baby. I think she's being selfish and wrong for not doing the right things for her unborn child. Am I saying that she should never have fast food? No. But for one or two meals a day? Or to just flat out not eat all day long? Come on now.
I'm not judging her being overweight. Hell, I have a good 40-45lbs right now that I need to lose. At my thinnest as an adult, I was a size 10. I'm no waif either.
You're NOT the only one who thinks what he said was inappropriate - I'm sorry he's acting this way. ((hugs))
I'm 99% sure DD's first (non dada/mama/kitty) word is going to be the F-bomb. I have no one to blame but myself.
The especially flameworthy part: I want to hear her say it before I start curbing my language, because I think it'll be funny.
I'm pretty relaxed when it comes to some of the "pearl clutching" things talked about, but fast food grosses me out. I can honestly say I haven't eaten at a fast food place in 6ish years (since I graduated from college). I do eat at Chipotle on occasion, but only b/c they serve hormone-free/antibiotic-free meat. And while I never even bat an eyelash when I see people I don't know walk in a McD's or BK, when my sister - who is overweight - pulls out a double cheeseburger and fries from somewhere I give her the side-eye. As for road-tripping we pack snacks, but if it's a trip longer than a few hours we fly so I don't get how avoiding fast food is hard on this front.
now for my FFFC
One of DH's obnoxious cousins recently asked me how we could possibly raise a baby in the city b/c of how dangerous it is. I responded by saying that it's one of the safest cities in the country and she should visit b/c it's such a great place. Her response: "why would I ever want to go there?". She also makes similar statements when we visit other countries. I think this makes her sound ingorant and uncultured. She's never even left the state she was born and raised in and I think that's ridiculous.
i have a friend that has never left the county she lives in. we live in delaware...so her area of exploration is small from the get-go. i feel sorry for her.?
OK mine. Probably flame worthy. I care not.
I have been talking on the phone with my EX lately. Nothing romantic at all, just talking about stuff. I am even considering going out to lunch with him next weekend and I probably will. I don't feel bad about it. I completely trust myself around him and don't feel that way about him in the least, but I miss his friendship a lot. It also makes me sad that H and I don't have the same kind of friendship. EX and I could talk for hours about nothing at all. More and more lately it seems like H and I can't talk about the weather without getting into a rediculous fight.
It's something that really needs to be nipped in the bud or you will have a kid who disrespects his mother. Not good.
Even if he's thinking he's funny or is trying to get a message across to you and is using the kid because he's too chicken to address it, it's still shiity and needs to stop today.
I think instead of calling your ex and going for lunch with him you should put that effort into your own marriage. not flaming but what you just typed is the very first pre-step to affair town. Does your H know you are talking and potentially lunching with EX?
No flames but be careful with this. Does your husband know about your 'relationship' with your ex? Be careful about comparing the two - nothing good will come from that. At all.
No he does not. This is a WAY EX. And I am not worried about having an affair with him in the least. I have zero sex drive and I'm not attracted to him at all anymore. To me its no different than having lunch with a friend.
You get why that doesn't make sense, right? If you don't do long road trips, of course it wouldn't be an issue for you, but not everyone flies everyplace. As a child, we used to go on 2-week road trips for vacation every year, not necessarily knowing where we would be any given day, where we would stop, how long we would drive. You can't do that without a little help from McDonalds. (Funny side item: My sister was seriously 12 before she realized there were chairs in a McDonalds. We always went through the drive-thru.)
And we enjoy driving. We drive to Minnesota several times a year, a two-day car trip. We drive to Florida (another couple days, sometimes three or four if we take our time and stop other places) and Canada regularly. Do we take a cooler? Yes. But you can't eat out of a cooler for two weeks.
I'm not going to flame you, but if my DH did something like that I would take a serious look at our marriage because I would consider it lying. Going out with an ex is NOT okay with me, especially sneaking around to do it.
I concur with you on this. I have issues with food. I've been to counseling for it. I was 100lbs overweight when I got pregnant and gained 65 lbs. My DD was born healthy but the end of my pregnancy was awful, and my OB was a complete azz to me because of it during my entire pregnancy, which only made the situation worse since I'm an emotional eater. Now that DD is here I am working really hard to get better. I didn't take my condition lightly though, so it really sucks to be judged for it.
Throwing leaves
You are all right, even though it is completely innocent. That's why its a confession. We have issues...big ones, but I would not cheat on him. I just feel really lonely lately and I have tried to talk to him about our problems and it doesn't get anywhere. I don't think he is willing to put in the work.
I'm not going to flame you, but this is how every episode of "diary of an affair" begins.
I read this book a while back and I really liked it. Well at the end it had a bit about the author and a web address to his blog so I looked it up. Then on his blog it had his FB link so I sent a message just telling him I liked the book and asking when the next one was coming out. So he added me as a friend, replied a polite thank you for reading, told me the new book would be out later... yadda yadda yadda. No big deal right? Well then he sent out some messages to a few FB friends saying he had some left over copies and he was going to sign them and send them out to a few people hoping they will pass on their copies of the book, get the word out whatever.
I gave him my work address because 1.) i dont want DH to see them and think "why the hell is she making friends with dude authors on the internet and why is he sending signed copies to her?" 2.) I dont know if said author is a freak and giving out my home address seemed like a stupid thing to do.
It makes me sad to even type this, but I think we must be married to the same person. However I also have a 7 y/o SD who we have custody of and she calls me mom (bio mom hasn't seen her in over 5 years) and H says things like this to her. I feel like that is so much worse than saying them in front of DD because SD understands and uses it as a free pass to disrespect me, the only mother she's really known.
What's for Dinner?
I really dont know what to do with my DH. He is a veteran with PTSD, but I think he uses it as a crutch in his life. I understand he has issues with being in public, but when it comes to being at home and him being comfortable at home, I feel like there should be no reason that he isn't comfortable with me and his house. He is SOOOOOO defensive to me over the smallest little things. He completely snapped at me the other day for no reason and it turned into a huge fight. He is supposed to be taking Zanex 3 times a day, but he doesn't take it on a regular basis. He says he hates the way it makes him feel. I try to understand that it is a hard thing to deal with, but he needs to take it not only for himself, but to make our family better. I want to be selfish and say that I want him to take it for me too. We have a better relationship when his moods are evened out with the Zanex. I have no where to turn and he refuses to get counseling with me. I dont know what to do!
Also, I am having anxiety when it comes to DS. I weaned at 6 months (of pumping) due to him never latching and me just being sick with having to think I had to pump. Now that I have weaned, I have this anxiety about not having food for him. He is old enough that we could just give him table food and formula, but I am scared that we won't have food for him. So bad that I have to buy baby food or formula every time I go to Target or Walmart. Ugh!! I know we will always have for the baby even if we dont have for ourselves. Also, my parents would always help if we needed it. I wish I could just stop feeling this way!
Edit: What I meant to say was that when I ask him to do things around the house he always forgets and he says its because he can't remember anything because of his TBI. Well I understand that, but just because he had that happen in his life, I have to do 98% of everything in the house? We rarely go out and do anything because he is uncomfortable outside of his own house, but he doesn't even seem comfortable in his house. He is always on edge and defensive.
When DH was laid off and I was out of town, I called one of his exes and asked if she would go to our house and cheer him up and give him a hug because I was far away and couldn't hug him myself. That's how much I trust him and her. She was also a BM in our wedding.
This is possible flame-worthy.....I think black babies are waaay cuter than most white babies. I don't know if its the curly hair, the ethnic features of the face, or what. From when I was a little girl I remember thinking "I want one of those" when I saw a black baby because they are so darn cute.
When I read about marital troubles on this board I feel lucky, because I feel like there is a lot of luck in having a good marriage. You can do all the right things and do your best to find a great DH, and it can still fall apart. I have empathy for those dealing with troubles. But some posts I read and think "Um, did you guys never have a conversation before you get married?" There are some that I judge and think were irresponsible for having a baby when their relationships were a mess. I judge some friends IRL for this too. On the brink of divorce, going to counselling, then have a baby to try and make things work. Stupid.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
It sounds like he has depression as well as PTSD. Everything you said sounds textbook. And I think it doesn't help him at all that you look on a psychological problem as a crutch. I certainly understand being frustrated by a medical problem. My husband is diabetic, and isn't good about taking his medication and managing his disease. That doesn't mean I blame him for having it and think he could just deal with it if he tried.
I think maybe you should start with counseling to deal with having someone to care for this way. It is definitely stressful, and maybe if you could cope with that stress better, you'd be in a better position to help him deal, as well as modeling for him how beneficial counseling can be.
Clearly it's already been basically said, but to take it a step further than "be careful" and "this might be lying," I'm telling you flat out, DON'T DO THIS. Remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so no matter how much you "trust yourself," this would be wrong. The mere fact that you've been talking to this dude and your hubby doesn't know already puts you in the wrong. It is lying and sneaking, regardless of how much control and how little sex drive you may think you have. You are asking for more trouble than you know.
I like you a lot, so this is my tough internet love.
I agree. I've always wondered what made someone think others want to know when they're ovulating, It's kinda weird.
I totally empathize with this. This is the story of my life right now. And it seems like DH doesn't do anything around the house, or even clean up after himself. DH and I fight every day. On top of that, I am so not busy at work that I'm worried I'll get laid off soon, and then where will we be? How will we pay the mortgage? And we can't sell our house, because it's lost about 35% of its value. Things are just a mess.
Ok well I guess I dont think he uses it as a crutch as much as it is an excuse. I can ask him to do something around the house and he always claims that he forgets. If I remind him, then I am nagging or b*tching at him about it. There is where alot of our problems come into play. Maybe I need counseling on my own before we get counseling together. The fact that he refuses to take the meds that might help him is what irks me too!
I so understand the medication thing. And I know I probably came off awfully harsh, more so than I intended. But I do think he could be fighting depression, too. That could actually explain a lot of what you're saying, including the fact that he doesn't want to take his medication.