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Working Moms
how do you respond to this?
Hi! I'm new to this board. My DD is 9 months old and attends daycare (she's been going since she was 6 weeks). I often get the comment that I am letting someone else raise my child because I work and my child attends daycare. I'm just curious how other working moms respond to such comments.
I generally respond that DD's teacher cares for DD in my absence but is not "raising" her. How do you respond?
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Re: how do you respond to this?
I would say "so when you're child starts school at 5, you are no longer raising her? What about 1st grade and 2nd...someone else is raising your little one? is that the case? no, ok then, now you get it." You don't stop raising your child just because they start school...same thing with daycare.
Come on people, this is not rocket science! Just because we work does not mean we're not parents!
Ditto pp. Plus, that logical extension of that argument is that a DH who is working is not "raising" his children.
But, I don't actually respond to those comments by asserting a different opinion. I just ask, "What do you mean by that?" The nincompoop should have a real tough time explaining himself and just looks like an idiot.
depends on who says it... if it's someone i can't/don't want to piss off (like a boss) i would just ignore it.
if it's someone i didn't care about - i would say "well, that's a nice thing to say to a working mom. So- when your child goes to kindergarten, are you done raising him/her?"
As a former K teacher, former nanny, former daycare worker- i can tell you that NOTHING i did in my classroom all day long could have ever replaced the things the child learned from their parents at home. It doesn't matter how long you are with them each day - children will always be raised by their parents.
sometimes this is a bad thing
lol. I WISHED i could undo some of the things their parents raised them to know! lol
Welcome!
I think you can just say: "Really? I just don't feel that way at all. My child is happy, I am happy, we have a happy family. It's all good".
I punch them in the kidneys. PA-POW!
Honestly, I have yet to get that comment, although it can be awkward talking to friends who are SAHM about my being a working mother.
The above advice all sounds great to me, though.
My blog
who actually says that?
How about this - I think the person (or people) responsible for "raising" a child are the ones that love him unconditionally; stay up with him all night when he's sick; celebrate his accomplishments and cry when he gets hurt; worry about keeping him healthy and happy; and always put his needs before their own. The luckiest children have many people that fit this description - mother, father, siblings, grandparents, etc., all who can be considered "raising" the child.
As for daycare workers, I say they are teaching your child and providing care. Why on earth did the notion arise that only mothers are "supposed" to do these things???
Springtime - that's exactly the way that I think about it! You stated it far better than I ever have though!
I'd smile and say, "Yep! And they're doing a pretty good job, too!"
Nobody ever really has a response when you just cheerfully agree. They are expecting an argument.
Thanks!
This sort of thing just touches a nerve for me - I hope that if anyone ever accuses me of not raising my kids, I will remain collected enough to actually give that response!
I haven't gotten this specific comment. But I have had people say, oh I could never send my kid to daycare. Or people will just give me a sad look when I say she's in daycare.
I'm comfortable with our decision and I think that helps. DD LOVES daycare. And I tell people that. DD is a social butterfly and loves being around people and other babies. Seriously, I think she would go nuts if it was just me and her at home. I love her daycare and her teachers. I just tell people this if they ever question it. It works for our family. I do wish I worked part time and then I'd have the best of both worlds, but I certainly don't think daycare is raising my baby. Like others have said, she'll eventually go to school...they aren't raising her.
I've never had anyone say that to me and can't imagine anyone ever saying it but I'd probably just say "I'm sorry you feel that way, we're all really happy with the arrangement, my son is thriving (which people can see) and we feel very lucky to have our fabulous nanny in his life." ?
You can't change the minds of ignorant people and, IMO, only ignorant sexist people actually think stuff like that. ??
Luckily, I don't hear this very often. I don't have the option right now to be a SAHM but honestly, I think DS absolutely thrives because he is in day care and exposed to more than just me in the house, doing chores, going on walks, running errands etc.. I am thankful for the teachers that are a part of "raising" my child. They have been such a blessing for me. BUT he cries when I drop him off and bubbles when I pick him up so he knows who mom is.
I would just say that you didn't agree with them. That kind of ignorance isn't worth too much of a response.