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Would you not help out your husband??
There are posts on this board about adult children that make many mistakes over and over again. Many of you say that they need to take responsibility. Well what do you do when it is your DH?? If your DH is doing things that are irresponsible and causing problems in the family and you keep bailing him out, when do you say enough is enough and stop enabling him?? This is about money.
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Re: Would you not help out your husband??
Click me, click me!
Follow your instincts.
It seems like if you have to question if enough is enough, then you aren't there yet.
Evaluate reasons why it is better for you to stay than to go. Figure out what's best for you and your child(ren) if you have them. Money is always tricky. You need it to survive, but there are so many other parts to a marriage. Is the marriage lacking in other areas?
I would have to say:
1. if he's borrowing money and isn't returning it - I mean money in the hundreds and really not trying to repay it.
2. spending money on "things" instead of paying important bills - shopaholic and really isn't seeking help
3. using money for destructive vices (gambling, drinking, etc..)and again not seeking help.
I will answer this but will probably delete it eventually. I have not been in the situation but have given it great though...ironically have to cut off adult SD too, lol.
My DH used to gamble (casinos) years before we met. He was in GA for about 5 orr 6 years when we started dating. A few months back (not sure if anyone remembers my post about finding emails from DH lying to me) I found out he went to a casino twice. Needless to say I was PISSED and upset - not 100% over it either but we have pretty much settled it. If it ever happens again he will be going to regular GA meeting again. If I was concerned that he would risk our savings/the kids savings etc or put us into debt then we would have a very serious issue...I will not jepordize my kids well being for him. Please do not get me wrong, I love him and never want to leave but the kids would come first. I made it pretty clear that he was jepordizing our family. BTW, no one knows any of this.
Two years into our relationship, all these debts showed up at my FI's apartment. He cosigned a car with his ex gf (between BM and me), at a young age. He had a few others from him being completely irresponsible. I told him I wasn't paying a dime towards his debt and we wouldn't get married until he cleared it up. We were considering options with a situation about a week ago, and he wanted to go the old route and be irresponsible. I told him if he did that, and ended up in trouble I wouldn't bail him out. He got mad at me but I said "F that! I'm telling you the right thing to do, if you don't listen to me, you are on your own." He was pretty furious, but I stand by what I believe. I think he took me seriously because his brother and sister are major screwups and I reaffirm every time that they need to be thrown out on their butts. He did things my way and sent the payment on Saturday morning
I don't know what you mean by "not enabling anymore". I'm not sure if you mean leaving him or letting him fail with this situation and making him deal with the consequences. But enabling NEVER works. If you never let him suffer consequences for what he's done, there's no motivation for him to cut it out. Why should he when he knows you'll fix it in the end? I realize my situation is different because our credit isn't tied together just yet, but that's just my POV.