Within the last couple months, I've been privy to two disturbing cases in which couples requested to parent a child on the waiting list, received the referral, and then changed their minds.
In the first case, the couple did not have the child's file properly translated, and when they later found out the extent of his medical condition, decided that they could not become his parents.
In the second case, the couple traveled to bring their daughter home, and while there decided that she deserved a family "that could love her completely" and so decided not to complete the adoption. I don't know many more specifics about this case, except that the couple was of mixed heritage (Peruvian-American), did not use an agency, mentioned that the girl's condition was not severe (in fact less severe than they had feared), and has two biological sons.
In both cases, it seems the couples let their emotions get the better of them. The first couple was denied an earlier referral, and seemed to jump the gun with the second child. The second couple began their process seeking a healthy 2 year-old, and ended up requesting an older child with special needs. I'm guessing (but don't know) they made this switch to speed up their referral.
These cases have my emotions all in knots. I'm angry for the children left behind, and the rejection they must feel. I'm angry because it appears these families made their decisions in haste, because the wait had gotten to them, and the result is a child was told of their new parents, only to have their feelings crushed and hopes dashed. I'm angry because it is making my husband and me be overly-cautious, in fear of making similar, ill-advised choices.
BUT, I'm also scared. I'm wondering what would happen if we met the child referred to us, and for some reason felt that it was a mistake. I'm wondering if there is ever a situation in which I could imagine this happening. I'm wondering what that situation would be. I hate to even think of it, but I can't help but fear it.
So, what would make you seriously consider refusing a referral after meeting the child? For the purposes of discussion, please try really hard to not answer, "nothing;" I'd really like to see if there are any scenarios in which this could make sense, and I'm currently at a loss.