NGPR: Friend vent

mooeta · April 2009

I have a friend whom I enjoy talking to sooo much, but our conversations are always initiated by me. I think that friends should have a mutual desire to communicate one another and not be so one sided. OF late our conversations haven't been going so well... one word responses, long pauses, and ignoring some things I say completely. I'm just so upset about this, I mean upset enough I just cried at work. ugg.

vshadd00 · April 2009

awe, that stinks. Have you told your freind about this?

InsyNCurtis · April 2009

I have a friend like that. We both realized that it was getting worse, we talked about it and things are better for the most part. We are just at differrent points in our lives right now.

I hope things get worked out for you!

bonnin507 · April 2009

I totally agree with you; it's like any relationship, if the feelings aren't reciprocated, it dies. There doesn't happen to be anything going on in your friend's life that might be making her distracted is there? Maybe she's just going through something.

mooeta · April 2009

Kinda but not really, I guess IDK maybe I'm a needy friend. I'm afraid bringing it up will create more of a strain on the friendship. I wish I could walk away.

wlknsnlrn · April 2009

I am sorry, but she may not realize she is doing it.

Mrs.Andreazza · April 2009

::sigh:: That sux, but I know how that goes. I really don't talk to half of my "friends" anymore, because I'm tired of the one chasing everyone down to have a convo or get together. And if I do finally talk to them, it's all about them. They can call me if they want, but I am done with it. It really hurts my feelings in the long run, but it's time to move on. And do I really want those kind of people as my friends anymore? I'm too old for this crap!

mooeta · April 2009

bonnin507:
I totally agree with you; it's like any relationship, if the feelings aren't reciprocated, it dies. There doesn't happen to be anything going on in your friend's life that might be making her distracted is there? Maybe she's just going through something.

Finals are going on, and I guess that could be it. I mean Sunday it was like we were back to normal then all this week it has been crap wrapped in crap served with a side of crap. I'm just too hormonal to deal with this right now

stupid PMS

jshay778 · April 2009

Have you tried talking to the friend? Is something wrong on her end??

Mrs. BZ · April 2009

I have a friend like that too. It seems that if we're at different points in our lives, our conversations tend to suffer. But, when there's drama in our lives, the convos are super exciting!

Maybe you can talk to her about it or jsut give her some space and maybe after a few days, things will liven up.

M&M&R · April 2009

I had the same issue with a friend that I loved and had been friends with for years. I felt that all of the conversations were initiated by me. I was so upset. One day I told myself that I was not going to be the one to make the phone call and see how long it took her to call me...and she never made the call. I was devastated.

I guess what I'm saying is that things aren't always what they seem to be. I still see my friend out and we have a great time when we do, I just don't waste my time trying to keep a friendship when she couldn't even bother to be the one to call me.

mymee · April 2009

My best friend has never had close friends, so she always dealt with things on her own (army brat) so I am always the one to initiate the call unless something happens.

However, once I call, she's very involved in the conversation. It's just a thing about her that I had to accept, and once I realized that it's just how she is and she means nothing by it, it's okay.

But if your friend isn't really involved in the conversation, something else may be up. When in doubt, talk about it. If you're not accusing (maybe approach the entire thing from a "Did I do something?" standpoint) you may find out she's going through something you have no idea she is. My best friend just found out yesterday that DH and I are TTC, and we've been on this path since December. But that's just because I was hoping everything would just go really smoothly and work out and the first thing I'd need to talk about was my BFP.

hjk5000 · April 2009

I hate that, I always feel like those friends are mad at me or like they are just putting up with me or something. However, in her defense, I have been that friend before as well. If I was really busy or going through something tough, then I just didn't want to deal with anyone including my good friends.

Just give her some space and hopefully things will be back to normal soon, we all have our days/weeks like this.

mrs.Awoods · April 2009

mooeta:

bonnin507:
I totally agree with you; it's like any relationship, if the feelings aren't reciprocated, it dies. There doesn't happen to be anything going on in your friend's life that might be making her distracted is there? Maybe she's just going through something.

Finals are going on, and I guess that could be it. I mean Sunday it was like we were back to normal then all this week it has been crap wrapped in crap served with a side of crap. I'm just too hormonal to deal with this right now

stupid PMS

I know this won't really make it any better, but I think her and I are going through the same thing.

Finals are this week and next week for me also, and after working 9 hours, going to school for 2, and coming home only to study and take care of the house, I've become a silent recluse. My best friend works with me, and I really can't tell you anything she has said to me in the last week or so. I really don't mean to, but I completely block out the conversations.

Hopefully once finals are over, she'll come around.

Phoebe Halliwell · April 2009

Talk to her about it. Seriously. I was feeling very resentful towards a good friend of mine about a year or so ago because she never made time for me, despite my repeated attempts and invitations to get together. Like you, I also think that friendship is a two-way street and needs to be maintained and nurtured by both people involved. And at the time I felt like I was the one making all the effort to maintain ours. Every time I invited her to do something, she'd have a litany of excuses about how busy she was, how stressful her life was, how she never had time for private family time with just her husband and twin toddlers, and so forth and so on. Most of the time, however, this was due to the fact that her social calendar was already so full because she couldn't seem to say no to anyone, especially hers and her husband's families. Anyone except me, that is. I just seemed to be the friend she called and vented to about how busy she was with everyone else. Finally, I had a talk with her about, well, basically everything I just said, and how it was hurting me... and us. She got angry and defensive at first, but then she came around. She didn't even realize what she was doing. And truthfully, she became a lot more attainable after that - she really made the effort. In fact, we're getting together to grill out with our husbands this Friday night.

So talk to your friend. It will probably help clear the air. GL. Smile

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