Comments from DC Provider? — The Bump
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Comments from DC Provider?

I feel like I am constantly getting comments (mostly unwanted) from my in home daycare provider. My daughter has been there for 2 months now and it seems like it is always something or the other. Yesterday, I go to pick her up and she can't wait to tell me, in an exasperated tone, that my DD "doesn't like the baby pool". She said she sat in her with it for a few minutes, which she tolerated, then she didn't like it and wanted to get out. My DD was born in November so she has never gone "swimming" before. I tried her myself in the pool and the water felt pretty cold (atleast not like the warm bathwater she is used to!) It was like she couldn't believe it. Geez lady, she is a baby, if she doesn't like something, move on to something else.

 Then she had to tell me that my DD doesn't like when she holds her sitting up or to burp. She said she "screams like she is in pain" until she gets into a different position. She doesn't do this for us. I told her, "I don't know what to tell you, she is fine for me". She keeps asking us if we have talked to our pedi about her motor skills because she is not sitting up, or rolling over, at 5 months. My DD is a big girl. As my pedi put it, she is probably just "content" and all babies develop at their own pace.

 Lastly, she keeps asking me about feeding her cereal. She is pressing me to put it in her bottles. We just started her on spoon fed cereal and are taking it very slow because I am not 100% sure that the cereal is agreeing with her. Also, my pedi recommended to spoon feed her, not bottle feed her, so she eventually gets used to it. It is just practice at this stage, and she said no baby foods until after 5 months, although it is up to us. We feed my DD in the mornings, because I definately want to do it myself to gauge her reactions, plus I can't imagine the comments she would make - she doesn't like the spoon! the chair! this, that, the other thing!

I am so frustrated. A couple friends I have deal with the same issue with their in home DCP. Is it that no one can take care of/deal with your child like your own? Or is this unusual. I need some advice here. Thanks.

Re: Comments from DC Provider?

  • Sorry, but I am not a fan of your provider.  First of all, you NEVER put cereal in bottles-- it should only be spoon fed and only at the pace of the baby.  It is not even necessary to start it before 6 months, so the fact that you are going slowly to make sure it agrees with her is perfectly fine.  We didn't start until 6 months anyway.

    DS did not roll over until he was 5 months and then started walking at 10 months.  As you said, they go at their own pace.  Jeez, it's like she is a meddling MIL.  YOU are the parent and she is going to have to learn to deal.  It is as if she thinks she has all of the answers and you are some moron with a baby.  I think a conversation is in order.  FWIW, DS is in a center and we didn't have to deal with this (they did ask us when we were going to start baby food because many of the other babies his age were already on it- I explained that we and the pedi decided on 6 months and that was the end of it.  They are very respectful of us as his parents.)

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  • My dd didn't roll over until 5.5 months from back to belly and belly to back at 6 months (yes she did it backwards) and didn't sit up until at least 7 months!  NEVER give cereal in a bottle...never never.  My nephew rolled over at 4 months, sat up my 5.5 but still doesn't crawl or pull himself up and he's a month older than my dd.  He is content just hanging out, he's always been.

    As far as the way she holds her, if she knows she screams like that, stop doing it.  AND no baby at 5 months likes COLD pools!  We filled the bath tub with luke warm water this weekend and my 9 MONTH OLD complained about it...please!

    My DH stays home, so I'm not sure how in home works but I do know that day care centers have qualified caregivers that are very aware of what is typical now days (like no cereal in the bottle and babies develop at different rates).  It's a school for babies so you may want to consider it.

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  • I would be annoyed and would be looking for a new place.  It's never going to be perfect but it sounds like you have several problems with this place that you may not have to deal with elsewhere.
  • I would get comments from mine a lot too but not as serious as yours.  It's definately annoying though. 
  • I'm going to guess your provider is older, maybe 50?  She *does* sound like a meddling MIL.  I've only had experience with a center but they understand that we are the parents and for the most part, what we say goes.  I think the most they've ever said to me was "uh, you really might want to go up a diaper size.  She's having a lot of blow outs."  Definitely no comments on our parenting style, etc. 
  • DD's first daycare provider was like this. I never felt great about it. I knew she was safe and well taken care of, but I hated the feeling that she was being made out to be a difficult child, and my husband and I the clueless parents. She was consistently compared to another baby who was a few weeks younger and was made to appear to be behind, though she was ahead of all milestones.  Finally, the provider told me one day that she "couldn't stand her anymore" b/c she was crying a lot, and that she stuck her in a pack and play to cry it out and take a nap... while the other kids had a Halloween party with costumes.  It took all I had in me to not tear her head off.  It still makes me sick to relive it.

    My daughter started a new daycare 2 weeks later, and let me tell you - the difference is amazing.  I was so worried she'd be the "high maintenance" kid, and she's actually turned out to be the opposite. Rather than griping about the things that make her HER, she is appreciated.  I'm not talked down to, or told a better way to do things - but I still get great ideas from her provider when I'm not sure how to handle things.  This is an in-home provider too - they're not all like the one you've described.

    I'd look into other options. I didn't want my daughter growing up feeling like she was a bother, which is how the provider made her out to be. It doesn't have to be like that for you.  good luck.

     

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  • imageJaylea:

    DD's first daycare provider was like this. I never felt great about it. I knew she was safe and well taken care of, but I hated the feeling that she was being made out to be a difficult child, and my husband and I the clueless parents. She was consistently compared to another baby who was a few weeks younger and was made to appear to be behind, though she was ahead of all milestones.  Finally, the provider told me one day that she "couldn't stand her anymore" b/c she was crying a lot, and that she stuck her in a pack and play to cry it out and take a nap... while the other kids had a Halloween party with costumes.  It took all I had in me to not tear her head off.  It still makes me sick to relive it.

    Jaylea - this makes me furious for you!  I'm so glad you got her out of that place. 

  • imagekatydid2007:
    imageJaylea:

    DD's first daycare provider was like this. I never felt great about it. I knew she was safe and well taken care of, but I hated the feeling that she was being made out to be a difficult child, and my husband and I the clueless parents. She was consistently compared to another baby who was a few weeks younger and was made to appear to be behind, though she was ahead of all milestones.? Finally, the provider told me one day that she "couldn't stand her anymore" b/c she was crying a lot, and that she stuck her in a pack and play to cry it out and take a nap... while the other kids had a Halloween party with costumes.? It took all I had in me to not tear her head off.? It still makes me sick to relive it.

    Jaylea - this makes me furious for you!? I'm so glad you got her out of that place.?

    I can't even put into words how mad I was. I couldn't speak - there were children around and I knew I would rip her apart if I opened my mouth. ?To add to all of this, when my daughter was a baby she had terrible food allergies and reflux. She spent the first 4 months of her life screaming all the time - and we got it all sorted out before she started daycare... it just made me ill to think that she was less liked because she sometimes had painful reflux.

    We did constant stop-ins (unnanounced) and took time off as much as we could for the two weeks - and on the last day I told her that it was probably time for her to retire if she couldn't handle caring for a baby.

    Ugh! now I am all wound up about it.?

    imageimage
  • imageJaylea:
    imagekatydid2007:
    imageJaylea:

    DD's first daycare provider was like this. I never felt great about it. I knew she was safe and well taken care of, but I hated the feeling that she was being made out to be a difficult child, and my husband and I the clueless parents. She was consistently compared to another baby who was a few weeks younger and was made to appear to be behind, though she was ahead of all milestones.  Finally, the provider told me one day that she "couldn't stand her anymore" b/c she was crying a lot, and that she stuck her in a pack and play to cry it out and take a nap... while the other kids had a Halloween party with costumes.  It took all I had in me to not tear her head off.  It still makes me sick to relive it.

    Jaylea - this makes me furious for you!  I'm so glad you got her out of that place. 

    I can't even put into words how mad I was. I couldn't speak - there were children around and I knew I would rip her apart if I opened my mouth.  To add to all of this, when my daughter was a baby she had terrible food allergies and reflux. She spent the first 4 months of her life screaming all the time - and we got it all sorted out before she started daycare... it just made me ill to think that she was less liked because she sometimes had painful reflux.

    We did constant stop-ins (unnanounced) and took time off as much as we could for the two weeks - and on the last day I told her that it was probably time for her to retire if she couldn't handle caring for a baby.

    Ugh! now I am all wound up about it. 

    sorry to get you all fired up!  My reaction would have been exactly the same.  I just can't believe that someone who's job it is to care for babies would be so insensitive.  You were definitely justified to tell her she should retire.  Perhaps it wasn't the reflux at all -- maybe your DD just didn't like her.  Either way, it's better that you found out when you did and were able to make a change. 

  • It sounds like you need to find a different place for your DD. I use an in home DC and so far (1 month) it's been great. I don't get any comments like that and DS seems happy to be there. I hope you find a new place with a respectful provider.
    2007 BFP#1 MMC 12w; 2008 BFP#2 DS1; 2010 BFP#3 DS2; 2011 TTC; 2013 Pursuing DIA
  • imageMAprincess:

    Sorry, but I am not a fan of your provider.  First of all, you NEVER put cereal in bottles-- it should only be spoon fed and only at the pace of the baby.  It is not even necessary to start it before 6 months, so the fact that you are going slowly to make sure it agrees with her is perfectly fine.  We didn't start until 6 months anyway.

    That's not necessarily true - Our pedi had us put rice cereal in DS's bottle to help with his constant spitting up...It did help and now we are slowly "weaning" him off it.  However, it is most certainly not the DCP's place to suggest such a thing.

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  • First of all, did you approve of her taking your dd into the pool? I dont' care if it's a baby pool or not. I dont' like ANYONE having ds in/around water at all. And I love my DCP but I'm sorry, no water unless he needs a bath from an explosive diaper!

    Second, why is she badgering you about food? That's your call, not hers.

    I think you need to look for another DCP. They shouldn't be questioning every move you make as a parent. It's stressful enough, w/out them adding to it. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful but I think she's putting her nose where it doesn't belong. Plus I'd be worried if she she cries a lot for the DCP but not for you. That tells me there's something wrong. I've dealt with a bad DCP and it was horrible. I kept thinking something just wasn't right and I'm glad we took him out when we did. Trusting your DCP is just so huge, you can't take the risk if you think something is wrong. Go with your gut.

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