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I feel like an awful friend

Rubys_MomRubys_Mom
in Trying to Get Pregnant

So my girlfriends from high school have a yearly girls trip.  This year I just found out that one of my friends that I don't keep in contact with much is pregnant and due October 4th, I would have been due October 6th.  So my gf emails all of us saying let's do a baby shower on our trip.  I haven't emailed back yet, but I feel like an awful friend because I just don't know if I can do it. 

Maybe at that point I could, but I hate the fact that I feel this way.  I want to be happy for her, but it's so effing hard I can't stand it.  So here's my question, if you were in my shoes, what would you do???  Go and be with a friend that is almost exactly where you should have been, pregnancy wise, or politely decline. 

Thanks ladies!

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Re: I feel like an awful friend

  • kb75kb75

    I'm so sorry. That must really be hard.

    If it's a friend that I wasn't that close with, I would probably politely decline.

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  • Mrs. BZMrs. BZ
    I would go. I know it would be hard, but if she's a good friend of mine, she would need my support either way.
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  • AMYfromKYAMYfromKY member
    That's a rough one.  You really just need to go with your gut.  If you honestly don't think you can do it, don't.  What if you were pregnant again by then though?  Do you think that would make it easier?
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  • edimleredimler
    if you don't keep in contact with her I would decline but would that mean not going on the trip with the friends you are in contact with? that makes it a little stickier. I think you have to do whatever makes you happy/comfortable.
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  • MSC03MSC03 member
    When is the trip? Do you have some time to think about it?
    imageimage
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  • Rubys_MomRubys_Mom
    imageAMYfromKY:
    That's a rough one.  You really just need to go with your gut.  If you honestly don't think you can do it, don't.  What if you were pregnant again by then though?  Do you think that would make it easier?
    Amy, that's a really good thought, I don't know, but I'm leaning towards maybe.....
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  • MoonBaby123MoonBaby123 member
    I would go ahead and accept the invitation. When it gets closer to October and you still feel like it will be to hard, than I would politely decline.
    DS due 03/07/2018
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    DD born 09/17/2012
    TTC since November 2008
    3 rounds of Clomid = Fail

    1 round of injectables + IUI converted to IVF = cancelled

    1 year break to ease my mind and body = KU!

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  • Rubys_MomRubys_Mom
    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    When is the trip? Do you have some time to think about it?
    The trip is end of July early August, so I do have sometime, I just got the email today and was thinking about it.  I don't have to make a decision right now, just in time to book a plane ticket.
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  • AMYfromKYAMYfromKY member

    imageAbbyTownsend:
    imageAMYfromKY:
    That's a rough one.  You really just need to go with your gut.  If you honestly don't think you can do it, don't.  What if you were pregnant again by then though?  Do you think that would make it easier?
    Amy, that's a really good thought, I don't know, but I'm leaning towards maybe.....

    In that case, I would see how the next few cycles go and then make a decision.  You can almost wait until the beginning of July to make a concrete decision because you can generally get plane tickets pretty close to your trip.  

    In the end, I do think you should make the decision that is best for you. 

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  • BcbscorpBcbscorp member

    Are your friends aware of your m/c? That may be something you want to address with the organizer so that this trip is not turned into a complete party for said pg distant friend.  I wouldn't decline yet, take some time to analyze the situation and decide if this would be worth the potential heart ache.

    Im sorry your going through this, best wishes!

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  • wlknsnlrnwlknsnlrn
    I would go because it might be good for you.
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  • Rubys_MomRubys_Mom
    imageBcbscorp:

    Are your friends aware of your m/c?

    Out of the gropu of 10, 4 know and I chose not to tell the others.  The 4 that know are my very close friends and the one that suggested a baby shower does not know.  I didn't want to say anything because I don't want them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me. I appreciate all your feedback, I have some time so I will wait and see how it goes.  Thanks ladies!
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  • bbjoysbbjoys
    I'm so sorry.  That is really tough.  Personally, if you don't think you can handle it, don't go.
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  • tct1219tct1219 member
    i'm sorry. i really wouldn't be able to do it. even if you feel better about it when you go, i think the baby clothes and other gifts will make you sad, or at the very least extremely uncomfortable and you probably won't be able to have fun. that's just my opinion, though.
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  • Rubys_MomRubys_Mom
    Ladies thank you for all your feedback, but I have to go now, my soccer team plays this evening and I have go catch a school bus!!  Have a great rest of the day!
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  • Mrs_CarrollMrs_Carroll
    I agree with previous posts. See how you feel closer to the date and go from there.
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