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Does this make me a horrible person?

Ash123Ash123
in Special Needs

Sometimes in the midst of caring for my son I wonder... What does a parent of a "normal baby" worry about?

I just started thinking of this as my husband and I are mapping out the last wet diaper our son had, and trying to gauge when we will have to make yet another trip to the hospital. This is our every day life. I usually do have a bag packed just in case. We use it often, sadly. 

It almost doesn't phase us anymore. Of course we don't enjoy it, but... that's how things are for us. This is our normal. It just makes me wonder what a parent of a "normal" child does day to day. What do they discuss? What is life like for them?

Is that terrible of me?

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Re: Does this make me a horrible person?

  • mom2be:)2008mom2be:)2008 member

    No Ash it does not make you a horrible person at all.  I feel the same way sometimes, like what do parents of normal babies worry about when they aren't worrying about medication schedules or diagnostic tests or surgeries etc.  I often feel jealous of parents who are just going through the first year, watching milestones, and thinking about a first birthday party and I am just worrying about how she'll come through her surgery in June. 

    I know where you are coming from.  Hang in there.

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  • amajaneamajane member

    It's as if we all live in our own different dimension.?

    I certainly don't feel like I belong in the clique of moms with "normal babies". I mean, they try to relate too be all nice but when one of them starts whining about having a picky eater or how sad they are their baby is growing up to fast- I cut the playdate short.

    But all things are relative. They too have worries it's just that their worries seem rather silly to us. And they are, if you compare them to ours. I do think a lot of them know how lucky they are to have a healthy baby and are grateful for their good luck.

    You are not a terrible person. Not at all.?

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  • madisonmadison member
    imageamajane:

    It's as if we all live in our own different dimension. 

    I certainly don't feel like I belong in the clique of moms with "normal babies". I mean, they try to relate too be all nice but when one of them starts whining about having a picky eater or how sad they are their baby is growing up to fast- I cut the playdate short.

    But all things are relative. They too have worries it's just that their worries seem rather silly to us. And they are, if you compare them to ours. I do think a lot of them know how lucky they are to have a healthy baby and are grateful for their good luck.

    You are not a terrible person. Not at all. 

    I could not have said it better!

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  • Kristin78Kristin78
    imageamajane:

    It's as if we all live in our own different dimension. 

    I certainly don't feel like I belong in the clique of moms with "normal babies". I mean, they try to relate too be all nice but when one of them starts whining about having a picky eater or how sad they are their baby is growing up to fast- I cut the playdate short.

    But all things are relative. They too have worries it's just that their worries seem rather silly to us. And they are, if you compare them to ours. I do think a lot of them know how lucky they are to have a healthy baby and are grateful for their good luck.

    You are not a terrible person. Not at all. 

    Ditto this  :)

    image
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  • EnglishMajor03EnglishMajor03 member

    It's not terrible at all!  I have had friends who've had babies after DD was born and their arrival home, adjustment to life with their baby seems to be handled so gracefully, without effort.  Meanwhile, parents of special needs kids are always wondering why their baby is crying ('normal' baby stuff, or something else is wrong), never mind the endless trips to the doctor's or the NICU stay.  It's incredibly stressful to have a special needs baby and many times DH and I comment about other families and how lucky they have it.  Like you, getting admitted to the hospital for a simple cold or flu is our life now, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens. 

     To me, having DD was such a blessing for DH and I, however I feel permanently scared and jaded on the birthing/bringing home baby process.  Nothing can hurt like giving birth and then not being able to hold or see your baby for three days. 

    I recently found out I am pregnant and I'm just hoping and praying for a normal stay at the hospital and normal transition at home.

    image
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  • jenerallyjenerally member

    I pink puffy heart this thread.

    DS1 is speech delayed and that was hard enough ... now DS2 is in the NICU with a Level 2-3 IVH and we're wondering about "stupid" things like the medical cost and "not stupid" things like what kind of delays he will have.

    And I was in Target earlier today and found myself hating all the women with two seemingly healthy, "normal" children with her ... and wondering why my life couldn't be like that, too. It looks like such a nice place to be in, instead of the heII I currently feel. I'm so angry at life and feel so resentful of the people who don't know better. And I wish I was one of them.

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  • jzc0106jzc0106
    i totally understand.  i wonder what its like to touch the skin of a baby and it not feel rough.  i also wonder what its like to change a baby and not have the scream because i have to cover them in chilly creams or scream b/c i have to scrub them in their bath.  the night we give dd her bleach bath, we take her out of her 10 minute soak and she's happy as a clam.  we put her back in to plain water for her scrub and she's all miserable again.  i always wonder what its like not to have this SN. 
    image
    PLC 7.16.07 * MDC 10.16.10
    Foundation for Ichthyosis and Related Skin Types
    Educate, inspire and connect those touched by ichthyosis and related disorders through emotional support, information, advocacy and research funding for better treatments and eventual cures.
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  • Buckets of MoonbeamsBuckets of Moonbeams
    Totally ditto the "do-over," down to the exact phrase.  Lately I've been thinking I want another baby right away, because it would be a do-over.  Which is probably a very wrong reason to have another baby, but it's how I feel.  The next time will be too easy, it won't even feel real.  It'll be hilarious worrying about "ooh, when is Baby going to STTN" or "oh noes, Baby is growing out of clothes faster than I can buy them," instead of worrying about bi-weekly dr. appointments, congestive heart failure and failure-to-thrive.
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  • Mrs WomanMrs Woman
    I know what you mean. I sometime get jealous and sad when I see other women with their healthy, normal babies.
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