How to hint politely - is it possible?

jensahokie · April 2009

My work is hosting a shower for me in 2 weeks. I really appreciate the gesture, but I am kind of dreading it. Our wedding shower was interesting... a bunch of random things and gift cards. I loved the gift cards but either gave away or took back almost everything else... another thing - no gift receipts. So I guessed at what I could and then went to Good Will.

We've had several baby showers for other co-workers recently and all of the gifts seemed to be clothes, blankets and random little things. (I've already bought tons of clothes.) We've registered for just the basics since we are moving overseas about 6 weeks after the delivery and we really need to get these things (this is baby #1). RIght now we are trying to sell our house, both are graduating, preparing for the baby and moving to Japan, and I will be going on active duty (Navy) right after I deliver - all very stressful.

I've already received a gift I don't know what to do with and I don't know where it's from. I'd hate for these people to go shopping for us and then for me to just give it away. The rude bottom line? I'd love to get just gift cards or things from my registry. I've put several things under $15 on the registry for the people who want to give us a gift on a budget.

Also, we've gotten some gender-neutral things since we picked a gender-neutral name, but we're having a girl so I wish I could exchange some of these things we've already gotten for pink. But I have no idea where to take them.

DH and I really appreciate the gesture and generosity but we have sooo much going on right now that it just seems easier to give these things away. Is there any way to hint politely or do I just smile, nod, and donate?

DiscusCoach · April 2009

Smile, say thank-you and find someone who needs it. You've got it!

brightning · April 2009

DiscusCoach:
Smile, say thank-you and find someone who needs it. You've got it!

Exactly this.

RoxyLynn · April 2009

Smile and enjoy the fact that these people are excited enough for you to share in your joy.

StVincentGrad · April 2009

I think that some people buy baby stuff on clearance so that when they get roped into going to and bringing a gift to a baby shower that they don't really want to spend any money to attend, they have a $5 gift on hand.

oregontechmom · April 2009

Of course it's possible. Maybe inform the person who is organizing it (there is always one) that you'd like it to be well-announced that you are moving overseas and that gifts are not necessary but that gift cards would be the most appreciated gift if people decided to give anything. No explanation necessary. (i.e. we can't take physical stuff with us, please just give gift cards if you feel you would like to give us a gift.)

StVincentGrad · April 2009

In all seriousness, if the shower is only two weeks away, isn't it a little too late to hint to people what kind of gifts you would like? Unless somebody was going out to shop next weekend, then most likely they have already purchased the gift that they are bringing to the shower.

It might have been easier to hint if the shower was further out.

Erin Mary Ackerman · April 2009

Congrats on the baby! Good luck with the move. Keep your mouth shut about gifts. Donate what you don't want/need AFTER you send a nice thank you note.

At1stsight · April 2009

I agree with PPs: don't you dare say a word to the guests and be grateful for what you receive. I also think that it'd be ok for you to mention to the host/hostess that with the upcoming move you'd prefer gift cards to other items for the simplicity of packing. He/She may or may not pass it along, so don't expect that to change everyone's gifts.

mlwurster · April 2009

StVincentGrad:
In all seriousness, if the shower is only two weeks away, isn't it a little too late to hint to people what kind of gifts you would like? Unless somebody was going out to shop next weekend, then most likely they have already purchased the gift that they are bringing to the shower.
It might have been easier to hint if the shower was further out.

mlwurster · April 2009

mlwurster:
StVincentGrad:

In all seriousness, if the shower is only two weeks away, isn't it a little too late to hint to people what kind of gifts you would like? Unless somebody was going out to shop next weekend, then most likely they have already purchased the gift that they are bringing to the shower.

It might have been easier to hint if the shower was further out.

It's really great that you took a double dose of bitter this morning! I'm sure all of the ladies appreciate your helpful comments today. In reality, most people don't buy gifts for a shower until the week before the party.

seniah_05 · April 2009

You can do both:

Hint politely: people may ask what you need - mention the move and the packing hassle so you need gift cards more than anything to buy odds and ends for the baby; when people ask how things are getting ready for a move and a baby - mention having too much stuff to pack, wishing you could have a way to buy things when you get there, etc.

And if mentioning it through the course of conversation doesn't work, then that is when you just smile, nod, and donate (or sell if you have an ebay-or the like - savvy friend.

jolis_petits_bijoux · April 2009

Well, as everyone else said, there isn't really too much you can do. Since this is a work shower and it's in two weeks, they've probably already done their shopping (or planned for what they're going to do).

This might be a regional thing... because I am a little surprised that no one asked you where you're registered/what you'd like. Around here, it seems that at work showers, what happens most often is that everyone who wants to participate throws in $15 or $20 and one or two people do the shopping for the entire group... usually, that money is used to collectively purchase one or several bigger ticket items, maybe including a gift card. It sounds like the wedding/work showers that you've been to before at your workplace are more like a traditional friends/family shower, where most guests do their own thing, and bring their own gift.

So, I'd approach this as I would a friends/family shower, and talk to whoever's acting as the hostess (if one person is?), and explain your preference for gift cards, in case anyone asks her. Make sure to tell her simply where you are registered, and that you would really appreciate gift cards, in order to simplify the moving process, and wait to buy baby's items until after your upcoming move overseas. Don't mention to anyone that you don't want clothes, etc., because you already bought tons of them. That could be off-putting to potential gift givers - after all, it isn't their problem that you bought the fun stuff (clothes) and expect them to buy the boring necessities.

Hopefully, people will realize that since you'll be moving to another country shortly, large/cumbersome gifts may not be extremely practical, and might go with gift cards or cash... but don't count on it. You never really know what guests are going to do!

StVincentGrad · April 2009

mlwurster:
mlwurster:
StVincentGrad:

In all seriousness, if the shower is only two weeks away, isn't it a little too late to hint to people what kind of gifts you would like? Unless somebody was going out to shop next weekend, then most likely they have already purchased the gift that they are bringing to the shower.

It might have been easier to hint if the shower was further out.

It's really great that you took a double dose of bitter this morning! I'm sure all of the ladies appreciate your helpful comments today. In reality, most people don't buy gifts for a shower until the week before the party.

People with jobs and lives need to plan ahead and get things done ahead of time. Some people feel that the weekends are for spending time with their families. I certainly would not enjoy having to rush out the weekend before a work shower to buy a gift for somebody, when I could be spending it with my lovely family.

StVincentGrad · April 2009

jensahokie:
My work is hosting a shower for me in 2 weeks. I really appreciate the gesture, but I am kind of dreading it. Our wedding shower was interesting... a bunch of random things and gift cards. I loved the gift cards but either gave away or took back almost everything else... another thing - no gift receipts. So I guessed at what I could and then went to Good Will.

We've had several baby showers for other co-workers recently and all of the gifts seemed to be clothes, blankets and random little things. (I've already bought tons of clothes.) We've registered for just the basics since we are moving overseas about 6 weeks after the delivery and we really need to get these things (this is baby #1). RIght now we are trying to sell our house, both are graduating, preparing for the baby and moving to Japan, and I will be going on active duty (Navy) right after I deliver - all very stressful.

I've already received a gift I don't know what to do with and I don't know where it's from. I'd hate for these people to go shopping for us and then for me to just give it away. The rude bottom line? I'd love to get just gift cards or things from my registry. I've put several things under $15 on the registry for the people who want to give us a gift on a budget.

Also, we've gotten some gender-neutral things since we picked a gender-neutral name, but we're having a girl so I wish I could exchange some of these things we've already gotten for pink. But I have no idea where to take them.

DH and I really appreciate the gesture and generosity but we have sooo much going on right now that it just seems easier to give these things away. Is there any way to hint politely or do I just smile, nod, and donate?

Honestly, you sound like a greedy, money-grubbing cow.

DNK777 · April 2009

You can tell the host where you are registered that way they can let guests know if they ask, but other than that just smile, nod, and donate.

kbud9 · April 2009

StVincentGrad:
jensahokie:

My work is hosting a shower for me in 2 weeks. I really appreciate the gesture, but I am kind of dreading it. Our wedding shower was interesting... a bunch of random things and gift cards. I loved the gift cards but either gave away or took back almost everything else... another thing - no gift receipts. So I guessed at what I could and then went to Good Will.

We've had several baby showers for other co-workers recently and all of the gifts seemed to be clothes, blankets and random little things. (I've already bought tons of clothes.) We've registered for just the basics since we are moving overseas about 6 weeks after the delivery and we really need to get these things (this is baby #1). RIght now we are trying to sell our house, both are graduating, preparing for the baby and moving to Japan, and I will be going on active duty (Navy) right after I deliver - all very stressful.

I've already received a gift I don't know what to do with and I don't know where it's from. I'd hate for these people to go shopping for us and then for me to just give it away. The rude bottom line? I'd love to get just gift cards or things from my registry. I've put several things under $15 on the registry for the people who want to give us a gift on a budget.

Also, we've gotten some gender-neutral things since we picked a gender-neutral name, but we're having a girl so I wish I could exchange some of these things we've already gotten for pink. But I have no idea where to take them.

DH and I really appreciate the gesture and generosity but we have sooo much going on right now that it just seems easier to give these things away. Is there any way to hint politely or do I just smile, nod, and donate?

Honestly, you sound like a greedy, money-grubbing cow.

And you sound like a snotty judgemental b*tch

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