- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Baby Names
"Stealing" names - kind of long
Growing up, we all thought about how our wedding would be, and what we would name our kids. Now that I actually am pregnant, it is coming time to pick names. I work with a girl, and she has become one of my best friends over the past 3 years. We hang out on weekends, I was in her wedding...you get the picture. Although she is not pregnant, she has her names picked out - Lily and Caleb. Supposidly, her husband also likes those names, but they are not even close to talking about getting pregnant, so that could just be talk.
My husband's best friend is now married, and I have become close to his wife as we all hang out a lot. They also are not pregnant, and I don't believe really close to being at that point in their lives yet. She has her girl's name picked out - Nora
Ok, so here is my question - do any of your friends/family have names "claimed"? Do you feel like you can't even entertain their options? I love the name Nora, and had no idea the one friend liked it until I was pregnant, and she said, "my daughter will be Nora." As for the other friend, Lily isn't one I really have thought about, but after telling her some options for boys names (Caleb included), she goes Oh, that is our boy name. This was the first time I had heard her mention in. Now in both cases, it isn't that I heard their choices and am now thinking "yeah, I really like that". They were both names I have thought of. I am not set on the names, but I feel like I can't even keep them on my list. Anyone else coming across this? What are your thoughts? TIA!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Stealing" names - kind of long
This isn't something I've really talked about with friends/family that aren't expecting. I know my sister's girl name was Kaelyn or something like that, but it's really nms so no worries about me "stealing" it. I only know that b/c she spilled her names right away when she was pg with my nephew. I have one friend that told me the name she likes for a girl when she was asking me about my names for this pg.
I guess if they were vocal about staking their claims on particular names I'd feel like I'd have to respect them, pg or not (fortunately, most names that come up are nms, so I just smile and nod).
Since they're just friends and not pregnant yet, I say if you like a name go for it.
I'd try to find other names with your DH just to avoid drama. But if the two of you have your hearts set on a name, use it
Ok, if I am going to be honest - stealing names sucks. And I know you didn't first think of the names because of these people, but if they tell you the are sure about using it, even if they aren't using it for a while, it's pretty lame to 'steal' it. I had a sister who got pregnant, and her husband heard about a name I had been loving for a long time, and he was totally going to use it. Luckily, my sister convinced him not to use it because of the possibility of me wanting to use it. Now that I'm pregnant, I actually probably won't use the name... But I seriously would have been pissed if they had 'stolen' it. Bottom line - there are gazillions of names out there, and if it keeps you from pissing of your loved ones, find your own.
Wow, I don't mean to sound harsh, but I know how I would feel if someone 'stole' a name idea from me, no matter the circumstances. If you are dead set on one of their names, you could always talk to them about it and see if they are willing to let you use it since you are actually having a baby.
This may not be what you want to hear, but I say those names are claimed. Sorry! But think of how you would feel if the situation was reversed? This is what happened to me- lots of my friends got pg way before us, and used names we had talked about. It kinda hurt my feelings, because they came up with that name becuase I mentioned it.
But if you are really stuck on something, you could ask your friend if she minds. But if she says yes, well, crap.
GL!
I have to add...
If I had someone close specifically mention a name they like to me while I am pg, I would take that as their way of "claiming" the name. Just a polite way of them asking you not to use it.
Did you say, "I like the name Nora" and she said, "My daughter will be Nora" or were you just generally talking about names and she said "My daughter will be Nora" and then you decided you liked it? If it's the latter, I would take it off the list just to avoid the drama.
As far as Caleb is concerned, I don't think per se that you would be stealing it. You did not know she planned to use the name. You brought the name up. She said she plans to use it. Big F'in deal. There are lots of little boys named Caleb and that is not name stealing.
I think it's ridiculous to "claim" a name among friends. If someone is that concerned about it, they shouldn't share it. The odds that someone will "steal" it are pretty low anyway.
Even if your best friend has a child and names him/her the name, I don't think it's a huge deal. Names are rarely unique and kids usually think it's cool to have a friend with the same name.
I might revise that opinion if the kids would have the same last name though.
I have an interesting story relating to this topic. DH and I had our first date at the Regan Presidential Library (romantic, i know!). At my wedding shower we played a "who knows you best" game and that was one of the answers. My mom said "oh, that would be such a great baby name someday!" Everyone giggled EXCEPT for my cousins new girlfriend. (whom was invited to be polite, I'd only met her once before!).
GF stood up and screamed all psycho like: "NOooooooooo!!!!! Thats MY baby name. You can't have it!!!" Everyone just stared at her (she's almost 30 by the way). It was so akward! Anyways when we 1st started talking baby names by DH brought Regan up, we both thought about it for a minute then he reminded me that psycho GF's mom is in jail for murder (seriously) so maybe we shouldnt rock the boat with these people.
There is no claiming baby names, unless said name claimer is BSC.
First, I too think it's ridiculous that anyone even thinks they can "claim" a name.
And news flash - NONE of these names are unique. You can name your kids the same names. Yes, you really can!
However, that being said, if you never would have thought of the name until your friend mentioned it, then yes, in that situation, I woudl NOT use it. But if you were thinking of using it before they mentioned it? Fair game to me.
Here's my own personal story to add - I've had a list of my favorite names for a long time. I've talked about the names to friends, etc. Finally got PG. GUess what name we used? NONE of the names on my list! We went totally down a different path because of a name my DH found and really liked.
So- if I had "claimed" a name, a friend didn't use it because of that, and then i never used it? Wow- that would suck too!
my point- things change, and while these women are saying "Yeah- my DH loves the names too" - you just don't know what reality will bring. Which again is why I feel claiming names is ridiculous.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oh, that's so funny!! I was born in Simi, but grew up in Chatsworth! ?
i have told my older sister (the one most likely to have kids when i do) and my best friend our girl and boy names we picked, respectfully asking they not use them, and they both didnt really like them so it was fine.
my best friend likes Chase and so did i but i agreed to not use it, respecting the fact that she and her hubby love the name. i would never use a name that someone asked me to not use cause they were planning to use it, just like i would not want them to use the names that dh and i have picked
In my opinion you can't use them. I named my son Jack and 6 months later my husband's cousin named their son that because they liked the name we chose. Up until we named our son that they were naming their son John.?
I think it's horrible when people 'steal' names. I am still bitter that they did that.?
Ahh Simi!
I'm on the fence about this. DH and I had names picked out for a boy and a girl before we even were PG. (The girl name was actually picked out before we got married!) I think it would have hurt my feelings if someone used the entire (first and middle) name for the girl name, but if it was just the first name, that would have been fine because it's a really popular name. The boy name (first name) we picked is not as common, so I would feel a bit upset if one of our siblings, cousins, or friends used it.
Saying that someone "stole" a name is the most 7th grade thing I have ever heard. It's ridiculous, and anyone who thinks that someone who is actually pregnant needs to back off the names of friends who think they might someday decide to procreate gets a serious "are you f$^@#&( kidding me?"
Caleb and Nora are lovely, but they aren't earth-stoppingly unique. They are found in every baby book. Caleb is #36 in the country, for crying out loud, higher than Jack and Zachary. Using it isn't stealing it.
Jack and John are really common names..you do understand that don't you? ?
And Jack is a nn for John, so really, she was already going that direction to begin with.
that's exactly what I was thinking.?
I seriously cannot imagine anyone I know being a freak of this scope.
My aunts, who are sisters, both named their first sons John. No one lost an eye, no crosses were burned, everyone still talks to each other at Christmas dinner.
My cousin (one of the Johns) named his son William, after our grandfather. My best friend named her son William, after her grandfather. If we have another boy, better than average shot he will be a William. I absolutely guarantee you that no one will send me a letter bomb because of it.
Growing up, we all thought about how our wedding would be, and what we would name our kids.
Well, right from the start... the original poster is wrong on that point. Most people I know do not spend countless hours daydreaming about things like this.... other than maybe a passing thought or two. Don't generalize.
Secondly, unless it is someone who is super-close to you, you can pick any name you please. And it's ridiculous to think that you can put DIBS on some name that's already super-popular. Especially if you're not even pregnant. How pretentious and immature of you! Get over yourself.
Another poster said said this and it literally made me laugh out loud. She had her names all picked and got upset when someone in the family used it.. but then when she did get pregnant she didn't want to use the name anyway. This is why the whole "Those are my names" thing is a bunch of crap.
I do have friends who live in another state who named theirl little girl Amelia. It's one we've put on our shortlist.. because it is a family name. If we do choose to use it, as a courtesy, I will probably tell this other couple. But the chances of our two children ever spending any real time together is very remote.
The "stealing" names thing is so silly. These posts about..."Well, I was GOING to use a name and IF the person had done that I would have been SO mad! But then I didn't even use that name!" You sound like a nutter.?
?
Not only that...your lives are long people. What if you...end up not being friends with that person for some completely unrelated reason other than the stupid name...wouldn't you be sorry then you didn't name YOUR child your favorite name b/c your "bff" had it? ?OR what is even more likely you could...move away..and it's not like your two kids would moving through life with same name anyway. ??
To get wound up in this sort of issue is to waste your life on nonsense, and you might want to rethink whether or not you are truly ready to be responsible for the miracle of life. ?
?
The only person I care about "claims" with is my sister.
I don't discuss baby names with people for this reason. Or I simply share those that I like but honestly, unlikely will actually name my child.
We had a huge family issue about baby names years back (cousin always said she'd name her baby girl Taylor Renee, her brother's wife had a little girl and named her Taylor Renee) so it was a valuable lesson I learned- do not trust people with your names.
There are a lot of names out there. If your friends have said they like those names, and you LOVE them, then use them. No one has "ownership" of names but if you know a friend has a significant reason for wanting the name Nora or Lily, then I would find something else.
IMO, the only time a person can claim a name is when they are pregnant at the same time as you and/or the name they are planning to use is super unique or a family name (as in naming their child after their grandmother, father, etc). Other than that, names are fair game. Now, if they share their name with you THEN you say "oh I never thought of that name, I like it" then you are stealing the name but that is a different can of worms. I think everyone should keep this question in mind:
"why does THEIR love of a baby name trump YOUR love of the baby name?"
First come, first serve!