Live in in-laws.

vshadd00 · April 2009

Anyone have experience with this??

My DH offered to let BIL and SIL and their two kids, ages 15 and 2 live with us until they find a new house. They have two weeks until the new owners are signing papers and they still don't have a house. I don't have a problem with it, I think, but should we be able to ask certain things of them? Like for example"keep your stuff picked up out of the main living areas of the house and your bathroom clean."or is that crossing the line since we offered?

opinion, advice, thoughts, anything would be great.

Mrs.Andreazza · April 2009

Wow, that's brave.....I would definitely lay out a few "ground" rules to make sure you guys all can keep the peace.

candy_mandy85 · April 2009

that's tough but it is your house and they should have to follow your rules, you are the one's doing them the favor and I would expect them to look after things.?

mellora · April 2009

Do the already have another house lined up and are just waiting until closing? I don't think I would do it unless there was a definite time-table for when they were moving back out. You don't want to end up having to kick them out and causing a family fight.

shell1016 · April 2009

"keep your stuff picked up out of the main living areas of the house and your bathroom clean."

This is perfectly acceptable to say to someone living in your home. I'd say it before they move in. I think the best time would be when they thank you for letting them stay. Just say "no problem, as long as you (insert your quote) It's no bother to me" I would expect to be told something like this if someone offered their home to me and my family.

justinlovesme · April 2009

I would absolutely lay down some rules. From the very beginning, and in a nice way. Say that you want this experience to go well and end well, and to help this out a bit, you would appreciate some rules being followed.

mystic_J · April 2009

The title of your post made me shudder to the very core of my soul.

For me? NO- never. Yes my SIL are friends, but the guy she married is like Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon's Vacation.

::shudders again::

Mrs. BZ · April 2009

Yes, I would think it's ok to law out the ground rules. They should be courteous enough not to take it the wrong way. After all, they are living with you.

jshay778 · April 2009

I am just going to say good luck.

hjk5000 · April 2009

Hell no that's not asking too much! You are being super generous, I think setting a few ground rules like that at the get go is perfectly reasonable, and will probably make you all a lot happier in the long run.

vshadd00 · April 2009

mellora:
Do the already have another house lined up and are just waiting until closing? I don't think I would do it unless there was a definite time-table for when they were moving back out. You don't want to end up having to kick them out and causing a family fight.

This is my biggest fear!! They don't have another house lined up and they have looked at a lot of them. Plus I feel that they have unreal expectations on what they want for the price they want so it could be awhile and we don't need drama.

Fear number #2 is our bedroom is directly above where they would stay, and we are TTC. Get the picture??

ToshaGirl · April 2009

Quick question, when you say "DH offered to let BIL and SIL..."

Did he consult with you first?

And, absolutely. An adult, sit down conversation about harmoniously living together (even for this short time) wil make things all the better.

ilovetolaugh · April 2009

shell1016:
"keep your stuff picked up out of the main living areas of the house and your bathroom clean."
This is perfectly acceptable to say to someone living in your home. I'd say it before they move in. I think the best time would be when they thank you for letting them stay. Just say "no problem, as long as you (insert your quote) It's no bother to me" I would expect to be told something like this if someone offered their home to me and my family.

Yes

Have you thought about Bills? food? cleaning? and that kind of stuff? Might be things to talk about all together and set some boundaries on before they start moving their stuff in...

btw, i think you're awesome for even considering it, a lot of people wouldn't!

AlishaMay · April 2009

I don't personally have experience with this, but a good friend of mine was in a similar situation. She thought that certain things were just obvious and didn't need to be mentioned, like picking up after one's self, contributing to groceries, etc. As it turns out, they weren't obvious to her house guests. By the time she did confront them, the behaviors had been going on for a while, and they weren't sure why it was suddenly a problem - resulting in hurt feelings and tension.

My advice would be to sit down and let them know that you don't mean to be condescending, or to treat them like children, but that you'd be more comfortable establishing some ground rules ahead of time. Just explain that the best way to make living together a success is to clearly explain what your expectations and invite them to do the same with you.

mellora · April 2009

vshadd00:
mellora:
Do the already have another house lined up and are just waiting until closing? I don't think I would do it unless there was a definite time-table for when they were moving back out. You don't want to end up having to kick them out and causing a family fight.

This is my biggest fear!! They don't have another house lined up and they have looked at a lot of them. Plus I feel that they have unreal expectations on what they want for the price they want so it could be awhile and we don't need drama.

Fear number #2 is our bedroom is directly above where they would stay, and we are TTC. Get the picture??

Yeah I wouldn't do it. Sounds like set-up for FAIL.

vshadd00 · April 2009

Yes he did. We had talked about the possiablity a few weeks ago and decided that since we were the only ones that had the room, we should offer. He offered yesturday and called me to let me know he had offered.

mellora · April 2009

vshadd00:
Yes he did. We had talked about the possiablity a few weeks ago and decided that since we were the only ones that had the room, we should offer. He offered yesturday and called me to let me know he had offered.

Argh -- sounds like you may be stuck then. Perhaps you could give them a set date or something along with the other rules.

shell1016 · April 2009

vshadd00:
Yes he did. We had talked about the possiablity a few weeks ago and decided that since we were the only ones that had the room, we should offer. He offered yesturday and called me to let me know he had offered.

You guys are so sweet. It would be so hard for me to do this for an IL. I know if my sisters asked I wouldn't think twice about it. (we are all responsible) I wish you lots of luck

050507BRIDE · April 2009

mellora:
Do the already have another house lined up and are just waiting until closing? I don't think I would do it unless there was a definite time-table for when they were moving back out. You don't want to end up having to kick them out and causing a family fight.

This. Good Luck!

ToshaGirl · April 2009

vshadd00:
Yes he did. We had talked about the possiablity a few weeks ago and decided that since we were the only ones that had the room, we should offer. He offered yesturday and called me to let me know he had offered.

Whew

Like I said, an initial sit down discussion will probably do wonders.

To get it going, you could maybe open the conversation with something like......

"Since we are all going to be here together, let's talk about our daily schedules" or similiar.

GL!

vshadd00 · April 2009

ilovetolaugh:
shell1016:

"keep your stuff picked up out of the main living areas of the house and your bathroom clean."

This is perfectly acceptable to say to someone living in your home. I'd say it before they move in. I think the best time would be when they thank you for letting them stay. Just say "no problem, as long as you (insert your quote) It's no bother to me" I would expect to be told something like this if someone offered their home to me and my family.

Have you thought about Bills? food? cleaning? and that kind of stuff? Might be things to talk about all together and set some boundaries on before they start moving their stuff in...

btw, i think you're awesome for even considering it, a lot of people wouldn't!

DH and I have talked about all of this and we haven't decide how to handle this just yet. (the reason I posted this) It is just a lot to take in.

ilovetolaugh · April 2009

vshadd00:
ilovetolaugh:
shell1016:

"keep your stuff picked up out of the main living areas of the house and your bathroom clean."

This is perfectly acceptable to say to someone living in your home. I'd say it before they move in. I think the best time would be when they thank you for letting them stay. Just say "no problem, as long as you (insert your quote) It's no bother to me" I would expect to be told something like this if someone offered their home to me and my family.

Have you thought about Bills? food? cleaning? and that kind of stuff? Might be things to talk about all together and set some boundaries on before they start moving their stuff in...

btw, i think you're awesome for even considering it, a lot of people wouldn't!

DH and I have talked about all of this and we haven't decide how to handle this just yet. (the reason I posted this) It is just a lot to take in.

it sure is! I think that you guys come up with some ideas and then ask BIL and SIL what they were thinking too and maybe make it somewhat of a discussion....? maybe? idk! GL though!

Mrs.BoomBoom · April 2009

Ground rules are imperative...as is a timeline for exit.

4realyo · April 2009

god bless you. with them having kids, i would say its going to be very tough to keep things clean & picked up. Also with the 2 year old - wouldnt you have to 'kid proof' your house with those outlet plugs & cabinet door latch things? that would be a huge pita imo. I would make sure there is a set timeline on when they're moving out. I would say if its longer than a month, they better start pitching in on utilities, etc (at the very least, i would expect rent). I would definately sit down as adults and have a discussion first of what you expect. Probably want to discuss food/meals too as they can become touchy when living with others.

ukantuchdis · April 2009

No one said this would be short-term. ?Especially if they're waiting for housing prices to fall dramatically, like you seem to say.

Only offer for them to stay for a finite period of time. ?They can live with you for one month, until they find a place. ?Why can't they rent?

If you don't, they will never move out.?

k-mart · April 2009

Set rulea now - if you get too far into it, everyone get's comfortable and things can be taken the wrong way. For your peace of mind, have a little "family meeting", make sure you tell them what you expect from each of them, and let them tell you how they feel about it and other issues they may be thinking of. You'll have much less problems if you so that. GL!!

Married2MrWright · April 2009

My mother moved in with us in January. She relocated here from out of state and we said we'd assist her with that transition. We layed some ground rules and mainly established open lines of communication. It only works because all three of us (DH, me and my mom) are willing to be open and talk about any issues.

So far so good. I think the one sticky area for us is just how long this will be the arrangement. Now that we're TTC I have let her know that we plan to stay here (we're renting a 3bd/1ba) because it's perfect for us and a baby and our goals, but that means she'll need to find her own place eventually. I think for a while she was thinking she could just stay indefinitely or that we'd all move to bigger place. So that was tough, but I am glad that put it out there.

KK2004 · April 2009

I don't have experience with this but I think you're right in laying down some ground rules. Afterall it is your house and they have to respect your house and not trash it. You and DH are very generous. I hope it works out for you.

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