Need advice from strong women! :/

Ash.B. · April 2009

Hi girls,

Pls let me know if i've posted in the wrong section

But I need advice on how to stay happy & sane while TTC - when everyone around you is popping out a baby without a thought.

We have 2 friends (one just gave birth yesterday & I'm so happy for her) and another one is due in a few months.

I have a closer friend 1hr flight away who's due later this yr and she's like a sister to me so I hate feeling this way when I think of her or any of our other friends.

And the small company I just left - a baby bomb went off in there! - With at least 3 getting recently pregnant all in the same month! And a friend of a friend just gave birth a few months ago.

How do you do it? How do you stay strong, put on a smile and visit all these new mommies who weren't even planning or don't feel themselves to be ready for one. I guess I'm having one of those days that you all know too well about where you think you'll never have a lil one of your own and if this means you're not a real woman.

My partner (godblesshim) is there for me, supportive, still loves me and worships the ground i walk on but I don't see myself in the same light and i don't want to burden him with all of my worries.

What do or have you guys done to get a 'pick me up'?

TIA!

xox

Ash

Mrs White · April 2009

Booze.. and avoidance.

I had to stop going to see these babies.. or make the visits short and sweet. Booze, tears and a understanding husband.

pmarie33 · April 2009

Lots of liquor, GoG, cookies and bacon.

We try not to think or post about TTC 24/7.

Lelly · April 2009

Ditto all the above. I have had my days where it really wears on me. For the most part I try not to focus too much on what is missing in my life instead I look at what I do have around me.

Chrysallys · April 2009

I had to remove myself from being around babies and pregnant people. Luckily my dear friend who was pregnant at the time understood and was so awesome in supporting me in my struggles. Of course that also made me feel bad because I couldn't be there for her.

mb~zf · April 2009

I don't xox strangers.

yogisunam · April 2009

Booze, vampires, and surrounding myself with good people. Don't ever get caught up in how you "should" feel. All emotions that come up are valid and reasonable. Even the ugly ones. And don't be afraid to seek help from a counselor.

And maintain your sense of humor always.

Nikki1007 · April 2009

I am not strong. 90% of the time I am a bitter, bawling mess and the other 10% I am drunk.

poontater · April 2009

I put a distance between me and that person. I have had a few friends get knocked up (most recently last week) and i just put up a wall to protect my self. I come first - I need to take care of my self and protect my sanity. If they cannot understand where I am coming from (which they probably wont) there is not much I can do about it. I have been on the journey going on 3 years... that is the only way I have been able to keep semi-sane.

easjer05 · April 2009

I step back when I can't take it. I'm the last in two separate groups of friends who are ttc not to be pregnant. I was the first to miscarry in the fall and the only one not pregnant again. So I am beyond thrilled and happy and pleased for my friends when they are pregnant and doing well, because I know what they've been through to get there - but I can't be that way all the time. Sometimes the sad is the overwhelming emotion. I can't stop the anger or bitterness when they come up. So I just acknowledge that I feel that way and do my best to control my reactions to those negative emotions.

I've talked with my friends and they know that there may be times I pull away for a bit. I try to focus on the good things in my life and count the myriad of ways I am blessed. I try to remember that bottling up emotions takes a worse toll than simply experiencing them and letting them go.

I do my hobbies and try not to be too obsessed.

Dr.Loretta · April 2009

I just remember that it's not their fault I can't get pregnant. It doesn't really bother me, unless the pg woman is a douche.

Mainer-in-Texas · April 2009

Some days are better than others. We are still at the point were I can tell myself "hey, if this doesn't work, there's always the next step" (ie a different fertility drug and/or IVF), and that helps. Coming on this board and TTTC and talking to those who are going through the same thing also really helps.

On the bad days, I found going for a run outside helps, as does just getting out of the house and doing something fun with my hubby. If I'm feeling sad at work, I try to distract myself with work. And sometimes I use retail therapy. And staying away from PG people/babies is a necessity.

The good days are the ones where I take the time to call or email my PG friends to see how they are doing.

staycee · April 2009

Hmmm... I've been lucky that no real life friends have gotten KU or have babies. That's a plus of being older - most of my friends have teenagers already.

I did have CW's get pg around me, but luckily I was not close to them at all.

but it did get hard to see new babies and pregnant bellies out in the world. I had a major breakdown last summer in church, when a family with 4 under what looked like age 6 (one was a newborn), sat right in front of us. I lost it and bawled most the way through the service - as quietly as I could.

I dealt with it by leaning on my good friends here for support and understanding when needed.

Ash.B. · April 2009

thanks to all that replied - it helped me to realise to feel what I feel and not try to be someone I'm not.

And it reminds me that even though it feels like it, I'm not bad in feeling like that and I'm not "the only one". thanks

Serendipitie · April 2009

Nikki1007:
I am not strong. 90% of the time I am a bitter, bawling mess and the other 10% I am drunk.

This

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