Tiny bit of vent

mrsian486 · April 2009

I just realized a few days ago I only have one female friend.... one... and she's not really the shower type. (Actually, technically she's my friend's girlfriend :-/ ). I get the overwhelming feeling that I'm not getting a shower. My mom lives a block away from me and the nearest friend or relative to us is nearly an hour away, the rest are well over an hour away. My husband seems to think that his mom will throw me a shower... I find that to be a notion of dubious joy, considering the woman hated me right up until the moment we announced the pregnancy. Am I staring a gift horse in the mouth, or would this bother you too? I believe my mother in law would probably invite my mom's family, seeing as my mom would be unable to throw a shower (several reasons including distance), but I'm really hoping she would know well enough to NOT invite my stepmom (drama would ensue). Let's just say my family situation is one giant mess of drama and IF I get a shower it will be very small and most likely rather under populated.

Ugh... I'm being totally selfish...

At1stsight · April 2009

Couple of thoughts:

1) It's still early. I wasn't offered a shower until almost 20 weeks.

2) You get to create the guest list usually. MILs might try to add people to it (like their friends if they want to show off their new 'grandma' status) but you typically will provide the list of people you'd want to invite and you could specify to NOT invite your stepmom if you really don't want to. (This might cause way more problems than inviting her though...)

3) Co-workers frequently throw small showers or mini-celebrations.

4) I'm confused as to why your mom is unable to throw you a shower when she lives a block away? Other family is less than an hour away and wouldn't want to come?

In the end, have a little pity party for yourself if you want; then remind yourself that no one is entitled to a shower and if MIL offers one you should graciously accept. Hopefully it'll be the start of a better relationship between you two!

surprisebaby4us2009 · April 2009

Hopefully your MIL will throw you one...

Delila80 · April 2009

At1stsight:

Couple of thoughts:

1) It's still early. I wasn't offered a shower until almost 20 weeks.

2) You get to create the guest list usually. MILs might try to add people to it (like their friends if they want to show off their new 'grandma' status) but you typically will provide the list of people you'd want to invite and you could specify to NOT invite your stepmom if you really don't want to. (This might cause way more problems than inviting her though...)

3) Co-workers frequently throw small showers or mini-celebrations.

4) I'm confused as to why your mom is unable to throw you a shower when she lives a block away? Other family is less than an hour away and wouldn't want to come?

In the end, have a little pity party for yourself if you want; then remind yourself that no one is entitled to a shower and if MIL offers one you should graciously accept. Hopefully it'll be the start of a better relationship between you two!

Ditto

You could see if your friends girl friend would want to go in with your Mom. My Mom and my brother's girlfried are throwing me one. You'd be suprised how a baby changes people....your MIL might just pull through for you.

mrsian486 · April 2009

At1stsight:
Couple of thoughts:
1) It's still early. I wasn't offered a shower until almost 20 weeks.
2) You get to create the guest list usually. MILs might try to add people to it (like their friends if they want to show off their new 'grandma' status) but you typically will provide the list of people you'd want to invite and you could specify to NOT invite your stepmom if you really don't want to. (This might cause way more problems than inviting her though...)
3) Co-workers frequently throw small showers or mini-celebrations.
4) I'm confused as to why your mom is unable to throw you a shower when she lives a block away? Other family is less than an hour away and wouldn't want to come?
In the end, have a little pity party for yourself if you want; then remind yourself that no one is entitled to a shower and if MIL offers one you should graciously accept. Hopefully it'll be the start of a better relationship between you two!

My mom and I and one aunt live within an hour of each other... everyone else lives well over an hour away (some more than two hours). She also works weekends and only has Tues-Fri off which would make it just about impossible for her to throw a shower that anyone would be able to attend, and no, she doesn't have the type of job where she can just take a day off. We both live in extremely small places where it's difficult to even have company. It's my stepmom's entire family that wouldn't be invited due to the fact that they've gone so far as to be extremely vicious to my mother's family and my husband. I think not inviting her would probably solve most of my family problems for a little while. Coworkers are out since I'm a housewife. I think the pity party comment was a bit much... this is probably why I don't associate with a whole lot of women. Thank you for proving my point.

weddedwife · April 2009

Yeah, it's true that no one is entitled to a shower, but it's still kind of hard when you see everyone else around you getting thrown one when you're not getting one.

I feel for you. Hope someone steps up.

If nothing else, I say- register anyway!! If nothing else, you'll get the discount on stuff after baby is born

At1stsight · April 2009

mrsian486:

My mom and I and one aunt live within an hour of each other... everyone else lives well over an hour away (some more than two hours). She also works weekends and only has Tues-Fri off which would make it just about impossible for her to throw a shower that anyone would be able to attend, and no, she doesn't have the type of job where she can just take a day off. We both live in extremely small places where it's difficult to even have company. It's my stepmom's entire family that wouldn't be invited due to the fact that they've gone so far as to be extremely vicious to my mother's family and my husband. I think not inviting her would probably solve most of my family problems for a little while. Coworkers are out since I'm a housewife. I think the pity party comment was a bit much... this is probably why I don't associate with a whole lot of women. Thank you for proving my point.

Wow - first, we didn't know more information about the situation. Sorry that it won't work out with your mom and like I said earlier, it should be totally up to you on whether your stepmom gets invited or not. Absolutely don't put her on the guest list given her past with your family.

My 'pity party' comment was not meant to be mean; you can ask just about anybody on this board - I never try to snap at people or make them feel bad. (I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with pg women having little pity parties for themselves from time to time.) As far as getting really offended and saying I'm 'proving your point' about women and why they're not worth being friends with, why would you post a question on an internet board about feeling sad about not getting a shower and then get upset when someone says it's ok to have a quick pity party for yourself? If anything, all I did was validate that it was ok for you to whine a bit to yourself.

At1stsight · April 2009

mrsian486:
Ugh... I'm being totally selfish...

Not to mention that you said this about yourself... none of us even flamed you like you did with yourself.

mrsian486 · April 2009

At1stsight:
mrsian486:

My mom and I and one aunt live within an hour of each other... everyone else lives well over an hour away (some more than two hours). She also works weekends and only has Tues-Fri off which would make it just about impossible for her to throw a shower that anyone would be able to attend, and no, she doesn't have the type of job where she can just take a day off. We both live in extremely small places where it's difficult to even have company. It's my stepmom's entire family that wouldn't be invited due to the fact that they've gone so far as to be extremely vicious to my mother's family and my husband. I think not inviting her would probably solve most of my family problems for a little while. Coworkers are out since I'm a housewife. I think the pity party comment was a bit much... this is probably why I don't associate with a whole lot of women. Thank you for proving my point.
Wow - first, we didn't know more information about the situation. Sorry that it won't work out with your mom and like I said earlier, it should be totally up to you on whether your stepmom gets invited or not. Absolutely don't put her on the guest list given her past with your family.
My 'pity party' comment was not meant to be mean; you can ask just about anybody on this board - I never try to snap at people or make them feel bad. (I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with pg women having little pity parties for themselves from time to time.) As far as getting really offended and saying I'm 'proving your point' about women and why they're not worth being friends with, why would you post a question on an internet board about feeling sad about not getting a shower and then get upset when someone says it's ok to have a quick pity party for yourself? If anything, all I did was validate that it was ok for you to whine a bit to yourself.

*chokes down humble pie* Yeah... sorry about that. I had a rough day and some major drama with my step family. Guess my attitude got a away with me a bit :-/

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