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cocojack10
member
Connected to baby while pg?
cocojack10
member
This may come as a strange question, with what was to me an obvious answer. However, this week, I may been proven wrong? I wanted some insight from the experts. 
While pregnant, were you connected to the baby? The ladies at work say they didn't feel for the baby while pregnant, but I seem to think otherwise. For the split second I was pg, I loved that little peanut more than life itself... I can only imagine how I will feel when I actually feel the baby moving in there! They said they didn't feel love for the baby until after it was born. And the same comment came from 4 diff moms. One stayed quiet, so I'm thinking she thinks differently but didn't express herself.
So, do I work w/ heartless bitches? LOL
-- Jackie
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
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Re: Connected to baby while pg?
LOL. I don't know if you work with heartless bitches because to each their own BUT I loved Sophia from the moment I knew she was in there, before she started moving. Once I felt her move I felt each kick like a conversation only she and I could have. My mom and I actually had a conversation about this and she agreed with me when I said, at the time, that it was amazing how much love I could have for this tiny being who I had never held in my arms or laid eyes upon. I would have done anything to keep her safe even then.
I hope that answers your question.
Well, I will say that maybe I could've been considered a "heartless ***" before. Here's the thing, when I got pregnant it was SO surreal to me for the longest time. I didn't wanna give myself the opportunity to get attached to the baby (because of SO many things that have happened--not to me personally, but to some very close family and family friends). For example, a very close family friend was pregnant and lost her baby at 5months, which was horrible. Then a family member lost the baby while giving birth, which was also devastating. So I've always been SO scared of losing it or something hurtful like that happening to me that I didn't wanna get attached. Still I say things to kind of shield my feelings about it but to be 100% honest I'm super attached and in love with him and I don't even know him!
So maybe the ladies at your work are/were just scared. Not that I'm not scared anymore because I am, but I can't say that I don't love him. Not sure if that made sense, but there's no other way for my to explain it.
Honestly, before yesterday I didn't really feel connected or feel a strong love towards the baby. So for the first 21 days that I knew I was pregnant, my answer would be no, I didn't feel connected. I knew that I was pregnant, which obviously means I knew there was an embryo in there, but it felt very abstract. I wasn't fully expecting this pregnancy to happen, so I think part of it was shock. I was also extremely worried for whatever reason of having an early miscarriage. So I really didn't let myself get too excited about the whole thing or really think too much about the fact that there was something in there.
Then yesterday at the sonogram that all changed. Seeing the little blob that just looked like a blob but that I know is my baby made it all real. And seeing that little heartbeat just caused this rush of love that was overwhelming. Now I definitely feel connected, and I love that little blueberry-sized blob more than anything. I'm still several weeks from feeling any movement, and I can imagine that feeling that will only make me love the baby more.
I don't know...I just think everyone is different. Some people aren't as emotional or spiritual or I don't know what the right word is. But I think some people don't focus on things in that way until they can see the baby with their own eyes and hold them in their arms.
My experience was very similar to Mrs.ClariC. Almost all my closest friends had multiple miscarriages before having their first baby, so I was afraid to let myself get used to the idea of being pregnant and I was also afraid to be excited. Some people can't wait to tell everyone they know that they are pregnant....I was the exact opposite. I felt like once I told people, it would somehow go away.
It wasn't until I felt the baby moving and found out it was a boy that I began to feel bonded to him. Once we chose his name and I began picking out boy stuff and he formed an identity in my mind, then I was able to really get excited and couldn't wait until he was born and I could hold him.
After he was born, I loved him, but it took a long time to really feel the insane love for him that I feel now. In the beginning he didn't give me much to work with, but once he started to recognize ME and know that he wanted ME to hold him and comfort him, then I really felt the bond I always heard people describe.
The ladies you work with are not heartless b*tches, that is just how it happened for them. Love and bonding are not something you can force. It's not anyone's fault if it happens for them at a different point than it happened for someone else.
{{HUGS}} You will have a baby of your own someday soon, hang in there. Best wishes to you!
You know I have a kind of 2 part answer to the question.
Yes, I felt a definite attachment to Alexis when I was pregnant. Not at first, I would say it started after I knew that she was a girl because at that point i could start to imagine a real person - a little girl. I started making plans for "her". I loved feeling her move and kick and like Mel and Kris, I would talk to her and I knew her patterns - when she was awake, asleep, what foods made her more active.
But I did not have that overwhelming feeling of attachment when she was first born. I definitely loved her and wanted to take care of her, but I can also say that it took a couple weeks to really have that connection that you see in movies like OMG that is my daughter.
Maybe they did not express themselves correctly. I have to say that I totally felt connected to my babies from the moment I saw "pregnant" on the stick. Now, did I feel love, I don't know because love is something that grows and I have to say that once the baby is born that loves gets instantly huge and whatever you felt before seems so little at that time. It becomes your first love,?unconditional?love and day by day increases 100 times.?
Its hard to explain (I probably sound like a crazy person...lol).
While we are pregnant we love them and care for them...( god, every single test, bleeding, cramp or pain makes you worry and scare for them) but once they are born.........its almost impossible to express how much we love them. So much it hurts, but in a good way....
?
I was definitely attached to my baby before he was born. Once we found out it was a boy, my attachment grew for sure because I could start to picture him wearing his little outfits and playing with the toys and stuffed animals I bought for him. I absolutely knew I loved him before he was born, and as my pregnancy went on, the love got stronger.
But like Andrea and Leanna, after he was born, while I absolutely did love him, it took a while for that amazing bond to form, to really get to know the little person that he is and to fall in love with that. I loved him because he was *mine* but it definitely took a couple of weeks - maybe not even until he was 6 weeks, even, to begin to feel the kind of love I have now.... where just *thinking* about how much I love him brings tears to my eyes. And even more incredible to me... my love for him actually grows every day, just when I thought my heart couldn't get any bigger! It is the most amazing experience of my life!
My Blog: SIREN.ORG!
Everyone is different, so I wouldn't consider them heartless b!tches! LOL! ;-) And you know what- lots of people aren't honest because they are scared about what other people will think about them. So, I think it's nice the told you what they were really feeling...
This is how it went for me...,
From the moment I got my bfp, I was skeptical. I didn't "feel" different, so it was hard for me to imagine there was something going on inside my body. Then I started to get sick and all that fun stuff and I wondered what I had done? I felt weird, to be honest with you. I felt a HUGE need to protect her and take care of the little person growing inside me from day one, but was it love at that point, I don't think so...
As my pregnancy progressed and I found out it was a girl, and got to see her in ultrasounds, and felt her move inside me- I did feel connected to her. I would talk to her, sing to her and get excited when I put my hand on my belly and she would kick me right where I was touching her- even if she was still just a second before! I already "knew" her better then anyone else and I loved the little person growing inside me. I laid in bed every night and thought about what she would look like and what life would finally be like when she arrived...
And then she did... LOL!
The minute she came out of me that they put her on my chest I felt a rush of emotion. I loved her, because there was that little person I had been feeling and chatting with for so long, BUT, she was a stranger. LOL! She didn't look like the baby I had been picturing (Baby in my mind, looked like me, this one looked like hubby!)
Then we took her home and I honestly wondered what I had gotten myself into. Did I love her? YES. Was I totally, over the top, head over heels in love with her? Nope. ;-/ The insane love does take time. I had to get to know her "out of my belly." As the days (and weeks) past, I got to know the REAL Nadia, not the one I created a picture of in my mind. Every day I got to know her, I loved her more and more and more. And now, I can't imagine it's possible to love her more, but every morning when I see her smiley face, I actually do!
Anyhow- not many people admit to not being absolutely instantly in love with their baby from birth, but I think it does happen like that for a lot of us... So to answer your question. YES- I feel like I was connected to my baby since conception, but that connection has really changed and evolved with time. ;-)
Mari
At first, it was kind of a shock to me because I didn't think that we were going to get pregnant so soon.
Even after my first sonogram @ 8 weeks, I was still in shock..and nervous about having a miscarriage or something else being wrong with my little peanut.
We didn't even start to tell people til after my 1st trimester.
But then, it's like something came over me. I cannot believe that I love someone so much without even meeting him/her. It's just amazing. Everytime I feel my baby kick, move anything I get all mushy inside.
I can't wait to meet him/her. I say him/her because we aren't going to find out the sex. So that's another thing too...I don't know what sex my name is..and honestly it doesn't matter. Just as soon as it's healthy.
Everyone is different...and have different ways of expressing themselves. I on the other hand..am an emotional sucker..lol..
i loved her and felt connected to her every second of the way. at times it didnt feel "real"...like sometimes you dont feel pg until you feel the first kick. then i went thru my pg scare and i was determined to have this baby against all odds!
i felt even more connected to her when i found it was a girl and i could finally name her. ill admit the first few days when she was born i loved her cut i couldnt bond much with her b/c i couldnt do anything for her (i had a c/s), i loved her like you have no idea but it wasnt until i could finally do things with her that i felt that connection with her again.
i dont know what i would do today without my little mouse
Thank you ladies for giving me your opinions and expriences... I suppose I had this whole illusion of how pg / motherhood would be. I know everyone expriences things differently; however, what struck me about my coworkers conversation was that all of them had the same exprience! I was just joking about the heartless B btw. LOL And thinking about it further, I think each of the commenting women all had OOPS pg, so I wonder if that plays a role into their feelings?
And I thank Andrea for a very nice explanation.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
when i POAS and saw it read "pregnant" i was in shock!!! like MAJOR shock. i had not been on any contraceptives for 2 years and we never got "pregnant". so i had a feeling for us it would take longer than most ppl. i didn't stress about it b/c i felt that when the timing was right it would happen for us. let me just say...God works in miraculous ways, he knows when the timing is right. so when i actually got the positive result i was in shock so was DH.
about the connection...at first i was VERY scared (and still am) that something might go wrong. i think b/c i feel having a child is such a miracle...and that sooooo many things have to go right. so i kind of hold back on all my emotions. but do i feel connected yes; is it love, i'm not sure yet. i can't explain it. i def would do w/e it takes to make this baby come into the world. i guess that's the maternal instinct in me. i also cannot wait to start feeling the baby. but is it love? not sure. i know that every second of the day i'm so grateful to be able to be pregnant. so i speak to him/her, most definetly.
hopefully i'll be able to better answer this question in Oct/Nov.
Yup, I do. I did as soon as I saw the big POSITIVE on the stick.
I was PETRIFIED of losing him but then again, I still am (you never know) either way, I couldn't imagine (and pray daily that I never have to), experience my life without him and that goes for the next beanie baby