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TTC After a Loss
Cow-girl
member
Advice needed re: SIL (maternity clothes)
Cow-girl
member
Ok so my SIL gave me the maternity clothes I had passed onto her after my last DD, plus the ones she had "compiled" when I was about 4 months pg with Grace... She made a huge stink about how she wanted them back after I had Grace so when her and her DH decided to ttc again that she would have them. I got a 30 minute lecture from her twice about this. She had also given me my bassinett back that I had let her use..
Ok so two days after we lost Grace, she called me wanting to come pick up the clothes. WTH? it totally threw me for a loop. My DH tried to excuse her actions saying she didnt want me to have to "look" at them and wanted to get them "out of my house" for ME. She has since called two other times hinting about the clothes...
My DH says that I should keep whatever clothes I want because there were TONS of them there, enough for 10 people he says.. I did go through and wash everything and packed it back nicely in the containers she gave me. I was going to call and tell her she could pick them up.
My question is Am I wrong for keeping the clothes that I gave her after having my 4 yo DD? My intention was wanting them back but I dont know if she understands that with as funky as she is being about the entire thing. I kept only the clothes that I KNEW I gave her to begin with, plus the stuff that I had bought on my own this time.
I am so upset with her right now. My DH said "she thinks by removing the clothes she is removing your pain". Yah right obviously out of the mouth of someone who has never lost a child! If I were a jerk I would keep all the clothes and tell her to kiss my butt, but I am too darned NICE.
What do you girls think?
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Re: Advice needed re: SIL (maternity clothes)
This!
Yep I'm from St. Louis...
I agree that you should definitely keep ALL of the clothes that you bought. I'd probably give her back her's, but only when you feel ready for it.
Then... let me know where she lives so I can come kick her for you!
This!
There is a way to say things and it doesn't sound like she was very considerate towards your feelings.
I agree. It was so unnecessary and insensitive to approach the subject that way.
I would keep the clothes you originally gave her as well as the bassanet you gave her. And ONLY giver her back what is actually hers.
Personally I think it's tactless of her to start asking for it back 2 days after you l;ost Grace!. Geeze! Eitherway, I know you are planning on TTC again and you will need the clothes back from her shortly anyway!
So you might as well keep what's yours
DD#1 born June '09
DD#2 born April '11
TTC #3 as of July '14
Exactly!
I HATE passive aggressive behavior and always strive (albeit not always successfully) to be direct.
In this case, I would call her and say "I will drop off the clothes on such and such a day. I realize you wanted them back sooner, but quite honestly, I just was not emotionally ready to deal with the details of not being pregnant when you first asked. This was a painful process for me, which is why it took me longer than you wanted." then just be quiet and let her scramble for words. If hse says somehting about trying to be sensitive, i WOULD not reasure her in any way. just say 'ok, well I will be there Monday"
BOOM - make her realize how insensitive she has been vs. just venting to others. Not that we mind the vent, but I do like to push such insenstive beethces in front of the mirror when the opportunity arises.