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Working Moms
Annoying assumptions about working mothers
1. We are not raising our kids. Give me a break, I cant even respond to this
2. We dont have time or make time for our kids. Work, for me at least is certainly not my entire day and I do make time for the kids always when I get home
3. We miss all the firsts( walk, smile, first day of school). Umm..No. As far as the baby milestones, I pretty much got to see it all. Again, work is only a certain number of hours per day. As far as the first day of school thing goes, We do get days off. I always take days off to attend important events
4. We make money so we must be frivilous with hair , nails, cleaning lady, etc. What is a cleaning leady? What is a nail salon???
5. Kids of mother who work will be maladjusted compared to stay at home mom kids. This is just ridiculous and not based on anything. My mom was a stay at home mom and i always wished she were working. I know enough of both kind of moms and it depends on the PARENTING style ,NOT being with them 24/7
I just had to vent because everytime i turn around i see and hear these comments.
Did i leave anything out?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Annoying assumptions about working mothers
How about the assumptions that our kids are to be pitied because they spend all day in some crappy daycare longing for their mothers....
you know, like when someone says "where are your kids when you work?" and you say "daycare" and they get this sad look on their face and say "ohhhh...."
I for one have seen every single one of DD's "firsts", before daycare did, despite working full-time.
I also have not had a haircut since November, don't have a cleaning lady and have never been to a nail salon, so there goes the being?frivolous?with money thing. I live in an apartment and hopefully my income will eventually enable us to buy our first home...no room to be frivolous with money there.
Also, I've had comments from many SAHMs about sociable my daughter is and how well my she interacts with other kids. So much for being maladjusted.
I second your rebuttal to all the rest as well. I also when people say that it's a shame that my DD has colds all the time. Just wait until Kindergarten rolls around...
I really think moms just need to stop the mommy wars...WAH, SAH, WOH, we're all moms. For having one very uniting fact about us we are a very divisive bunch.?
Throwing leaves
this exactly! oh and i love the one about relaxing while at work.......really?!
The one that irks me the most is the assumption that working parents are frivolous with their money. I am not a consumer and those habits do not change whether I choose to work, or choose to stay home.
My mother was a SAHM-she never considered thriftiness a sacrifice.
DH and just took our kids to Santa Barbara for the week end and we spent a SH!!T-LOAD of money to get the presidential suite at our hotel. I won't even say how much.
And, I have been known to occasionally get a great facial and spend some cash on clothing. Frivolous? Yep. Who the fuvck cares? I don't think women need to justify spending they can afford simply because they work.
I feel no need to play the game of needing to defend my choices by saying that working is a financial necessity.
Hey - I work because I like to and because I pay for my family's health insurance and because I am a doctor and I am a cool Mom/Role model and because we can take fabulous vacations and have some FUN with the money we make.
The only cost is money, not my children's well-being. I would like to think that being financially able to spend some cash doing cool stuff will benefit my boys!
Ditto.
Going to the salon once every 10 weeks or getting a mani/pedi every few months does not take away from my relationship with DS. Also, some of best memories from my childhood come from vacations with my parents so I want my children to have that opportunity, which they would not have if I did not work.
I have gotten the "awww, your poor kid in daycare" faces. That's annoying but you learn to ignore. I get the same face when people learn that I travel for work and that I have to leave DS for a full week sometimes.
1. We are not raising our kids. Whatever. It takes a village and I am not a perfect parent. Nice to have some other people involved.
2. We dont have time or make time for our kids. Yep, I am not home all day. Other than that, it is pretty much all kids all the time. So what's the big deal?
3. We miss all the firsts( walk, smile, first day of school). Yep, probably missed a few. But when I got to see them do it for MY first time, it was fantastic. Again, what's the big deal?
4. We make money so we must be frivilous with hair , nails, cleaning lady, etc. I spend within my means. Yep - enjoy some fruits of my labors and so do my kids. Big deal?
5. Kids of mother who work will be maladjusted compared to stay at home mom kids. Really? Man, I guess I had better start searching for a therapist now, huh?
My favorite is that we don't put our families first because of course, if we did, we would all be SAHM.
Uhh, actually, if I stayed at home I would be miserable and depressed and a shell of my former, glorious self. So I do what is best for all of us - I work. And it has many nice perks, like giving us financial security and allowing us to spend money on things we otherwise would not be able to. And, yes, I have a cleaning lady and she rocks.
My nanny goes and gets her hair and nails done and to a tanning salon! Haha -- funny! I can't afford it! But I apparently pay her enough that she can! So umm... maybe if I did NOT have a nanny I could do those things! ?
Pretty much agree with everything here, and as long as we're venting, I hate the assumption that I work because I'm not willing to make sacrifices, or that she's not my priority. We're so far upside down on our house that we couldn't sell it if we tried. I am sacrificing time spent with my baby to make sure we don't lose our house, to make sure she has health care coverage. Why does that not count as making prioritized sacrifices and, moreover, why is that not seen as taking care of my baby?
Also, about daycare. One of her "teachers" was talking to me about how they put her down for naps, how they feed her, basically how they do things. And it's not exactly the same as I do things. But guess what? Their way works just as well. (Maybe even better with the naps, lol.) It's good to know that things don't have to be just exactly the way I do them, and she's adaptable. Go, Lily.
My silly Lily is almost 4.
"Oh, if you stopped (insert any of these here) buying new cars, going on vacation, fixing your landscaping, buying the kids fancy clothes...you could SAH."
Ummm, no thanks. I don't want to *stop* doing any of those things, and I don't criticize you for NOT doing them.
Exactly. To each their own but i personally want more out of life for my family than just staying home all the time. I LOVE that I am able to put my kids in a good school because I work. They love it there and are enjoying all they get to learn. We also enjoy the occaisional splurge.
My BIL is a SAHD. Their oldest daughter is in first grade so he just has a 2 year old at home with him. They have a cleaning lady!! My DH and I do not have a cleaning lady (I would love to, but can't afford it). Once my SIL was saying how she just has to wipe down her kitchen "between the maids."
Every time DH and I are cleaning the house, we tease each other by saying "We just have to clean the toilets...between the maids, we just have to vacuum...between the maids"....wait, we are the maids!
Working moms aren't the only ones with maids- there are SAHMs that have cleaning people, too! All I can say is, it must be nice!
My sister is also a SAHM and they are pretty frivolous with their money! I was telling her that I wanted to buy the 30 Day Shred DVD off amazon, but it wasn't enough to qualify for free shipping. She said I should have called her an hour before because she had bought $100 worth of books (mostly for herself) and I could have put mine on her order. Then, she called me back 20 minutes later and said she ordered my DVD, she also ordered herself one because she liked the reviews and found 2 other books to buy to get to the free shipping amount. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out where to come with the $9 for the DVD!!
As for milestones, I really thought that would bother me. It was one of my biggest fears about working. So far the only real milestone I missed was my DS saying the word "hi" (well, for a five month old). His teachers said they would say hi to him and he would repeat it back all day long. I wasn't sad at all! I loved hearing that and I am so glad they told me! I just swelled with pride!
I am only 10 weeks pregnant but every time that I am with a sister or parent which is at least once a week, we get into arguments. They keep doing the - nobody else can raise your kids, you shouldn't be having a baby if you're not going to love it enough to raise it yourself and stay home with it. Finally last weekend my sister offered to "raise my baby like her own" for $200 a week. I love the way she raises her kids and mine would really be taken care of so I am considering it. We both don't want my kid having to go to my SIL or MIL and be corrupted. Luckily I don't get that at work - I'm a teacher and most teachers have kids.
I'm still PG but plan to be a working mom and agree with this whole heartedly. My biggest problem is that people assume that our continuing to work is a choice. To me, that completely minimizes the financial contributions we are making fior our families (like its just "extra" money we do not need it to survive). I am the primary breadwinner and have supported myself and DH for the past 5 years. I pay the mortgage, utilities, food bill, everything. It's DH's income that is really the "extra" income here. I have an MBA and CPA and have worked my tail off for years to get to the level I'm at professionally. Yes, I'll love my baby and my baby will be a priority but, no, I will not give up on what I've accomplished over the past 15 years in my career.
And, no one ever asks a man if he plans to continue to work after the baby is born.