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Missouri Babies
April 20th Check In
For this week, let's discuss judgement! Of course we have all judged someone or been judged for their choices. But I noticed it so much more when I got pregnant and became a mother! So what have you been judged about when it comes to your mothering techniques? You can discuss anything here . . . baby names, breastfeeding/formula feeding, co-sleeping/crib sleeping? Let's remember to be supportive and respectful as people are only posting their opinions. This is the week to vent your frustrations about all the judgy mcjudgersons out there!
Help spread the word about our baby board on other boards where you hang out!
Good thoughts for April (schmapril) as she went in for an induction last night!!! Can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl!
Labor Dust for Jennie - We're all ready to meet you Samantha!
Michele - Good luck with your induction tomorrow! Hoping all goes well and you meet your little Mattilyn very soon : )
Ashley (ashleyb0604) - We're thinking about you.
Also, please come back and share pics and your birth story when you have time. I'm sure our expecting moms would appreciate hearing your experiences!
KC Mommies:
Kate (2B_MRS_PVG)
#1 Beckett Reed
03-29-09
Shelsie (Kgreenygirl)
#1 Stella Noelle
??? 03-05-09
Lindsay (TrumpetBride)
#1 Jack
03-02-09
Lauren (Kipper_l)
#1 Bree Alexandra
2-22-09
Beth (BMF8140)
#1 Bennett Dean
01-02-09
Emily (E&D07)
#1 Benjamin Richard
12-26-08
Melissa (Melzull)
#1&2 Twins Lillian Faith & Claire Elizabeth
12-22-08
Christi (Boilergirl79)
#1&2 Twins Matt & Sam
09-10-08
Molly (Shakespearenluv)
#1 Landon Neil
08-08-08
Shannon (Shannirish)
#1-3 Triplets Gavin, Simon & Scarlett
05-16-08
Rachel (rach1015)
#1 Addison Macae
12-08-07
(SaucySarie)
#1-3 Triplets Anna, Ayva & Justin
11-15-07
Rita (Mrs.Hubbard)
#1 Payton Bradley
05-20-07
Beth (Fishie)
#1 McKenna Reese
02-28-06
KC Moms-to-Be:
April (Schmapril)
#1 It's a Surprise
Due 04-16-09
Michele (Mattsgurl)
#1 Mattilyn Elizabeth
Induction scheduled on 04-21-09
Jennie (Jen748)
#1 Samantha Jane
Due 04-19-09
Ashley (ARC 07)
Boy
Induction scheduled on 04-28-09
Stephanie (ShinerGirl)
#1 Boy
Due 06-03-09
Barbara (BK216)
#1 It's a Surprise
Due 07-24-09
Megan (MMalone97)
#1
Due 08-02-09
Sara (Briez01)
#1 ?
Due 10-11-09
Beth (Fishie)
#2 ?
Due 10-13-09
Please let me know if I get any of this info incorrect or if you want to add something!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: April 20th Check In
My biggest judgment would have to be related to parenting against scientific facts and going along with people jumping off the deep end, especially considering medical decisions. I think it has a lot to do with Brett working in the medical field...he has seen so much and has so many stories.
Obviously, my weekly status is that we are being induced Thursday morning if she doesn't arrive by then. Fingers crossed for an earlier delivery but as the days tick by, I am beginning to think it will be Thursday!!
Okay, I'll go. I feel like I've been judged for some of my decisions or things that have happened but I realize it is probably just my insecurities as a new mom.
The first is BF. I gave myself a really hard time (still do) because I had to wean. I feel like I gave it my best shot but I can still get really down about it and feel like a big fat failure. For instance, when I heard my friend is having great success with BF her second child (BF didn't work with her first) I felt envious. Then she sent her Similac coupons to us because she didn't need them and I don't know why but I started crying. I know she was just trying to help but it humiliated me for some reason. I am still so emotional with the fact that I wasn't able to do it for a year. And the fact that my BF goal was only three months (duration of my maternity leave) and I STILL beat myself up about the "BF for the first year" thing. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over it and move on from these feelings.
The second thing I feel judged about is how long it took me to push. I pushed for 2.5 hours and I get comments from people like, "Gosh, it only took me three pushes." Well, good for you. You're lucky!!! I have since learned that there were many factors leading to pushing for that long. Huge head circumference, cord wrapped around the neck twice, blah blah blah. The only thing that should matter is that I pushed him out!!! I really don't think it matters how many pushes it took. Does a few pushes mean that you're a tougher woman? I swear to God, I was pushing with everything I had for the entire 2.5 hours. I even asked my OB if I was not doing it right and she said I was, that he just was stuck for a couple of different reasons.
Okay, vents over. Ahhhh, I feel better now : )
Molly-I had to push for 2 hours too, so don't worry. I've definitely heard the 15 minutes of pushing stories and was super jealous!
Here are my thoughts:
-Some of the girls I teach with were judgemental about me taking off for so long. Sorry, but I have a life outside of work! Plus, my sub is a certified English teacher, so I have no worries about my students missing out on an education.
-I'm sure some people judged my DH and I for doing IVF. There's just not enough info out there about it and when people think of IVF, they think of OctoMom. She gave us IVFers a bad name! No one has come to me and said anything about it, but I'm sure there have been some whispers...
Give me a month or so and we can chat! I am only BF'ing for the first month and then weaning before I go back to work. I may keep in an evening bf'ing session but that's about it, if at all. The logistics at work are just not going to work for me...I would have to pump in our bathroom and b/c I am hourly, I would have to make up my time by either coming in early or leaving late.
Currently, my mindset is that any bf is good for the baby! Stress on mom is bad for mom, dad and baby!
Hey ladies! Good question. I had an older gentleman ask us at a doctor's appointment, and I quote, "If we had IVF in order to have triplets." Uhhhh, no dude - we were just lucky enough to end up that way. NOT THAT IT IS ANY OF YOUR BIDNESS HOW WE GOT PREGS W/TRIPLETS!!!!
Maybe I'm just defensive about it because we have had SO many strangers who feel it is appropriate to ask us if we had fertility when they see the babies, but I just felt like when the guy asked us his stupid question, he did so in a judgemental way. Ah well!
And of course, the Lactation Nazi at the hospital where I was said, "I HOPE you're not going back to work!" about 3 hours after the c-section. When I told her I was, she said, "Well, I HOPE your company gives you AT LEAST 12 weeks off," and it was at that point that I wanted to say - "Excuse me - but unless you are offering to pay my bills, mortgage, put gas in my car and buy enough formula for three, it is NONEYABIDNESS if/when I'm going back to work, and NO - I ALSO DO NOT PLAN TO BREASTFEED!"
Sheesh Molly - your innocent little post got me all worked up - my bad!!!
- Shannan
Since my little guy is still hanging in there with his big ole head.. (measuring 36 weeks plus as of yesterday) I haven't had much comments yet on my potential mothering skills... my family is far away (that makes it much easier) and my DH's family is slightly afraid of me (I normally don't take much crap from anyone) and have been hugely supportive of everything I have done and experienced so far... my biggest concern so far has been my weight (a very sore subject prior to the pregnancy - which my family has decided will always be the topic of conversation)... I think I have been afraid to relax the majority of my pregnancy in that one day I was going to wake up and be +50lbs like they all said I would be... ended up that my ultrasound yesterday was to confirm that everything was going well because I have continued to lose during my pregnancy (-15lbs).. granted I had it to lose and I have convinced my concerned hubby that I wasn't starving myself and that I was much like a bear in winter with plenty of fat to keep both little baby b and myself happy for the duration.
I am waiting with clenched fists as to the comments, directions and instructions that will be given once little guy shows up... my family is very good at pointing out everything you are doing wrong and nothing you are doing right! Should make for some interesting fireworks and very short phone conversations! I hope for the 15 minutes of pushing and the strength to hold out on my BF goals but am going into with the knowledge I have learned here from others that neither is easy or simple and it all takes a lot of work!
hehehe, I realize now after going back and reading what I posted that I sound much like a child. Oops. Oh well, I guess it's a venting post girls so VENT AWAY!
Let's see... I know I have had some family members upset that I don't feed my girls every time they fuss. I have a SIL who would start feeding her DD anytime she would start fussing and I know that a baby cries for more reasons then just being hungry, there are other ways to comfort them.?
I also was very hard on myself for not trying harder to BF. I gave up after only 2 weeks and I really didnt try, I actually found reasons not to do it. My girls have always been big eaters and when they were first born when they were hungry you better be reason for a screamfest. It was so hard trying to get them latched when they were that upset and they didnt give much warning to us. Also, having people over wanting to help the first three weeks made it hard to really get comfortable with any sort new normalcy. I also tried BF both of them at the same time, and when tandom feeding I felt like a cow giving milk to her babies. I just felt like a feeding machine. When I talked to Josh about my decision to stop, he was extremely supportive but that didnt make me feel like any less of a failure. ?
There have really only been a couple of instances where I've felt judged so far (knocking on wood as we speak). ?The one that got under my skin the most was when people would criticize us on our name choices. ?When we settled on Addison Macae ______, my il's would not let it go that we were using the masculine spelling for her and should spell it Addisyn instead to make it more feminine. ?They would say it to my DH behind my back (mainly because they probably knew deep down that it wasn't their place and would be inappropriate to say to me and would've upset me). ?Um, since when was it up to people other than the mother and father to name the child that WE created and WE will be caring for? ?
The other instance has been when Addy first started thinking she could fuss and throw a mini-fit when she didn't get her way. ?I'm a firm believer in leaving her alone and ignoring her while she's doing it as long as she's not going to hurt herself or others in the process. ?I don't say, "oh, don't get upset" or "it will be okay" or even try to give her something else to distract her because I think she needs to figure out how to work out her frustrations on her own and I don't want her make a connection between throwing fits and getting attention. ?I had told my dad to just ignore her and not to talk to her or give her anything when she did this and he looked at me like I was CRAZY and said he wishes he could've just ignored me when I threw fits! ?I just told him to give it a try and he'd see that she responds much better to just being left alone than to having someone trying to reason with her or distract her. ?It was hard for him at first, but after seeing me do it and how it works, he has since done it! ?At first, I really felt like my dad was judging me and I felt like he thought I was neglecting Addy by not trying to comfort her or calm her down when she'd get upset, but now he sees that if/when she gets upset, she doesn't even get to the point to where she's throwing a mini-fit like she was about a month or two ago. ?I just want to nip it now and show her that kind of behavior doesn't get a reaction out of me nor does it give her what she wants so what's the point in doing it. ?So far so good, but I'm knocking on wood again! (c: