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Blended Families
Resenting our SKs?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Resenting our SKs?
Some people here do. Not many regulars. But I have gotten that feeling many times from our drive by posters.
If they don't resent the kids, they resent their behavior, the child support, the fact that the BM has some involvement in their lives, etc.
Unfortch, she's not far off the mark if you're an occasional reader. You wouldn't know who is a regular and who showed up three weeks ago.
Click me, click me!
Didn't think of it that way (not knowing regulars).
SMs have such a bad rep already. It's a shame that people perpetuate the stereotype.
I am not going to lie. ?I totally and completely resent the fact that my DH's EX is never going to be held responsible for creating the "monster" (just using the phrase - ?I really do not feel SS is a monster) that DH and I have to help.
Yes, SS has a learning disability. ?But if BM had done the work when this disability came to light, he would be a well adjusted teenager that would not be the target for continual bullying every time he interacts with other kids his own age.
He would not be the 12 yo who came to my house without the ability to make his own breakfast in the morning. ?
He would have the coping skills to deal with life's LITTLE disappointments.
Instead, we get the pleasure of trying to get as much catch up that we can before he heads off to highschool - where it will be 100x harder on him.
No - I do not resent him....I do resent the hell out of her though. ?
I don't resent my SS's - I resent what BM has made them. They are a product of their environment and it's really sad that she's SO selfish and blinded by her own actions that she doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing to her own sons. She's setting them up for a failure in a lot of ways - she goes out of her way to try and damage their relationship with their father. She goes out of her way to make everything as difficult and nasty as it can possible be and we just don't get it. (I mean, we do, in a way - she's a very unhappy little person lol...but seriously...it gets old and she's out of control almost all of the time)
So realistically, I resent BM - she's a twisted person who will try to drag anyone down with her that she can get ahold of and right now, that's my SS's. It breaks DH's heart to see what she's done to them over the past few years and that he doesn't have more of an influence there now, living out of state and all that goes with it (BM's alienation of them, etc)
We'll be back in court again soon and I blame it on her. She can't make things easy and she doesn't put the boys first or we wouldn't be in this type of volatile situation. We've tried from day 1, to have a kosher "adult" relationship with BM but it's futile. She's a nut. What can I say. You can't reason with crazy.
I think that if everyone were honest they would say that they resented thier SKs a little, sometimes. I am not saying this to be a biitch, but everyone has those days or those moments. Hopefully those thoughts and feelings are brief but they do occur.
I am a ML regular and a regular on this board, and I do think that many (NOT ALL) of the posters here resent their step kids. There are frequent posts about not wanting their step child to be around when a new baby is born, complaints about child support, parenting time affecting family vacations, ect.
That's primarily what I was referring to. You worded it much better.
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Why don't people want their SKs around the new baby?
There has been more than a few posts from step mom's that are having their first baby and they want the time to be special between Mom, Dad, and Baby and they don't want their step children around to "ruin" the first few weeks. They forget the part that they wouldn't want to send their child away when their sibling is born.
This was something that was completely blown out of proportion. I, for one, stated that I didn't want my SD at the hospital when I was in labor because I do not feel that a hospital waiting room is a place for a 4 year old and because I wanted all my DH's attention for that day. I do not feel any guilt about that at all and I will do the same when the next one is born.
I don't think anyone actually stated that the SK would ruin the first couple of weeks. Come one now. Overgeneralizations, much?
I agree with Ria that a hospital waiting room is no place for a 4 year old (or any other small child, for that matter).
1) You weren't the only one to bring up the question.
2) The biggest offenders wanted to give up their visitation or wanted to shuttle the children off to the other parent for the weeks following the birth.
3) Yes, they did. Perhaps this was while you were out but we've had quite a few humdingers of late. I wish it were a generalization.
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I have been around, but not posting much. Maybe I did miss a big offender (though I don't think so), but I never saw anything as outrageous as some of you make it out to be. I think some people just get off on being snarky because its fun.
As a stepmom no bio-mom can really understand what its like and vice versa. Only now that I am both am I able to "get it". You can think you understand all day long, and act high and mighty about "right" and "wrong" but seriously people, it really isn't as dramatic as all that.
Then I'll say clearly since you are deliberately missing the point.
You absolutely, postively and all that good shiit missed the fuuk out of at least one post where a woman wanted to "relinquish" I believe was her wording husband's visitation so they could spend a few weeks alone with the new baby. And since he had EOW, I'm assuming probably a full month.
Maybe it's not that dramatic, but it's not that sanctimonious either.
Click me, click me!
i saw this too. i'm an ML regular and a daily lurker here. i'm a biomom and a stepmom. i would really love to participate more around here, but it is often just too angry, dramatic, etc.
don't worry...i fully appreciate the irony that i'm from ML and the anger/resentment/drama around here is too much!
I don't post here frequently, although I am a SM to a 12 y/o son which we have full custody of. This being said I believe that the ladies who want their SK's sent away are forgetting that they already are a family with the SK's. I may not have given birth to that boy, but that does not stop me from being a mom. It angers me to no end. Those women should not even have the honor of being called a stepMOM. If they can't accept that these children are in fact their children, they should have thougth about that when they agreed to get married into a blended family.
I cannot wait until the day when I can introduce our child to my SS and say...here is your brother/sister. We will be even more of a family.
::steps off soapbox::
I admit I remember the woman who also wanted to give up the summer visitation for the baby. Most of those offenders are not regulars, they post, get slammed, and then disappear.
I will also always remember the woman who is looking forward to her "replacement" baby since the SD is so awful. She obviously does resent her SD.
But the regulars here don't seem to. Sure CS gets annoying, or in our case the cost and time of the travel to get her (we wish we could live closer, or her mom split travel since she moved). But I sure hate her mom, because of the wrong she does her own daughter (and son for that matter), and her attempts to alienate her children from their fathers.
i have felt this way too.
Wow I can't imagine not wanting the kids "around" after the baby is born - now there's a lot of issues to be worked out with SS's regarding their new baby brother who is on his way because BM has tried SO damn hard to make it a negative thing. The boys used to be excited and now, thanks to BM, they have all these worries/jealousy issues because of things she's said. Both SS's originally said they wanted to be at the hospital when the baby was born (this was when we lived in the same area) now we live in seperate states and it's going to be near impossible to get them from out of state, during school at that, to be at the hospital.
At Xmas, we told the boys we were sorry they weren't able to come be apart of that day and they said "Well, that's ok cuz mom said we aren't allowed to go anyway..." That really frosted DH and he told them "Well, I'm your parent too and if you really wanted to be apart of a family event like that and we were closer, you weren't missing school at the end of the year, etc then it would be an issue to be discussed because Hayden is your baby brother..."
Ss's also used to say "baby brother" until recently - BM has again, pumped their heads full of doodoo and now when DH says something about their "baby brother" youngest SS especially, says "he's NOT my brother...he's my HALF-brother...mom told me so."
Nice BM...really nice. But yet, it's ok for BM to tell the boys to call DH by his first name and call their step-dad "Dad"...I think not.