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potential family feud for using baby name (long)
Okay, so I have this situation, I'll try to cut it down to the short version. My sister in law and DH's brother are done having kids. They recently had another boy back in November, and she had her heart set on having a girl. On Easter, she told me what names she would have named her if it was a girl. She wanted to name her Katherine (after her mother), Elaina (Elaine is the name of my DH's late mother, but she added the A because she didn't like it). The SECOND I heard Elaina, I loved it! I would spell it Elena, and it would be after DH's mom, and he said that he would love to remember his mom that way.
Bottom line, we both love the name, my family loves the name, as a first name. We are still working on a middle, if it's a girl (we'll know on Wed's U/S). I should mention, sister in law is a complete psycho. With this I say everything. We play board games in family get togethers, and she cries and pouts when her husband that is on her team doesn't help her to win. This is one of many reasons why she's psycho.
So long story short, I want to use Elena, would it be messed up to take it and name my first baby (if it's a girl) knowing now that she had it chosen if she had a girl, even though she had another boy. She will probably hate me forever and cry and wish she had a girl, and that I did it on purpose. I kinda want to avoid provoking this drama, but my hubby hates her guts and says screw it, let's name OUR BABY whatever we want, she was my mother too!.
I just don't want WW3 forever with her ya know? PLEASE ADVISE! U/S is on Wednesday and if it's a girl, we are just gonna die of happiness! (DH's family is ALL BOYS, so we are hoping to break the curse and give grandpa a grandaughter!)
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Re: potential family feud for using baby name (long)
This scares/worries me. What if it's a boy??
I would name your baby whatever you want. ?
we're still working on boy names, I'd be happy either way, but just prefer a girl first
I say use it. ?
Try not to get too excited for a girl... I've seen SIL do this twice. ?She has two fabulous boys.?
DS- Wesley- March 14, 2010
1. She can't really claim a name
2. She is done having kids, no??
Just another name suggestion for you: Elaine and nn Lainey. I love the name Lainey. So adorable. My moms name is Elaine and it's on our list too.
And i'd use whatever name you and your dh decide you want to name your child. Don't let crazy sil sway your opinion one way or another. Just stay true to yourselves and go with what your heart decides.
Gl!!!
It's not a curse, it's a family joke because EVERYONE in DH's side of the family has boys
I think DH has one aunt and a female cousin, that's IT! lol
Let's say you had a girl and didn't name her Elena (the name you and your DH love) because a SIL you don't even like, who doesn't have/might never have a girl would freak out.
Wouldn't you feel more resentful towards her, always wishing that you had used Elena than if she annoyed you with her cry-baby antics for a little while until she gets over herself?
I say use it! Especially when it's not just a name you guys love, but it's also in memory of your DH's mother. I wouldn't even give it a second thought.
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
- Robert Munsch
Clearly you need to figure out first before deciding on whether to use it if you are even having a girl. May be a moot point.
Second, I would probably discuss it with her. If she says it would bother her, I would personally pick another name, Ellen, Eleanor, Ella, etc to honor DH;s mom. I have a SIL that is also a little psycho and I would not want to initiate the drama.
You have to decide what you want, because now your different goals are conflicting.
1) If you want to avoid WWIII then you need to choose a different name. You know your SIL is going to be upset when she finds out about this, there will be a conflict. You can't choose Elena but then say you don't want an argument, because you're going to get one.
2) If you want to use the name you life best, which honors your DH's mother, than do it. Do not be surprised when your SIL freaks out. Try not to rub it in her face, even if you're excited about it and want to talk about it. Go in with thick skin, ready to take whatever she's going to dish out. Don't do anything to prolong the conflict (including telling her that you can't claim names, or that she had a boy so it shouldn't matter). Be smart, not right - let her get her venting out of her system and then be done with it.
I think either option is viable. It just comes down to which you want more. FWIW I think Elena is a very pretty name, and I love the idea of honoring loved ones. I can see how it might be uncomfortable to rock the family boat though. Good luck!
She's done having kids right? How can she lay claim to a name if she'll never, ever use it?
I guess you'll find out tomorrow if it's even worth worrying about. If you're having a boy, it's a non-issue. If you have a girl, I'd say use it. She was only going to use it as a mn anyway.
Oh, and she's DONE having kids!!!! You're not! She'll just have to get over it. My guess is she'd be more upset about you having a girl at all than what you're naming her.
Name your baby what you want. Just be prepared for a scene, potentially in the hospital room. There is no way around it, you got the idea from her and she is going to be upset. Just plan how you will break the news to her and plan how you will react to it. Like a grown-up.
(Not that I don't think that you won't act mature--it's just that it sounds like she will not. And you know how easy it is to get sucked into family drama, bringing out the worst in people)
My sister and I traded names back and forth with our babies and it was no big deal. I named my DD Mia, which I found out was on HER list for girls. She had all boys and named one of her twins a middle name of Ross, which was OUR first choice for a boy when DD was born. And it was no big deal--it just made me feel like I picked really good names.
Good luck with this, and with your u/s!!!