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Blended Families
Good idea/Bad idea?
So I usually post about how my SD doesn't send thank you notes, doesn't call her father on holidays, etc. so why I am even considering this idea is beyond me... I guess I want her to feel special and *maybe* just maybe, this would be what would make her respect/love us/involve us in her life... So please, give me your honest opinions!
My SD's birthday is coming up. She started a new school this past year so she is pretty much "the new girl." I was thinking of sending her a cookie bouquet to her school so that she would get it on her birthday. I thought that this idea was great and that she would love it. My DH said "if that were me, I wouldn't like that..." but maybe it's a girl thing - it would have made my week!!
My ONLY hesitation in doing this is that I am fearful that she will just ignore it and brush it off. Now to clarify - I would NOT be doing it just to get a thank you from her... but I am afraid that my feelings would be so hurt/I would be so angry if she didn't... So do I do it and hopefully it doesn't set her up to fail, or since she really doesn't deserve it - just not do it?
I am someone who loves giving people gifts... Give me a gift card or money and it's usually spent on someone else. Just who I am - I love to see people smile or get excited!
Any feedback would be appreciated 
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Re: Good idea/Bad idea?
IT depends on her personality. I am like your DH, I wouldnt like it if someone did that. I don't like to have everyones attention on me. Some people would totally dig that though, so I guess it depends on her temperament.
If your DH thinks that she wouldnt like to recieve it at school, you should send it to her moms house. I think it is a cute idea
PS - her mother would either eat it herself or say it was from her and throw away our card!
I thought it was a cute idea too!
If you are going to get upset because she doesn't thank you, I wouldn't do it. You shouldn't expect a thank you. You should definitely get one, but to expect it is crazy.
I wouldn't have wanted that kind of attention on me as a new kid at school.
If this were one of my SS's I wouldn't do it - not because I don't think it's a cute idea but because we have the same issues with them not appreciating ANYTHING anyone gets them or being thankful. They are horribly materialistic and have come to "expect" things constantly from everyone in their lives and they act like brats when they don't get what they want all the time. My SS's also hardly ever call DH on holidays and missed his bday this year - and any other time they never call DH back and hardly return his texts.
Unfortunately, I don't think you'll be getting what you'd like as far as "opening her eyes" - I used to have thoughts like that too with my SS's and nothing I ever did "opened their eyes" or helped them to act/treat people differently. They just kept on acting as selfish as they always had. So if that's the reason you're doing it, I wouldn't waste your time - I have learned this and while the boys still get a xmas/bday gift from us, I have stopped going out of my way to do things that I think would normally be fabulous and appreciated by most kids with any manners or anything because they simply just keep taking advantage and still treat Dh like sh!t. Very sad.
Soooooo what I'm saying is, I wouldn't go out of my way for the reason you specified because you will probably be sorely disappointed. Sorry.
If you're going to send her stuff, you need to get over how struck through the heart in pain and agony you feel when she doesn't send a thank you card.
Yes, she should send you something to let you know she received it, is grateful, etc. But she won't and if you can't deal with that, stop setting yourself up for disappointment.
Click me, click me!
I know that SD will not send a thank you card... A call to let us know that she got a gift - most definitely... it's appreciated - most definitely. She can't waste a stamp on her father, I know she isnt going to waste one on me...
I guess I thought this idea would maybe show her how much we care, etc. and that she would start calling.
Im not in agony Hind - it more makes me p!ssed... so you are right, I shouldnt do it.
Serendipity - I agree. I LOVE to do for others, when it is appreciated... I guess I see all this cool "teenager" stuff and know how much she'd love it (she shows appreciation when she is with us, otherwise nothing) so its hard. I had the best relationship with my SF, I guess I just wish ours was like it.
Yeah, unfortunately my SS's don't show appreciation whether they're with us or not lol...even if they ARE with us, you get them something or whatever and we always have to say "are you forgetting something?...How about a thank you???" It's really sad. The last time I took youngest SS (12) to get something he really wanted, he didn't say a WORD after I bought it for him just grabbed it up and walked off. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and I waited a little bit to see if he'd say anything and finally I said "It would be nice of you to say "thank you" for ______" and then he said "Oh, well I was going to in just a minute..." (that's what he ALWAYS says when DH and I remind him and his brother which is ALL the time and for whatever reason it still doesn't get through.) Probably because BM doesn't promote thank you's or thinking of others when they think of you and so on. An acknowledgement even....but nothing. Ever.
i agree with this. and i think it's perfectly fine to go ahead and send it even though she probably won't say thank you. that doesn't mean automatically that she doesn't appreciate it or won't look back when she is older and appreciate that you and her dad always remembered her on special occasions.
Do you think she does not call and TY because she does not want to upset her mom?
I don't know what I would do. If I thought it was the above reason for never getting a TY as opposed to being truely unappreciative, I would maybe do it. But if you do it, then make sure the school allows that sort of thing first.
I honestly don't think that she is afraid to hurt her mom's feelings... Her mom has always had the mentalilty "let them do it - less I have to do" I think that she just was never ever raised to say thank you. She grew up seeing her mom take and take from people and has just come to expect it. Unfortunately!!