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3rd Trimester
Speaking of baby gender - I don't get the "I'm a planner" argument for finding out.
Ok, I've been thinking about this a lot because this is probably the most frequent comment I get when I tell people my age that we're not finding out (most older people think it's great). And it really bugs me, as though I'm just sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for the kid, because I can't possibly think of any ways to plan for a kid that I don't know the gender of...
So after thinking about it for a bit, I've thought of two reasons why I think finding out gender would be about 'planning'.
#1: For a 2nd kid/3rd kid, because you're not having a shower and if you have a lot of one gendered clothing, it might be nice to know if you're going to use the same clothes or new clothes.
#2: If you're planning on only having one kid and are dying to do everything in blue/pink.
Otherwise, I don't get it. Can someone explain it to me? What am I not planning for?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Speaking of baby gender - I don't get the "I'm a planner" argument for finding out.
For me, it is not having patience enough to wait 9 months! I wanted to have her nursery ready,and did not like the idea of gender neutral. As it turns out, we aren't doing a nursery because my mom moved in. However, I think its all personal, and it shouldn't be a big deal one way or the other!!
On top of that, I love shopping, dd has more clothes, shoes, and hair accessories then I do!
Morgan's Birth Story: http://www.fullcirclemidwifery.com/2009/06/morgans-birth/
Chloe's Birth Story: http://www.fullcirclemidwifery.com/2012/04/chloes-birth/
I peek at all my Christmas presents EVERY YEAR. Not knowing the baby's sex would kill me!
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I agree; I don't see how it affects planning though. ?
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reallyA big part of it for me was nailing the name down. We know it's a boy and it's nice to be able to call him "Cole" now, rather than just "the baby", or "Cole or girlname".
Even though we know it's a boy, I still got gender neutral gear and nursery decor because we'll need to use it for baby #2 as well.
I, too, didn't like any gender neutral nursery looks and am not really a fan of ALL yellow or green clothes. More importantly, though, I was so anxious to find out so that I could better envision our life once he's here. It really brought me closer to the reality that a baby is joining our lives once I found out it was a boy. Having that picture in my mind of what our family will look like (even though I'm sure I'm creating all sorts of unnecessary expectations) really helped me feel like our baby is *real* now.
Definitely a personal choice; by no means does it matter to me if someone else finds out what they are having.
Chrysallys - I think your second reason is a good one. One I hadn't thought of, but it makes complete sense to me.
And Manda - the odd thing is that I'm one of those people too!
I wanted a gender-specific nursery done, and for my baby to have gender appropriate clothing. I can't stand not knowing if a child is a boy or a girl when I go to say "Oh, isn't she/he adorable"...it bugs me. My nursery isn't pink - and the clothes that I have bought her so far are not pink either. But, it has a feminine flair, like her nursery has fairies in it, and her clothing has strawberries and cherries on it. That being said, all of the big stuff, the carseat, stroller, PNP, and crib are all gender-neutral for the next baby.
It's fun to plan for a baby and be gender specific. Why wouldn't you want to do the planes, trains, and automobiles thing with a boy, and the lace, bunnies, and ribbons thing for a girl? Just my 2 cents...
Edit: Also - I kind of get the feeling you're not really upset with those of us that are "planners" - but that you are ticked off people make you sound like you're not prepared. I totally don't think you're unprepared, and I would be ticked off too. I think it's just a personal choice as to the way you want to be prepared.
Oh, and I also don't think, as a planner, I can take any more excitement the day of baby's birth. I think "omigosh we have a baby" is going to be enough overload for me. Adding in the "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" is like way too much newness for me!!
And in response to pp's, even though we know it's a boy, we DON'T have all blue stuff. But now we can have boyish colors AND neutral colors and not overdo either.
I agree with you 100%. I get that comment all of the time followed by a look that I am a bit crazy. I am a planner and I am planning on having a baby. Baby girls and baby boys need the same things. It's just that it won't all be pink or blue. I have a great gender neutral nursery and DH and I love it. It is sage green and brown and very sweet. I can honestly say even if I did know girl or boy I would have gone with the same colors and bedding set. My baby has all of the newborn clothing he/she will need and I am sure I won't be able to resist purchasing pink or blue items once the baby makes his/her appearance. As far as the going home outfit. We have purchased one for a girl and one for a boy and both will be washed and packed in my hospital bag. The one we don't use we will just donate. I love the anticipation of not knowing and DH and I truly think it is the last great surprise.
I don't knock the people who want to find out, to each their own.
Because I don't want to put gender role expectations on my unborn child? But it's totally ok if someone else does, just not for me. We're having our fun planning though, either way our baby is going to play with Tonka trucks and dolls. Equal opportunity playing around these parts.
A lot of people don't like neutral stuff. They're happy to buy girly or boyish stuff for each child, or at least do the nursery in a more specific way. Very few "neutral" items ever really look neutral. You just kinda accept them for either gender, but they usually suit one better.?
Picking names is another fantastic reason to find out for some people. There are couples who would literally fight tooth and nail over boy names, but girl names they have no issue with (or vice versa). Saves a lot of strife if you find out whether you need to even argue about it.?
Now, I don't think "planning" is a reason to make someone feel bad about not finding out, but I don't think it's a bad reason to find out either. It's as much a good reason as "I want it to be a surprise" as it's still a surprise at 20 weeks for those who do find out. ?
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
We found out just because we couldn't wait...not a planning issue!
Even after we knew it was a girl, we painted the nursery yellow...we're just getting lots of pink gifts.
Good for you for waiting...we sometimes get picked on for not waiting for "the surprise of our lives." I just wanted to hear what it was when I wasn't exhausted and doped out on those wonderful drugs.
We're lucky I guess because we chose a girl and boy name in about 10 minutes driving home one night.
And we've bonded with the kid. I love calling him the kid and/or skeletor (from our 1st u/s pic at 20 weeks). I also tend to call the kid a him, and we laugh all the time about how hilarious it'll be if it turns out to be a girl. But we have a pretty twisted sense of humor ;o)
This. It didn't have much to do with planning for me. I really wanted to "bond" with the baby.
"I'm a planner" = "I'm a control freak"
There is much more planning involved when you don't know the sex. You have to pick names for both and make sex specific decisions for both (circumcision, ear piercing, etc.). IMO it is much more difficult to find great great clothes, gear, and nursery decor that will work for either. Bottom line, not knowing the sex takes much more planning. The planning excuse just means that they MUST.BE.IN.CONTROL.
BTW, I don't think that everyone that finds out the sex is a control freak. I just think that's the case when people start playing the planning card.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO