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Washington Babies
June24Bride
member
Oprah's episode re: sex...discuss
June24Bride
member
did u watch last week? i'd love to discuss. if you havent seen it, please look it up on youtube or hulu.
I was very overwhelmed and thankful i have many years before i talk to my daughter about sex. They had this 10 yr old girl ( who was DARLING ) who was dying for her mom to talk to her about sex, and the mom was avoiding it, so they decided to do it on national tv w/ the help of a sexpert/counselor chic. It was interesting. But the chic and Oprah were pushing parents to talk to their young kids about vibrators and pleasuring themselves. I was personally floored. She even mentioned BUYING them for your daughters. I just sat there with tears running down my face because it's so sad that as the years go on, the less innocence there is out there.
THOUGHTS?
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Re: Oprah's episode re: sex...discuss
That little girl was really so adorable!! But I totally agree with that woman, that "self stimulation" should be discussed with teenage girls. I don't think a vibrator for a 16 yo is a loss of innocence...seeing as I was having sex at that age.
Mostly, since I'm having a boy, that show made me feel obligated to have several discussions with my son about how casual bjs are NOT okay, and that using a girl in that way is completely unacceptable.
I dont even know where to begin...I consider myself very open about issues like sex and Im hoping that I will be the same with Norah and Jacob. I dont know if I'll go as far as talking to them about masturbat*on but we'll take it day by day. I do know that I wont be buying DS pornographic magazines nor will I be buying my daughter a vibrator...
I come from a very religious and conservative background and my parents really never had "the talk" with me, I think they just assumed I was going to wait until I was married (fail). Thankfully I knew a ton about sex/periods early on b/c my circle of friends talked about that kind of stuff. But to talk about it becuase "they already know" IMO is the wrong way to go about it. The Dr was like they're already doing it, they know about oral sex, bj's are common everyones sexting ect, ect, ect I know for a fact the girls at my 5th and 6th grade table on Wednesday nights at church dont know about most of that stuff, granted they are mostly homeschooled, but I pray that Norah will be educated about those subjects and be raised with enough morals, self control and respect for herself that she will wait until she's married andiif she doesnt that she will feel comfortable enough to talk to me so we can make sure she's on birth control...I hope this made sense, I could go on and on but I'll stop
Ditto with Jacob as well...
I was floored too.... I just don't know how I feel about it. I have no problem having the birds and the bees talk with my daughter at 10ish... I started my period at 11, so you've sorta gotta talk to them about the mechanics.
But the pleasuring themselves at 14!?!?! I'm more with Gayle on that one....it's an adult behavior, not one I want to be supporting that young. I'm sure there are those that would disagree with me on that...but I want to really encourage my daughter to wait. I wasn't having sex at that age - neither was my husband. In fact, I know lots of people who weren't....so I want to figure out how to make that happen....not vice versa.
I liked her point though about the double standard between boys and girls. Boys are clearly pleasuring themselves by that age, and to not talk to our daughters, we are risking that boys have all the control and knowledge in their sexual encounters. I would just rather have my daughter get information from me than from her first "boyfriend."
I grew up very sheltered in VT, and my parents really didn't talk to me at all about sex (other than the 5th grade, body changes, etc) but I was definitely around other girls who were sexually active way too early. Luckily, I never found myself in a situation that I later regretted.
I have to say that up until the "buy your daughter a vibrator" part, I agree with pretty much everything she had to say.
First of all, I think we do our children a HUGE disservice by only ever having one official "birds and bees" talk with them. ?The idea of having multiple, age appropriate discussions that start with more basic physical information and progress to more emotional and sexual topics as they get older seems like the right thing to do. ?
The idea that young girls learn about this stuff from their friends (or worse - boys) is frightening. ?I hope to foster an open and honest path of communication between myself and my daughter so that she feels comfortable (like the 10 year old on the show did) asking about sensitive topics.?
I think, like greenmtbride said, that it's really important that we ensure our girls have the information, self-awareness?and confidence needed so they can take control of their sexual destiny, if you will.
I was raised in a fairly liberal, non-religious household, and I know that at some point my mom had "the talk" with me, but for the life of me I can't remember it. ?And I certainly don't remember it having anything to do with taking control of my own sexuality.
And I certainly don't think it's unreasonable to assume that a 14 year old girl could be pleasuring herself. ?I'll admit, I figured out that whole thing well before then. ?That said, I didn't lose my virginity until very near the end of my senior year in high school, when I had been with that boyfriend for 9 months. ?I look at what I had as a sexual awareness from a young age that allowed me to really stay in control of my encounters. ?I certainly don't think that masturbation and sexual promiscuity necessarily go hand in hand.
Bio & Blog | The Chic Bambino | Bumps & Babies Fair
Well, I'm no expert, but the very idea that the motivating force behind a young girl's decision to have sex is to reach orgasm is ridiculous. That may be why boys have sex, but it is NOT why most young girls have sex. Instead of handing out sex toys, we should be building self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect. That will be far more effective in encouraging girls to wait until they're ready.
I have moral beliefs that I will instill in Evie, but regardless of morals or religion, I think we can all agree that girls should have sex because they truly want to, not because they need it as a form of acceptance. The best way to do that is to nuture our girls, not buy them vibrators.
Bio & Blog | The Chic Bambino | Bumps & Babies Fair
Ditto Coreen! I posted last week, but there's a lady in our area who was a sex therapist and found herself dumbfounded when it came to talking about sex with her own kids, so she founded her own business. She feels that kids she know what sex is by age 5. I guess they also found that if a child knows what sex is that they are less likely to be abducted or molested. She has a whole list of books that are age appropriate. She says that she always prefaces everything with "this is something you do when you are an adult). She came and talked at our prescool and I thought she was just WONDERFUL. Her website is www.birdsandbeesandkids.com
And FWIW, my parents never had the sex talk with me. Kids told me about it, but in a way that was mean. You don't want your kids to grow up with a negative feelings about sex.
Haha, this is very true.
First, i love this board because you are all mature and willing to share and listen to varied, intelligent ideas. Kudos!
I did not watch the show, but do still want to share my two cents.
I agree that it is most appropriate for adults, but it is also perfectly natural for younger people (male or female) to engage in self-stimulation.
I strongly disagree, though, that it is something that should be discouraged. Discouraging masterbation can be detrimental to a girl's self image, because she is made to feel ashame for desiring or engaging in the activity. It can also lead to an unhealthy concept of sex. Instead of viewing sex as a mutually enjoyable activity between committed adults, it becomes something taboo and to be ashamed of (or sought, in cases of rebellion), and negates the value of a woman's role and personal prerogative in sex (it is to be enjoyed by the man and not the woman; it is to be initiated by the man; etc.), as has been the case until recently.
Ok am I the only one that DID not touch herself for pleasure in elementary or Jr high???
I'm so tired of "experts" and celebs talking about empowering women and their sexuality. I think that is sooo dangerous. We do not have to engage in sex acts on ourselves and others to be strong women ... that lady made a few comments about that and it made me sick.
What happened to the goal of waiting til marriage?
My guess is that part of the fundamental difference in opinions here is religion. ?Personally, I never had the goal (nor did my parents have it for me) of waiting until marriage. ?Instead my thoughts about losing my virginity included waiting until I actually felt ready (not pressured) and was in a long term relationship with someone that I loved. ?(To be fair, my parents still weren't thrilled about it then - he was 4 years older than me and they didn't really like him.) ?But regardless of the fact that I discovered masturbation long before I was 14, I didn't have sex until well after turning 17. ?And not for lack of opportunity. ?It was my own choice and I was proud to make it.
I wholeheartedly agree with CDMay - I too think it's dangerous to discourage masturbation. ?It is completely natural and should be explained as such, or kids could easily develop totally unhealthy ideas about what sex is or isn't. ?We shouldn't let (or make, for that matter) anyone feel ashamed for having natural urges and feelings.
I certainly don't think that a requirement of being a strong woman is being very sexual, but I do think that it necessitates confidence, self-awareness and acceptance, and having all the appropriate information. ?Keeping kids in the dark about this stuff (or worse, making them feel bad about it) can only lead, I think, to maladjustment and confusion.
Again, I think actually buying a vibrator for your daughter is taking it too far. ?But the conversation is an important one and I hope that I can be open and honest enough with my daughter to talk about this stuff without too much embarrassment.
Bio & Blog | The Chic Bambino | Bumps & Babies Fair
I do think there are lots of ways to teach a child to honor their body and have a healthy concept of sex without going as far as the therapist recommended.
No, you're not the only one that didn't touch herself in elementary or Jr high. And, it's not something I'm embarrassed about as an adult, I have a healthy concept of sex and masturabation. It didn't occur to me at that age, honestly.
All I'm going to say is, I will NOT be introducing my daughter to a vibrator. Will she have an understanding of what it is? Sure, but introducing as an option for her is just ridiculous to me. Then again, I strongly caution folks not to be taking parenting tips from the Oprah Winfrey show. No track record there....sorry.
Sometimes I wish she would just stick to the basics.