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How should I handle this? RE: Shower LONG

StefanieprStefaniepr member
in 3rd Trimester

I have a "friend" at work who I was kind of close with about a year and a half ago.  She was going through a really rough time, and I helped her get out of a physically and emotionally abusive marriage - to cut a long story short - I was on the phone with her when her husband arrived home and literally kicked their front door in - I called the cops, he was arrested and charged - they're no longer together.

Anyway - since then she has changed a lot as a person and has become very rude to collegues, is currently dating a married man (who has 2 children under 4), has bad work ethic and will stab someone in the back if it means getting ahead.  I've tried to distance myself from her and do my best to limit my contact with her at work and in my personal life. 

That being said, because I was involved in such a huge part of her life, she still considers me to be a friend of hers.  She is excited about my pregnancy and comes by my office to chat whenever she can.  I'm pleasant to her, but don't agree with her life choices and have tried to distance myself as much as possible. 

Fast forward to today - she asked me when my shower was scheduled for and then said "I'm invited right?!".  Ummm...invitations have already gone out and no, I didn't invite her.  I can't use the "it's only close friends and family" excuse, because she considers herself to be a friend of mine, and I'm also inviting one other girl from work (who happens to be on maternity leave right now).

How do I get out of this one?

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Re: How should I handle this? RE: Shower LONG

  • katekirschnerkatekirschner member
    you could tell her you don't know when your shower is b/c it is going to be a surprise? does she know the one other girl who's on leave is going? ?if she?doesn't?know that girl is going, you could also just say it's a small family thing that you haven't had much input on?
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  • manda_mullinsmanda_mullins member

    Oooo that's a tricky situation!

    ?

    I've really got nothing here....?

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  • DonnysBride09DonnysBride09

    shes an adult.

    id tell her that you dont agree with her life choices and you feel that you are distant now-a-days, and youre sorry but shes not invited.

    dont lie- im sure itll come out one day and youll look foolish.

    good luck

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  • KtindallKtindall
    I would say that since you are not planning it you have no idea when your shower is and who is invited Or just dont respond back to her about it.
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  • schmaprilschmapril

    imagekatekirschner:
    you could tell her you don't know when your shower is b/c it is going to be a surprise? does she know the one other girl who's on leave is going?  if she doesn't know that girl is going, you could also just say it's a small family thing that you haven't had much input on?

    I agree with this!!

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  • StefanieprStefaniepr member
    imageshawnakress:

    shes an adult.

    id tell her that you dont agree with her life choices and you feel that you are distant now-a-days, and youre sorry but shes not invited.

    dont lie- im sure itll come out one day and youll look foolish.

    good luck

    I thought about this.  The problem is that my friends have always said they don't want to tell me things because I'm too judgemental.  It's something I've really been trying to work on lately.  When she originally told me about the married guy, I sat her down and said "I'm really happy that you're away from (ex-hubby) and that you're finally happy in your life.  But, I really don't agree with your new relationship and I can't hear about it.  It's against everything I believe it and I'm sorry, but I can't hear about the details." 

    I'm afraid I'll hurt her if I tell her what I really think of her.  The truth hurts I know, but I don't know if I've got the guts to do it.

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  • PeskyPesky member

    imageKtindall:
    I would say that since you are not planning it you have no idea when your shower is and who is invited Or just dont respond back to her about it.

    I agree with this one.  Just say you gave a list of potential invitees but it was lengthy and you're not sure the what, whens, wheres or whatever and who was decided to be invited, just family or friends or work folks or all of the above.  That you're just looking forward to the shower, whenever or whatever.  then change the subject.   


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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