- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Austin Babies
Thoughts on miscarriage from work (warning, may be gross/sad)
Miscarriages in the ER are common. Occasionally the mother has brought in whatever "tissue" she has passed in a container or even just her panties in a bag... not able to bear the thought of looking inside. It's a combination of disgust and fear. For us, it's an opportunity to gently transfer what comes in to a container for lab to look at - to possibly offer some hope of an explaination. We do this respectfully but also with great curiousity for how beautiful and perfect early life is and is the baby consistant with dates etc. Usually, only placental tissue is identifiable but what a cool organ it is!
I really wished the last patient I had who miscarried at 12 weeks could have seen how perfectly formed her son was. Her husband kept trying to make her feel better by saying the usual "if there's something wrong than it's better this way". Upon close inspection, he did have 6 fingers on each delicate hand. Otherwise, he had a narrow face with sharp features, like his mother. Long legs like his daddy. Some women do look or ask and we'll tell them as much as they want to know. We'll even let them hold the baby if they so desire. It's much more common after 14+ weeks than earlier but the entire experience can be too painful no matter what the age. In general 20+ weeks goes to L&D and I do not envy those nurses.
Everytime I hear how far along someone is, I visualize the life inside them and it never ceases to amaze me. How we ALL started that way. We all gestated inside another person, depending on our birth mother. Above the other lost pregnancies, we survived and how special that makes us. Pregnancy itself is a wonder. Life is a miracle. And as I tenderly take what is so oddly called "products of conception" to the lab, I pray the mother finds peace and this little body has a soul yet to be born to her. Because that's how I feel about my miscarriages and life. I don't believe I have three babies waiting for me in heaven. I feel each pregnancy is a soul still trying to make it's way into my life. I hope this one plans on staying for me to meet them 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thoughts on miscarriage from work (warning, may be gross/sad)
Reading this just amazes me that you can deal with this stuff everyday and still remain...happy, I guess. Still hopeful about life and seeing the good in the world.
I know a woman - can't bear to call her a friend - who is a respiratory therapist in a NICU. She is so cynical and just mean about the babies she treats and the parents she deals with. I tried to sympathize with her and think it was just part of the job....but you've convinced me that she is just a b!tch.
I know, not where you were going at ALL with this post. Its just what popped in my head
Man, you totally just made me cry.
Those mama's are lucky to have someone as sensitive and caring as you to tend to them.
First of all, more and more sticky dust to you.
Second, I KNOW y'all are busy there. BUT, you may want to keep the NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) website/ some phone numbers available for those 14+ weekers. Professional photographers (who have volunteered their time/ talent) will come out to do pictures of the tiny one. For some, it might seem grotesque, but for a grieving family it might be welcome.
***NOTE: The NILMDTS website says that they will do photos for 25+ weeks, but I know I have seen waaaay younger than that. Might be worth a call to the area coordinator.
More info here: https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/
Taytee, you put this very well. ?And it's interesting to hear the perspective of someone on the medical side- I often wondered what happened to my babies after my D&Cs and I hope and pray they were handled by someone who had as much compassion as you do- to see them not just as a medical specimen but someone's lost child. ?I'll never forget seeing my first baby on the u/s screen when I was 11 weeks along and having my missed m/c confirmed by a specialist. ?The baby was so human- arms, legs, a face. ?Seeing that was devastating at the time but in retrospect I'm so glad I had the opportunity to SEE my baby, assign an identity- someone specific to grieve. ?It's still very sad to me that the "identity" was a still image on an u/s screen, and even more so now that I have Anderson and TRULY understand what I lost out on those first two times, what a miracle a baby is.
And you're so right- it's AMAZING that we all start that way. ?I've got u/s pictures of Anderson at 6w, 7w, 8w, etc....a few from every week of my pregnancy up until week 12. ?I look at those and am so in awe that that teeny tiny little "thing" became our son- THE most amazing part of our world.?
?I'm rambling here (as I tend to do around this topic) and near tears, but I just wanted to say this was a very good post and I'm glad you shared. ?I've been thinking of you. ?Hope you're hanging in there in these tough weeks. ?Lots of hugs.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
wow... that is so beautifully emotional--you are truly a gifted writer...
May your baby stick, stick, stick!!
Oh Taytee, that was .... so many things from beautiful to heartbreaking to fascinating. It's so warming to know there are people like you out there who care so much. I spent some time in a hospital last week with DH's grandmother and I did wonder if the nurses who appeared to care so much really felt that strongly about each patient, and you have completely just confirmed that there are still loving people like you out there.
Lots and lots of sticky baby dust to you.
I get the tissue, forming stages, scientific aspect, but I was so touched that in the first paragraph, you identified these scenarios as life and a baby. I know that not everyone holds the same view when we're talking about earlier in the pregnancy, but if I were ever in those shoes, I would want someone to see my loss as a baby.
One of the things I've learned in life is that people really want to relate to someone who has been through what they have and can only offer the understanding and insight of someone who has been there. So while I think your losses are tragic, it is inspiring to see how you use them to relate to your patients. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and am also glad for those whom you serve that you bring that emotional, human element to your job.
How touching your comments are... and the responses, they've all caused tears to form in my eyes.
Best wishes and sticky baby dust to you.
Loss at 15wks - Dec 2010 and 5.5wks - Sept 2011
My little ballerina - thanks Life in Motion Photography!
Kennedy Clover 7.14.08, Atalie Ryan 1.25.10
I reviewed the website recently when I was caring for the family of a 14 week stillborn (or fetal demise). I made sure ask the House Supervisor if we had contacts with NILMDTS and she confirmed for me that RRMC does and has used them on many occasions with beautiful results. The family at the time didn't want the service but did welcome using the disposable camera provided in our "Perinatal loss kit" which also includes a Certificate of Birth (of sorts) and materials to take footprints and things like that. In case anyone is wondering, patients are just advised to let the processing facility of their choice know what is on the camera so they can deal with it accordingly.
I love their photography and if anyone was looking for an organization to contribute to in honor of a family or friend who has lost a baby during pregnancy - that would be an idea.