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WWYD?

Flem052204Flem052204
in Parenting

A close friend died this morning.  DH would like to attend the funeral this weekend.  It is a 10 hour drive--flying is not an option--I checked and it is much more than we can afford right now.

If DH goes, he will have to leave immediately after the funeral and drive all night in order to get back for our son's baptism on Sunday morning.

I offered to postpone the baptism since this is important to DH.  (He's been friends with this woman and her DH since they were all in Kindergarten together.)

DH said the baptism has to happen this weekend.  (We have OOT family who are already here for the baptism--they came for Easter and stayed a week extra for us.  However, they come to town 2-3 times a year, so we could just reschedule for their next visit.)

I think DH needs to pick one or the other and I am fine with either.  The logistics are just not in our favor for DH to do both.  He would be cutting it too close if he insists on driving all night to get back for the baptism.  If he does make it back, he will be exhausted.  I am embarressed to admit that when my DH is tired, he acts like most of the children we write about on this board--he is a whiney, cranky mess and doesn't seem to believe he will need to put on a happy face for the guests at our baptism.  I can guarantee his demeanor/behavior will be an embarrassment if he is exhausted at the post baptism party.

I think if DH wants the baptism this weekend, then his comitment should be to his family--no funeral.  DH thinks it's fine to do both the funeral and the baptism.  (although it will be half-assed for both.)

WWYD in this situation?  If it makes a difference, we saw our friends at Christmas and we knew it would be the last time we saw the wife--we already had a very tearful goodbye and expressed to her how much she meant to us.

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Re: WWYD?

  • pookie2005pookie2005
    I say your dh is the one doing the driving so it should be up to him.  I think it's unfair to say that he should pick one or the other when HE wants to do both.  His heart is probably heavy from the loss of his friend...don't make it harder.
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  • WhiteOrchid.WhiteOrchid.

    With a close friend, I would have him attend the funeral and postpone the baptism. I'm sure your family will understand. It's not like you can plan for things like this.

    I'm so sorry that you lost your friend. 

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  • Jen2124Jen2124
    That is tough. He might regret not going to the funeral. I would prob let him go...and if you can't postpone the baptism, have him do both half assed. I know that isnt' what you want to hear, but I think expecting him to skip a funeral of a lifelong friend might be a lot to ask (IF he really wants to go).
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  • brightningbrightning member
    Is it an all an option for him to only participate in the actual baptism part of the event, and skip the after-party, etc?
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  • xbrooklyngrlxbrooklyngrl

    Don't make him choose. I'm sure this is hard enough. If he thinks he can do both, let him do both and let him be cranky. You all will be ok.

    Sorry for your loss!

    image
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  • AnneUCSBAnneUCSB member
    imagexbrooklyngrl:

    Don't make him choose. I'm sure this is hard enough. If he thinks he can do both, let him do both and let him be cranky. You all will be ok.

    Sorry for your loss!

    Ditto this.  I am sorry for your loss.

    image
    Ryan 5/2010, Kyle 1/2007, Eric 3/2005
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  • femmegemfemmegem member

    imagepookie2005:
    I say your dh is the one doing the driving so it should be up to him.  I think it's unfair to say that he should pick one or the other when HE wants to do both.  His heart is probably heavy from the loss of his friend...don't make it harder.

    Ditto this. Every word. These are both very important events to your DH. Let him do what he needs to do.

    imageimage
    Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
    "Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
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  • AZ_EricaAZ_Erica member
    I think I agree with you.  He needs to pick one or the other whichever it may be.  I think it's great that you are willing to postpone the baptism since this funeral means so much to him.  But to me it seems like to much for one weekend.  Although, it would be my DH's idea to drive all night as well.  Luckily he can function on no sleep.
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  • gibsgibs
    Your DH is being totally reasonable. ?You should not cancel the baptism after some of your guests came and stayed an extra week in your town just for that reason. ?Sounds to me you are being childish, not your husband. ?Tell him to go, give him a hug, and tell him to drive safe on the way home. ?Let him be a man. ?Stop whining.
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  • hopefulmomhopefulmom member

    Unless he's like 70 years old I don't see a problem with him driving directly home after the funeral.  If it is at all possible for him to go down early so he can catch a nap (even in the car) before the funeral.  Just make him promise that if he gets really tired driving back he will pull into a rest area and sleep.  Cell phones have alarms on them these days.  Is it possible he can ask a friend to go with him (or family member).  That way they could share the dirving?

    I would certainly not ask him to choose his family over his friend's funeral.  It might come back to bite you in the butt!

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