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TTC...oh wait "DH and I are splitting up"

vshadd00vshadd00 member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
I have seen this on GP and on BOTB. I know that TTC can be stressful but is anyone else disturbed and confused by this?? I feel really bad for these women...I think.
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Re: TTC...oh wait "DH and I are splitting up"

  • bbjoysbbjoys
    What?
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  • bannedmonkeybannedmonkey
    I'm definitely not disturbed. I refuse to judge women that go from TTC to breaking up. Maybe it helps put things in persepective.
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  • AJflowersAJflowers member

    Hahaha.  I know TTC can be stressful, but if someone is seriously splitting up, I think there MUST be other contributing factors.

    And ditto the no judging...though, some women get flamed when they are talking on here when they should be talking to DH.  I think it all depends on the context and content of the post(s).

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  • vshadd00vshadd00 member

    It is just so sad to see this. I mean wow, its heart breaking.

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  • bbjoysbbjoys

    Oh sorry, I get it now.

    I agree with Monkey.  Maybe the TTC journey has made them realize some things that were already lurking.  

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  • sstar1308sstar1308
    This is a little odd. There must be more problems in there relationship but then it brings you to why would they be ttc if they had problems??
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  • MSC03MSC03 member
    Having the strength to walk away from something that is not good--at any stage--is a good thing. At least it's before they bring kids into the world and then figure out it's wrong.
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  • edimleredimler

    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    Having the strength to walk away from something that is not good--at any stage--is a good thing. At least it's before they bring kids into the world and then figure out it's wrong.

    ditto.

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  • vshadd00vshadd00 member

    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    Having the strength to walk away from something that is not good--at any stage--is a good thing. At least it's before they bring kids into the world and then figure out it's wrong.

     

    This is so true. Yes

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  • ZAngelZAngel member

    I knew a couple who were considering divorce but thinking about having children instead.  In this situation, it is hard not to judge.  I told them time and time again that children will not fix a marriage.  In fact, the added stress will most likely make a failing marriage worse.  I know they were trying to fill a void but that's definitely not the way to do it and will only hurt the child in the end. 


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  • jennifer_h_rnjennifer_h_rn member
    It's not nearly the same as a marriage falling apart, but I can empathize a little.  I was with my high school boyfriend for NINE years.  Every now and then over those years we would talk about getting married, but we were young and didn't rush it.  The relationship wasn't good, and a big part of the reason we stayed together was that we didn't want to give up.  I grew up a lot more than he did in the last few years of that relationship, and by the last one I knew I was ready for marriage and kids.  Then you know what happened?  Something clicked and I left him!  The more mature part of me woke up and realized he was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I didn't want HIM to be the role model and father of my future children.  I am so glad I made that decision, and so grateful I made it before there were children involved.  I can't judge those women, either.
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  • Mrs. BZMrs. BZ
    I wouldn't judge. It's probably for the better that people break up or try to work things out before they bring a child into this world.
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  • AJflowersAJflowers member
    imageZAngel:

    I knew a couple who were considering divorce but thinking about having children instead.  In this situation, it is hard not to judge.  I told them time and time again that children will not fix a marriage.  In fact, the added stress will most likely make a failing marriage worse.  I know they were trying to fill a void but that's definitely not the way to do it and will only hurt the child in the end. 


    I've seen this too...my friends much younger brother was a "patch."  He's obviously a blessing, but it didn't "fix" the marriage.  Her dad a mom divorced and he moved in w/the woman he's been cheating on her mom with the whole time...(8y later "dad" got re-married to the gf).  The mom talks sh!t to my friend and her lil' brother asking them to hate the gf for her.  I admit, I judged her for that.

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  • hjk5000hjk5000 member
    It is sad, but I know many couples IRL that have made the split after TTC or having children.  Some thought a baby would be their band aid that fixed things, some walked away when they realized that's why they were really TTC.
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  • MSC03MSC03 member
    imageZAngel:

    I knew a couple who were considering divorce but thinking about having children instead.  In this situation, it is hard not to judge.  I told them time and time again that children will not fix a marriage.  In fact, the added stress will most likely make a failing marriage worse.  I know they were trying to fill a void but that's definitely not the way to do it and will only hurt the child in the end. 


    Now that makes me put on my Judgey McJudgerson hat. It's backwards. It's one thing to be trying for a baby and realize it's something wrong, but it's quite another to expect a baby (or any other outside influence, for that matter) to fix what's wrong between you and your DH.

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  • ccbananaccbanana member
    I think sometimes people start TTC in hopes that it might make their relationship better.  A bandaid, if you will.  I tend to think there must have been issues pre-ttc.
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  • futurebabymamafuturebabymama

    As a family law attorney, I see a lot of people who thought kids would fix the marriage. However, I have also seen two types of situations on the boards: those who are wonderful ladies and have made a tough decision to split from their husband and those who are drama filled and the marriage is over for the weirdest things. We dearly miss the first category and love it when they pop back in to say hi. The second, not so much!

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  • mooetamooeta member
    I think sometimes you don't recognize the problems you have until you are planning to bring an innocent life into it.  Then they realize what they will and won't do and if it is the appropriate situation in which to bring a child. 
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  • SFNewzGirlSFNewzGirl

    It's truly sad but those that choose to part ways are probably making the right decision. Children, even the anticipation, put a lot of things into perspective. It really did for DH, which is part of the reason we waited a while to TTC. He had a lot of personal things he had to work through before he could be a dad.

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