In a weird place

lolalillie · April 2009

I am not sure where to begin or what I hope to gain by creating this post, so I am sorry if I begin to ramble

Last week, we found out that we got pregnant on our own! We had to do IVF with our son since I have PCOS (or thin PCOS) and DH has slight morph issues. Almost 36 hours later I realized that I was miscarrying. This miscarriage marks our third one. Our first happened quickly as well, our second was DS's twin and this one was our third. I am not sure how I feel, to be honest. I am just a mix of emotions. I am shocked and happy that we did it on our own but I am so sad that we lost our baby

I decided to try and get a RPL through my OB's office since insurance would cover it through my RE. The appt I had yesterday was a nightmare! My OB and I have never really gotten along. He never diagnosed me as having PCOS and yet put me on Clomid and Met. He did a lap and d&c prior to us ttc due to issues with cysts and told me that I would be fine. I really think that he thinks I like dealing with IF and that I am making it up. He says that the m/c's are due to a bad egg and a bad sperm meeting up. Am I crazy to think that there might be something else wrong? For our IVF we got 26 eggs and only 6 were immature, we transferred two near perfect blasts (we did not have any to freeze). He made me feel crazy for even wanting the RPL. He said that we would do it for peace of mind but that it won't show anything. I just feel like I am being sucked back into the black hole of IF. We want another baby but I do not want to jeopardize any time with DS. I was so sad when we went through IF the first time and feel like I lost two years of my life. I am just trying like hell to make sure that does not happen again. If you have read this far, you are a saint. I really just need to go to my RE and consult with him. Thanks for listening!!!

Home_slice · April 2009

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I would definitely go to the RE and go from there. Last fall I had my 3rd m/c as well, and although my OB was going to do the testing, I just wanted to go back to my RE. He didn't think it would show anything but it turns out I do have a problem with my blood clotting. My mc/s were between weeks 5-7. I'm so happy to be in the care of my RE again, and we're doing Clomid and will move more aggressively in a cuople months if I'm not pg. Anyway, that would be my biggest advice. I could ramble on and on, but won't! Good luck to you!

eyenerd · April 2009

I am so sorry that you are having a tough day and had to endure all of this.

As for the OB, just think of it this way.....You want an OB to deliver your baby, not try and get you pg. You want an RE to try and get you pregnant, but not deliver your baby.

Even though they have studied in the same field, you would be surprised how different their knowledge bases are. I really like my OB, but he really doesn't know alot when it comes to IF. He gave me clomid but after it didn't work he had no problem with sending me to a specialist. After going through all that you have been through, you know too much:) So i don't think you are crazy at all.

I also want another baby badly, and it is hard to stay focused. I actually have a schedule of when i want to do my FET(s) so i do not interfere with DDs birthday or xmas....because I want to be totally focused on her.

I am also trying to look at the positives of having one child so i don't stress out as much. I know that i am in a much better place now that i have one. I also try to stay positive and think that if I got pg once, it will happen again.

Take care and don't ever worry about rambling. It comes with the territory:)

waitingforbaby#2 · April 2009

I'm sorry you're having a rough time (hugs)

LilSurferGirl · April 2009

I am so sorry you're having a rough time. I think you are absolutely right to want the RPL. I'm sorry you're OB is not supportive, I would definitely talk to your RE and/or look into a new OB who you get along with better. You shouldn't have to feel like you're struggling with your doctor in addition to IF. It is hard not to think about the depression and difficulty we went through the 1st time around. I definitely worry about being able to handle it again and still give 100% to my boys. As eyenerd said - it is a little easier this time around. We know what to expect and are better prepared for the emotional rollercoaster. We know we need support - to ramble, vent, cry and celebrate along the way. We also have the comfort of holding our little ones at the end of the day and that helps more than anything. We all want to add to our family, and we know it isn't going to be easy, but you are strong and we are here for you when you need us. Good luck with the RPL - I hope it can give you some answers. Let us know how it goes with your RE.

lolalillie · April 2009

I am speechless!!! You ladies are AMAZING!!! I honestly do not know what I would do without you! You are so right, everything you all said is so on point! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I began to doubt myself about so many things after my appt yesterday and it put me into a major funk

Having my sweet little boy to go home to at the end of the day makes it all so totally worth it! He is the reason I want to go back and have another one so soon. We are lucky in the sense that we know what to expect but you are right, it still sucks! Thank you again!!! Your support means the world:)

franciscaz · April 2009

First off I wanted to tell you ((HUGS))!!! I would be in a major funk too going through what you have. I think just knowing you have x, y, & z wrong going into it made the 2nd journey easier. Please go see your original RE and talk about your options.

GL and keep up dated Smile

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