Gender disappointed pg friend... :(

Mattersgirl · April 2009

My friend has a son 3 days younger than my DD so we're pretty close except she lives across the country right now.

She's 20 weeks pg and had her big ultrasound today... and it's another boy. She is pissed!!

this is her FB status

"is very disappointed and will not tolerate one more person telling her to get over it"

then she says this as a reply...

"I have every right to be upset, just as I was with (current 1 year old son) . And I will get over it when I am damn well ready"

I am so very upset by this and haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day. I can't imagine feeling that way about a baby at all....

thanks for letting me get this off my chest to other moms. my DH thinks it's sad too, but I haven't been able to share it with other moms

moroccojade · April 2009

This makes me nauseous. Those poor little boys.

newportbride715 · April 2009

I'm sorry, but that's horrible.

I wanted a DS when I was PG but if it had been a girl, there is no way I would have been literally "pissed." She needs to take a look at her life and realize how lucky she is. Talk about immature and selfish.

Brit&Nate · April 2009

Wow. I cannot imagine being outwardly disappointed about the gender of my baby. How about "I'm appreciative that I'm pregnant with a healthy peanut"? I truly feel bad for her if that's how she feels.

cess525 · April 2009

Hopefully she pulls her mind around it soon. My parents had 3 boys before they had me and my babysitters family they didn't have a boy till the last two (child 5 and 6). Its a 50 50 chance I only hope for a healthy happy child boy girl is doesn't matter as long as they are healthy and happy

ougrad1 · April 2009

Though she's disappointed, I'm sure she doesn't and won't love them any less. I'm with you, I couldn't be upset with a healthy baby-boy or girl.

amajane · April 2009

She sounds like a real fukking cvnt. Go ahead and direct towards my blog and she can read about how much fun it has been for me to have a baby girl.

Like I said to Lori about her "friends", bless her for giving you the perfect reason for kicking her a$$ to the curb.?

franciscaz · April 2009

Part of me really understands! I have a SIL w/3 young sons... she has always dreamed of a girl and her big u/s for her last child is tomorrow. I know it will break her heart. I don't blame people in situations like that at all. Heck, I will go out and adopt a little girl if I don't have one. It is an experience I myself desire to have (I'm planning on adopting anyway).

BUT there is a point after a couple of days you just have to suck it up and get over it!!! I have a wonderful son and if I have two more wonderful sons, it will be a blessing!!!! If you are too self-centered to realize your blessings, well... you do a disservice to your child and yourself!

Mattersgirl · April 2009

yeah I'll tell you DH and I were super superstitious about trying for #2. We went by the Chinese Gender Predicting chart to conceive... that being said we want a boy because we have a girl already, but we haven't put the thought of #2 being a girl out of our heads at all!!

I can't imagine feeling a baby kick and move inside and at the same time resenting it for have the 'wrong' genitals it truly breaks my heart.

trizzie · April 2009

I find it heartbreaking that she has a son already and can't be happy/excited about another. I do get feeling sadness that it isn't a girl. I won't lie - when I found out I was having a boy, part of me was sad that it wasn't a girl. BUT, all that mattered to me was that he was healthy. Now I can't imagine it any other way - nor would I want it any other way.

mrs.aaguilar · April 2009

Um, WOW!! Who cares if you are having another boy! ?All it matters that he is healthy. ?Is what you should tell her. ?Besides the 2 boys will be best friends. ?Sad that she posted for ?everyone to see how self fish she is being. I would love to have another girl!!?

Mrs.Donkey · April 2009

I can maybe get being inwardly disappointed for a little bit. I know, not the best way to feel about the situation, but it's understandable. ?What I don't get is the need to broadcast those feelings publicly on FB. ?THAT is fukkking horrible and ridiculous.

LoriFalce · April 2009

Did we want a girl? Yes. Were we disappointed? Maybe for a heartbeat, the span of time it took for us to go "Not a girl? Oh, Wait, we're having a SON! And he's healthy! Score!"

She needs to get over it, and someone might want to give her a snap-the-f#ck-out-of-it slap, because someday, her sons will find out that she was bitter and angry, and it could affect their relationships with her forever.

franciscaz · April 2009

Mrs.Donkey:
I can maybe get being inwardly disappointed for a little bit. I know, not the best way to feel about the situation, but it's understandable. What I don't get is the need to broadcast those feelings publicly on FB. THAT is fukkking horrible and ridiculous.

Yeah, that is what got me about the whole thing too. I really don't see how she can look at her son she has now and be bitter... If the cupcakes are both boys, I will be a touch bummed but than Harm will smile at me and I will want 5 more!

Mama Jan · April 2009

I would be very, very sad and upset if I read that on a friend's status. It's very... selfish. And completely not maternal. I can't even fathom it.

I actually had people suggest to me that it's ok to be disappointed that I'm having another boy - but that never once crossed my mind. I love my boys to pieces and would not be upset to have a houseful of crazy, wild boys.

How are YOU feeling, by the way?

Mattersgirl · April 2009

Mama Jan:
How are YOU feeling, by the way?

I'm feeling so much better!! I can tell 2nd trimester is almost here!!! Thanks! I just wish I would start to look pregnant instead of FAT!! hehe:)

neya28 · April 2009

wow that sucks! I always wanted a little girl and have to admit I was a little disappointed when I found DS was a boy...BUT I wouldn't trade him for all the little girls in the world now. With the next one I would of course like to have one of each but if its another boy I'd be happy too. Don't think I'd ever refer to how I felt then as "pissed". I feel bad for those little guys.

Spin313 · April 2009

Mrs.Donkey:
I can maybe get being inwardly disappointed for a little bit. I know, not the best way to feel about the situation, but it's understandable. What I don't get is the need to broadcast those feelings publicly on FB. THAT is fukkking horrible and ridiculous.

This is exactly what I thought. Right or wrong, she can't help how she feels and people telling her to "get over it" is definitely not going to help, but she doesn't need to post it all over FB and draw more attention to the situation. That's just making her look like a moron.

Temp778367875008010 · April 2009

I was just having a conversation about this the other day with a friend. We had a mutual friend who went through this when she got pg with #3, all boys. She did get over it and loves all her sons. Hopefully your friend will too. That being said, I can't imagine feeling any disappointment with any baby. I know enough people who have gone through serious IF struggles or had a baby with a disability (my own sister included) to know that a healthy pg is a blessing, no matter the gender.

lisa777 · April 2009

I have always dreamed of having a baby girl and I was so convinced I was pg with one but when we found out it was a boy, I was disappointed. In fact, I cried right in front of the ultrasound technician and I felt awful for crying but I was truly disappointed. I can understand feeling that way to a point though. I was over the fact that I wasn't having a girl like the next day and now looking back I wouldn't have it any other way. I still feel guilty about feeling the way I did. Your friend is being immature and she should be happy with what God gives her.

lvisser · April 2009

That is so sad, and I would tell her to get over it.

lvisser · April 2009

Mama Jan:

I actually had people suggest to me that it's ok to be disappointed that I'm having another boy - but that never once crossed my mind. I love my boys to pieces and would not be upset to have a houseful of crazy, wild boys.

Interesting that you say that cause just yesterday my Doctor said to me "Well, that takes the pressure off of the next baby" in regards to us now having one of each... hmmm....

bunny731 · April 2009

She found out yesterday.

Of course, healthy is most important. But give the lady a break- disappointment is natural when you have a vision of something else.Telling someone 'to get over it' the day she found out is insensitive. And she is right-her dissapointment will pass when she has had time to process, or maybe sleep on it, or maybe once a friend listens without judging. Brief disappointment has no bearing on how loving she will be as a mother to her sons.

mattnlinz03 · April 2009

I agree with francisca on this. Part of me can understand where she is coming from, but to put it on FB like that is horrible. Both DH and I both wanted a boy first. I thought for sure that I was having a girl to the point that I was crying in the waiting room for our U/S. Now that we have DS we both really want a girl next.

I was/am not close to my mother at all and now that I am a mother I really want to have a mother daughter relationship. I dream of having a daughter and being the mother to her that I always wanted. That being said if we have a boy next I will still be over the moon with happiness. Will I be disappointed? Yeah a little but a happy healthy baby is more important to me than the sex.

Temp174496125006552 · April 2009

That's horrible. She should think of the millions of women who struggle with fertility issues and thank her lucky stars that she was able to get pregnant.

If you really had your heart set on one gender, I can understand being dissapointed in the moment of finding out, but to post on FB that you're 'pissed' and still be harping on it?! Grow up.

kirbabe · April 2009

You know, I used to think I would be disappointed if I never had a girl, but after having my boy, I wouldn't mind having another boy! I surprised myself when I came to my realization. I just love my boy so much, how could having more be a bad thing? I was so sure when I was pg it was a girl, people thought I would be disappointed, but that wasn't the case at all. I just wanted a baby! I was thrilled to have a happy, healthy baby boy!

I do have a little tug of yearning when I see the cute girl clothes in the stores. . .

violetblue72 · April 2009

I was just happy to be able to have a child when we got pregnant and so happy he was healthy when he was born that I can't understand the concept. I'd give anyone a bit of disappointment because that's just being honest with yourself if you feel that way but to be so upset makes me wonder if she's mature enough to even have children in the first place.

It isn't just about dressing up girls in cute little outfits and going shopping or taking boys to play baseball. Hopefully she gets over it and appreciates the fact that she is lucky enough to have a child who is hopefully healthy ... that's infinitely more important than anything else.

LDQAM516 · April 2009

Sounds pretty selfish to me. There are millions of women out there that can not conceive and will never have a biological child. Things like this really get under my skin...if she only knew how lucky she is!

Alexandra*sMom · April 2009

This is exactly why we haven't and won't find out baby's gender prior to birth. We would probably be disappointed if we knew we were having another girl. At birth, you are just happy to have a baby.

I understand her feelings, though I think it is juvenille to post it publically like that.

Rah · April 2009

LoriFalce:

Did we want a girl? Yes. Were we disappointed? Maybe for a heartbeat, the span of time it took for us to go "Not a girl? Oh, Wait, we're having a SON! And he's healthy! Score!"

She needs to get over it, and someone might want to give her a snap-the-f#ck-out-of-it slap, because someday, her sons will find out that she was bitter and angry, and it could affect their relationships with her forever.

Exactly!

And to be so frickin' public about it. She's not even thinking that one day her sons will be old enough to realize that she wanted girls. I want a girl next but I will LOVE another boy. She needs to grow up and I would nicely respond to her status to count her blessings.

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Gender disappointed pg friend... :(

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