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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Help! WDYD re: boundaries and exploration?
I will try and make this short. I really don't know what I should be doing with my DS and I am afraid I walking on a fine line between letting him explore and have too little boundaries. Like most 13 month olds, he is all over the place, crawling, pulling up, and cruising everywhere. Not walking yet, but extremely mobile. He has no desire to sit in the family room and play with his toys anymore, and instead would rather climb the stairs all day, explore the "safe" cabinets and drawers, crawl from bedroom to bedroom, etc.
We have certain drawers and cabinets he can play with and empty, and I usually don't mind if he plays with the blinds, bangs on the windows, etc. The things that are definitely "no touch" are the dog bowls, glass wine rack, stove knobs, and fireplace.
On one hand, I think I should have the right as a parent to sit him in the family room, put a gate up, and not let him explore while I sit there with him and fold laundry or something while he has no other choice but to play with his toys. On the other hand, I feel like I am inhibiting him.
Also, what do you do at other people's houses or in public places? Like, if you are at your parents do you let your child explore from room to room or do you try and keep them to one area.
What would you do at something like storytime, specifically. I took DS this morning to a storytime that is primarily singing with two short stories. Most of the other kids all sit in their paren'ts lap, but not DS. He wants to crawl over to the other babies and touch them, crawl over to the radiators and run his fingers along the vent to hear the fun noise, pull himself up on the glass windows to see his reflection and bang his hands, pull up on the shelves to take a book off, etc. If I try to get him to sit with me he arches his back in protest and tries to squirm away. He is all over the place. Is this normal, do I let him explore in an open environment like that or do I try and make him stay on my lap?
Ahhh. . . I don't know if this is all normal or I am on the way to spoiling my kid and having him become a brat (which he definitely is not now, he is super sweet, but I don't want to head to that direction).
thanks!
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Re: Help! WDYD re: boundaries and exploration?
Good question!
Sounds a lot like my DS, and he just started walking last week, so it's already getting worse. We actually have a Superyard in the basement, blocking off a whole play area. He'll play in it fine, but sometimes he really wants "out of jail" and has started throwing tantrums about it. We try to balance both, so he doesn't feel always confined, but we also don't spend every minute chasing him around the house.
As for a playgroup, I think if he is crawling around and happy and quiet, that's better than a tantrum in your lap! Some things I was recently reading about tantrums is they aren't being "bad", they are just frustrated and don't know how to express it. You have to judge when to give in, based on how dangerous, appropriate, etc. So ask yourself, is it hurting anyone to give him what he wants? If not, let him go.
I am a FT WAHM and so these are my tricks. If he is in his pen (I have a huge activity center, he has plenty of toys to play with) and I only do it for a brief amount of time 30 mins at a time and maybe only 2 or 3 times a day. I have him wander, explore and play most of his waking time. We also have at least an hour and a half of Mommy & Me time each day (15 mins here... another 15 there... etc). We do reading time, drawing, playing w/trucks, etc. I think it is important to balance exploration, toy time, and interactive time.
The other thing is that Harmon sometimes does get stuck going to work meetings and of course Church on Sunday. Those he stays in his stroller and eats his fruit snacks and drinks from his sippy. I limit that time as much as possible.
At the Grandma's each has a childproofed home (I did my parents myself) and so we let him play. It just wouldn't be fair to ask Harm to spend 2-3 hours and not be able to explore and play. If I go to a friends house I contain him but I don't stay long. Again, to me it isn't fair!
We're in the same stage as you are... I'm all for letting him explore. We've gated off our kitchen for now and I'm lucky enough to have doors at both of our staircases so I can just shut those. I have a PNP that I never use unless I need to run downstairs to get laundry, go to the bathroom. If I'm in the room he'll pretty much hang in the same room as me so we'll just mix it up from day to day so we're not always hanging out in the living room.
As far as storytime, same thing. I'm all for letting him go. It's probably just really hard for him to sit still with so much to explore. When I'm at storytime and other kids are all over the place, it doesn't bother me. Seriously, if anyone would have an issue with that then they need to wait until their child gets to that stage.
I definitely think there's a difference between exploration and letting your kid go wild. It sounds like your little guy is just checking things out...
The answer is every parent and every child is different. DD has similar boundaries as your DS, she is allowed to be by herself in her playroom (its all kid friendly and its right next to the computer room which we can see her while we work). She explores the bedrooms that we allow (she's not allowed into the craft room) and she is allowed to open her cabnet. She has the no-no areas and knows the fireplace and trashcans are not ok to play with along with a few other places. That being said we do at times close off the steps so she can't go upstairs (we have to use a table on its side since no gate can keep her back) and make her stay in the room with us. She has learned over time that she may explore the room but no leave and has gotten used to it.
How she would do in a room like story time at the library has yet to be seen but usually in public she doesn't venture as much and stays close to me.
I can only think that your DS is more like my brother in that he is adventurous and needs to explore some kids just don't want to be kept down. Is that bad, I say for now no, its how he is learning. When he is 2 almost 3 and can't sit still for a book yeah something might need to be done. But for now I say let him explore:P
He doesn't sound like a brat to me, he sounds like a 13 month old. With our house, it's just not practical for him to have free reign. We have a one-bedroom apartment, so the door that goes into the pass-through to the laundry room and bathroom are kept closed and we put up a gate to our bedroom.
DS doesn't sit still for storytime either. He's just too busy. When he starts getting wiggly, we walk around for a little bit and come back. (I'm almost certain that if you really watch the other kids and their mommies, most of them are pretty darn wiggly, too.)
DS is pretty shy of his surroundings when we go visiting, so he usually doesn't try to go exploring. Your little guy sounds pretty confident.
Two things that you might want to try to keep his interest in the areas you want him to stay in are: 1. Switching out toys and 2. Changing around the furniture often.
At home, she has free reign in the living room and her room, but only in other rooms if we are in there. We close off our bed/bath, her bath, and our office, and she only goes in there with us. The kitchen is usually open, but we make sure she's not in there along (we have to leave it open for cat box in laundry area). We have removed or babyproofed things we don't want her to touch (stove knobs, drawers, etc.) She knows she is not allowed to do certain things (climb on tables, touch trash, etc.) and that she will receive a hand-holding time-out when she does so (which is rare).
We have been going to a playgroup with a music/story circle time, and she did the same thing your ds does-wants to be up, not in the circle, until the last time. Then she sat the whole time and participated during the songs. I think it just takes them some time to get used to it. I would just keep him quiet and safe, keep taking him to storytime, and keep taking him back to the circle occasionally so he gets the idea.
At other people's homes, she stays with me; she's not allowed to wander. I think it's rude to let her do so. I always take her fave books and some snacks to keep her occupied. I also try to go to the park either before or after, and so she knows that she gets to do something she enjoys, too.