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Uninterested Husband

Jessie_dc22Jessie_dc22
in 2nd Trimester

So....my husband is quite uninterested in my pregnancy.  At the begining I thought it was just because he didn't really have a way to relate.  I was told he'd probably come around at our "Big" Ultrasound.  No change.  Now I can feel the baby kicking on the outside and I want to share it with him but he finds it gross.  He doesn't fine me gross.  Or the baby gross.  He just thinks that something squirming and living inside me is gross.  He also doesn't want anything to do with the actual birth (no holding a leg, watching, etc.)  He's made it perfectly clear he's only going to be there to support me -- but he'd rather be at the bar waiting for the call.  I guess he has no desire to witness his wife's vagina turning inside out.  Stick out tongue

This is a planned pregnancy, and we waited 2 years after we got married to begin trying, so it's not the surprise factor.  And he'll make a great father -- I've known this about him for 11 years.  He's just NOT interested in the pregnancy.  Anyone else have this problem?  Sometimes I feel like I have no one to share the exciting mile stones with since he's so grossed out. 

 P.S. We do still have a sex life though. He's not THAT grossed out apparently! LOL

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Re: Uninterested Husband

  • Kmills678Kmills678
    imageJessie_dc22:

    ?P.S. We do still have a sex life though. He's not THAT grossed out apparently!?LOL

    ?

    Haha

    isn't it amazing how that dosen't change for him

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  • Apple TimeApple Time
    I think it's sometimes strange when men are too involved and interested in pregnancy.  I think your DH is being honest and will be an amazing father when the baby is here.  My DH isn't too excited about the actual birth either, but I know he'll be there for me & baby.  I think it's natural.  Men handle pregnancies wayy different (sorry for the obvious). 
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  • AMYfromKYAMYfromKY member

    My guess...he's terrified!! My DH said he wasn't going to even be in the delivery room.  That was, until he saw the baby on our u/s and now he is more involved, but still scared to death. 

    I honestly only want DH to be there to support me.  I don't want to watch the birth (with a mirror) so I wouldn't make him watch it.  I will let the nurses hold my legs and will have him up by my head...telling me how awesome I am. Stick out tongue 

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  • Aimee&BillAimee&Bill
    My DH felt the same way until he accidentally felt her move for the first time.  Now he talks to her everyday.  I also started writing him notes each week (from her) starting Dear Daddy and basically letting him know what's going on with her.  In a cute dumbed down version for men.  I always sign it in her name with My Hero or Love of my Life, etc.  Cheesy but he does seem to look forward to those.
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  • parsleyqueenparsleyqueen

    I think I would feel really sad and frustrated if my husband was responding to my pregnancy this way.  Sure, there are a lot of aspects of pregnancy that are weird or gross, but come on--if the woman has to experience them first hand, shouldn't the man at least be able to support her through them? 

    You sound like you have a lot of patience and I think your husband is lucky that you are responding to his actions they way you are.  If my husband told me he wanted to go to a bar while I labored and gave birth to OUR child, I would be pretty pissed off.  And it would not make me want to have sex with him.

    I hope he learns to suck it up and play the role of an equal partner in your pregnancy.

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  • mrspink77mrspink77
    Kinda. I know my DH wants to be up at my head during the delivery. He made that very clear for a LONG time now... even before TTC. He isn't into talking to my belly or touching it at all to "bond" but thinks its cool as heck how hard its starting to get. I can't feel the kicks outside yet so not sure how he will react to that. He is super excited about finding out the sex, naming it and was a total chick yesterday picking out the furniture... he wants to change out the hardware on the drawers! lol But thats just him & I love him no matter what of course.
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  • bjbritbjbrit member
    Sometimes I feel like my DH is not interested, and I've actually talked to him about it.  He said that for men, it's hard because you don't change in any way, or feel any of the symptoms of pregnancy.  However, lately, when she kicks, I'll grab his hand and put it on my bump, and he'll feel her kick and get the biggest smile on his face.  We have a first name, but are struggling with a middle name, and every once in awhile, he'll call out of the blue, and say "what about _____ for a middle name."  So I know he's thinking about it and getting excited. 
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  • shareesharee

    You can always share your milestones with us!!

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  • jhelly77jhelly77 member

    Are you married to my husband??

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  • Jessie_dc22Jessie_dc22
    All these responses were really great!  Thanks.  I cried a little when I read them.  It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
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  • Jessie_dc22Jessie_dc22
    imageparsleyqueen:

    I think I would feel really sad and frustrated if my husband was responding to my pregnancy this way.  Sure, there are a lot of aspects of pregnancy that are weird or gross, but come on--if the woman has to experience them first hand, shouldn't the man at least be able to support her through them? 

    You sound like you have a lot of patience and I think your husband is lucky that you are responding to his actions they way you are.  If my husband told me he wanted to go to a bar while I labored and gave birth to OUR child, I would be pretty pissed off.  And it would not make me want to have sex with him.

    I hope he learns to suck it up and play the role of an equal partner in your pregnancy.

     

    Honestly, sometimes I want to scream and slap his face but I've learned over the years that the more I react, sometimes, the more defensive he gets and it gets us no where fast. 

     He's such a great husband in EVERY other way.  He has remodeled our home with my needs in mind, he packs my lunch every day (with sweet notes), he kisses me good-bye every morning before work, he always says how beautiful I am, he's responsible, etc. -- he's just not in to the fact that someone is living inside of me! 

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  • parsleyqueenparsleyqueen
    Well, that's nice that he is doing other things to make things easier for you and to show you that he appreciates you.  I guess everyone reacts to situations differently!  I can appreciate how it is weird for him to think that there is someone living inside you...sometimes I think it is weird that there are babies living inside me too.  Smile
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  • suscqsuscq

    My DH goes back and forth.  Some things he is super interested in, some he could care less.  (Although, I told him he was not allowed below my waist during delivery--I have no desire for him to be down there) 

    Has he been around pg women?  If this is the first pg he's been around, or if he's surrounded by other guys telling him how horrible pg is, then he may be very apprehensive about it or he may not know what the he!! is going on and that may scare him.

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  • mrsdc701mrsdc701

    My husband isn't very interested either. Our pregnancy was a surprise and when I told him the news he just kinda shrugged and said "Now what?" Not exactly the ideal response! He's warmed up to the idea of becoming a father sooner than we planned but he's still not very excited about things.

    Our big ultrasound is this week and he's already told me, "I don't know what all the hype is about. Half the time you can't even tell if you're looking at an arm or a leg. What's the point?" He just wants to know the gender and that we're both healthy.

    I agree, it's extremely frustrating and we've had our fair share of discussions over his lack of excitement for it all. In the end though, he's made it clear that he supports me in the pregnancy and is plenty excited to meet our child, he's just not all that crazy about the actual pregnancy stage. I guess that's all that matters. Plus, I decided it wasn't worth the frustration of it all. Take it easy on him though, he'll be good once the baby is here.

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  • mommabarker09mommabarker09
    My FI has two daughters so he's been through it before... he is supportive and cares about what's going on but he doesn't get excited over the little things like I do, which kinda ruins things for me. I try not to let it show though, I know he's gonna be excited when I go into labor and will be excited about the little things after the baby is born.
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  • KatieTaylor77KatieTaylor77

    He's totally normal and everything is going to be fine.  My DH was really disconnected at first . . . he wasn't happy about having a baby so soon, etc.  After we found out we are having a girl (which he preferred) he really did warm up a bit.  At least he is helping me with choosing baby items, decorating, picking names, etc.  He can't stand the thought of the baby moving and the one time he felt it he FREAKED out!  Its totally ok though.

    I told my own DH that I just want him to do what he is comfortable with, not what he thinks he HAS to do.  I've even given him an out on the delivery . . . if he can't take it, he can leave.  I'm not gonig to force the issue, and I think knowing that I'm comfortable with him being honest and having limits has helped make him relax.

    Its a lot for a man to adjust to, this whole first-time pregnancy thing.  :)  

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