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I don't feel like DS is "attached" to me...

PookLovePookLove
in Working Moms
I know it can be a good thing but because he is around so many different people during the day I don't feel our bond is as strong as it should be...does anyone feel/felt this way? Am i being crazy? Thanks!
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Re: I don't feel like DS is "attached" to me...

  • noonecarewhoiamnoonecarewhoiam

    No, you aren't crazy, but you might be over thinking--and I mean this in the nicest way.

    Does he make eye contact with you when you feed him? Does he show distress when you leave (although he's a little young for seperation anxiety)? Does he show preference for you over others?

    Attachment is both a process AND a 2-way street. Do you feel guilt that makes you overly sensitive? Are you enjoying the time that you do have with him? What do you feel your bond SHOULD be, what is the difference, and is that a realistic view?

    Your baby doesn't have to be velcroed to your side in order to be bonded to you--in fact, security in unfamiliar situations can be indicative of a strong mother-child bond.

    BTW, I'm an adoptive mom who had 2 VERY different bonding experiences with her 2 children, both of whom were older infants at the time of adoption. I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned, but sometime we're our own worst enemies and overanalyize EVERYTHING, based on how we think it "should" be.

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  • carrie4gcarrie4g
    I wouldn't read too much into it. At that age (5 months) of your DS I wasn't seeing much of the "wanting mommy". Now, at 11 months, I get it all the time.  Don't worry about it. Just keep giving him lots of love and kisses when you are with him. He knows who Mommy is and it will change as he grows and develops.
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  • 14years14years

    You aren't being crazy, but you shouldn't worry about it, if it's because he doesn't show a strong preference for you.  At about 5 months, DS didn't express a strong preference for me (or for anyone else).  At about 8 months, he has really started to want me almost all of the time -- he yells when I leave the room and hugs and kisses me more than anyone else.  It's actually kind of nice, since it's not extreme separation anxiety (yet).  I think as your DS gets older, he'll be WAY into mommy.

    If it's not because of that, sit down and think about why you feel that way.  Do you think you don't spend enough time with him?  Are you always busy and running errands when you do?  You can probably make some changes that will alleviate those feelings.

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  • PookLovePookLove
    Thanks girls! You have made me feel soo much better...it is definitely the "preference" issue I am concerned about - from the time I pick him up from daycare (6) til 10 i make it a point to be with him except for that 25 minute baby mozart dvd i throw on to eat my nutrisystem meal and make bottles lol. He just seems impartial to everyone at this point so that's why I was worried - I just want to be "different". I'm sure you all know what I mean...thanks again!!
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  • molldoll71molldoll71
    I think you are overthinking too.  At 5 months they ar eso young - they don't have any long term memory and they haven't really learned to make attachments.  Give it a few months.  Billy was fine with every one until he was about 11 months and then from 11 months to 14 months it was all mommy all the time (to the point of being annoying because even DH wouldn't do).  Seperation anxiety won't even begin to 6 months at the earliest but it is all different ages for different babies.  Don't worry - I am sure you will go through it and then you will wonder why you thought you wanted it. LOL
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  • *speedracer**speedracer* member
    don't worry about it, the attachment will come.  it took us a very long time. 
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  • crysas81crysas81
    My little one couldn't have cared less until about a month or so ago...not at 5 months. 
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  • weemodinweemodin
    My DS was very attached to me from day one.  DD?  Not so much.  In fact, it's only in the last 2-3 weeks that she's become attached to me, and now she cries when I leave the room.
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  • shannmshannm member

    Our DS goes through phases.  He is attached to me now more than ever.  Maybe it is just your LO's age.  I bet he is very attached to you.  But you aren't crazy either!

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