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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Sahm? How much does you husband help out after he gets home?
I just started staying home about 3 weeks ago. Once my husband gets home I would love it if he would help out more. He does a fairly good job but I am the one that always puts my son to bed, feeds him, bath etc. I didnt mind being the one to do it all the time when I was working because I wasnt spending the day with him. Now I would love it if my hubby would help me out more in those areas. What do your husbands do once they get home? Sometimes I feel like he thinks I am a nanny/house maid and I just want to make it more even at night.
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Re: Sahm? How much does you husband help out after he gets home?
DH asks what he can do to help with dinner, but I usually have that under control and just ask him to take over DS-care so I can catch my breath. Sometimes he'll set the table or unload the dishwasher, if DS is content at the time.
He also does the baby's baths and bedtime, most nights. Last night I needed to get some work done (work PT from home) so he changed the laundry and helped fold the stuff that was done.
Start by asking him to do more, but not in a frustrated/nagging way. Once he does a simple thing like set the table, thank him for it. I know WE don't always get thanks for the minor things we do, but guys are wired differently and for most of them, getting praise for something they may not do all the time might prompt them to do it (or other tasks) more often.
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1. You absolutely must communicate with him that this is what you want, especially if you were happy to take over all of that when you were working. He may not know or understand that you need/want the help.
2. SAHMs have the same work hours their husbands do. You work while he is at work. When he gets home it's 50/50. He is still a parent, and should be actively involved in raising his child, weather it's his day off or not.
I just went back to work last month but was home for 8 months w/ DD.
When DH would get home he would take DD from me. He helped w/ her baths, feeding her & let me do some stuff I couldn't do when he wasn't there. Even if it was to wash dishes, it was a nice break. lol It took some time for DH to realize why I needed it. I left him home a few times ALLLLLL day w/ her alone. He caught on real fast.
im a control freak..and so i created a monster! i never allowed dh to help so he got into the routine of not doing too much. i thought sahm meant super mom and i did everything.
i had a bit of a breakdown a few weeks ago and things have been MUCH better.
we decided to alternate who does bath, jammies, book, bed.. and that has been a huge help.
dh has always been a big help with dinner, dishes, etc..and now that he knows i need more help with our lo its been so much better.
DH takes the baby when he gets home every day so that I can cook dinner in peace. He plays with her until dinner time, and then after dinner I usually get her changed into her pj's while he clears the table and loads the dishwasher. Then he usually feeds her and puts her down, unless she's really fussy, and then I'll help or do it.
She isn't sleeping through the night yet either, and I get up with her most of the night, but between 5-7:30 DH deals with her if she wakes up so that I can get a couple hours of good, uninterrupted sleep before I get up for the day. On the weekends he also tends to give her baths and feed/play/put her down more than I do. For the most part, I think he is extremely helpful.
My husband does not get home until almost 7 so everything is pretty much done by then! I give the boys a bath around 6 then I start dinner so that we can eat when he gets home. We feed the boys their last bottle together before they go to bed between 7:30-8.
One thing I did discuss was cleaning the kitchen TOGETHER after dinner. By the time everything was done for the night the last thing I wanted to do was clean the kitchen so I didn't. It made it very frustrating to wake up the next morning to a mess. We are starting this tonight, we'll see how long it lasts:)
ditto this, except SAHMs work longer hours than their husbands do. He gets however much time during the day during his commute to and from work, plus (usually) a lunch break, down time, bathroom breaks, etc. We do not get this luxury.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
I agree with everything pp said. Sometimes DH complains that he needs a break too, but so do I, but most of the time DH takes DS as soon as he gets home so I can have a break. He plays, feeds him his dinner, & sometimes gives him his bath. I think it's a good bonding time for them since they only get a few hours together a day.
I would love help. DH travels for work and a secondary coaching job. He left Monday, came home late last night. I just dropped him back off at the airport for another trip from which he will return Sunday night late (11 pm or later) and then turn around Monday morning for another trip.
Sorry, needed to vent. Oh, he did manage to wake up the baby when he came in last night so he spent over an hour playing/trying to get him back to sleep. Does that count as help?
I get home 2 hours before DH three days a week and I'm home the other two. He takes DD when he walks in the door and does almost everything (I nurse) from then until bedtime. He does bath and bedtime and gets up with her in the middle of the night,unless she needs to eat. Last night he even got up to give her a bottle, but most nights, if she eats, I nurse. We do dinner together or rotate doing it.
The one thing I do more of is day to day picking up. If he's home, like on the weekend, or on a day off, he'll get a bug up his butt and clean the house, but the day to day cleaning, he doesn't do much of. A messy house doesn't bother him, so he has no problem with dishes sitting in the sink or dog hair on the floor. A few days a week he will come home on lunch and pick up our room and load the dishwasher though.
DH tries to help out as much as he can, but DS is going through a phase where he'd rather be with me than DH. Which I love but it makes it difficult for to get anything done.
But DH will do the dishes and help with the laundry, but he mainly gets DD in the bath and dressed for bed. I mainly take hold of DS.
But DH does this "Sunday Blues" thing and grumps around the whole day and doesn't do much but complain about going back to work the next day! So Sundays are pretty much all me. And thats the only day he's home.