I love him so much already....
Lil J was placed with us about 2.5 weeks ago. Right now, he is a foster child. If the mom does not work her court ordered plan, then it is possible that we would be able to adopt him.
This process can take a long time, about 2+ years.
To date, mom has not been working her plan at all. Part of her plan includes visits. So, she has not seen Lil J in about a month (another family had him before me).
Anyway, his case worker called me yesterday and asked if I can make a call to the mom (blocked number of course), because she will be "unavailable" for a period of 28 days to 3 months.
Since it is in our "contract" that we will support reunification, I knew I would have to make the call.
We did just that, he talked to her like he would talk to anyone else, not really getting the idea that it was mom on the phone. After they chatted, she spoke to me for a minute or two. What she said really got to me.
She thanked me for taking care of her son, that she would pray for me everyday, that I am an angel that she will never forget, she misses and loves Lil J very much, etc. I wished her the best of luck and we hung up.
I got off the phone and cried and cried. I know that there is always a possibilities of kids going back, and I know that there the possibility that they will not. I knew I would love him no matter what.
But in 2 weeks, I have grown so attached to him. I love him like he is my own - and I know it will be devestating if he goes back to mom.
I have always said that I will never fault a mom for working her plan and gettting her child back, and that I am here to love and care for any child that comes into my care.
They want us to love these kids, make them feel like part of the family. We have done just that. But, boy does it hurt to know that he could go back.
+++++++ I just want to add that I KNOW if he goes back to mom, it is the best thing for him. But, it still hurts just thinking about it++++++++
Re: I love him so much already....
I wish I knew the words to calm your fears and make you know it is okay to feel those feelings. I can't imagine the strength that foster parents have to provide love and security to a child with whom they may only have a brief relationship. I am sure you will always do what is best for him which is why you are such a great foster mom.
I don't know if it helps, but I'd like to think that if he goes back to live with his mother that it is because she also wants what is best for him and has worked to make that happen. Hopefully, this experience has taught her something that she will remember for the rest of her life. And until she is in a position to give him what he deserves, if she ever is, that you have eased her worries because she knows that whatever happens he is being loved and well cared for, maybe in a way that she can't.
::BIG HUGS:: I hope that everything works out in the way that is best for all involved and that your family is able to enjoy every minute with him however long that may be.
I'll be praying for strength no matter what the outcome.
hugs!
I am glad to see things are working out with him and he is fitting in well. He is so lucky to have you in his life right now. I will be praying for Little J and your family.
Amy...I'm sure your feelings are completely normal. Being a foster mom is a wonderful and amazing gift and you are a special lady for taking on that role!!! You can't help but get attached, but you know you have to do what's best for the child.
Sophia
Your post reminded me of this quote. You just decided to "have" a foster child.
You've signed on to have your heart ripped out and stomped on repeatedly-ust like any other kind of mother. Even when it's good, it'll hurt. But I can totally undertand why you'd sign up
My heart goes out to you NJ. I know the feeling of loving someone you fear will go away, and at the same time knowing that it may be best for them to do so. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you as a mother.
I will certainly keep you and your family--including the little man--in my thoughts and prayers. I wish an easy ride for all of you.
I was a foster care worker for a few years. With the 200+ I worked with, only 1 birth mom was sucessful in getting her child back.
I would say that the odds are with you. Good luck. :-)
If you have any questions, feel free to page me. I lurk on this borad, in the hopes that I will one day get a chance to adopt also (although the odds seem stacked against me).