missed m/c

Maggie McKelvey · March 2009

My husband and I went to our first dr.s appt today. I was 10wks2days pregnant. I work at a hospital and had an u/s for fun done at 8wks and saw my little ones heartbeat. Today, no heart beat was found and it showed the baby stopped growing at 8wks6days. I need to have a D&C in the morning. This was our first baby, our first time trying. I just feel so empty and said, and i have no idea what to do. The dr. kept telling us we could try in a couple of months but i can't even imagine doing that right now, the pain is so great that im afraid this will happen again. Sorry, i just need to vent a little...any advice would be appreciated

attyalice · March 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. My advice:

1. Surround yourself with people who love you and you can talk to.

2. Use the ladies on here as a resource in your healing process.

3. Relax. Take things at your own pace. Don't compromise what YOU need.

It does get better every day.... sometimes it seems like it wont... but it will... You are in my thoughts and prayers.

samm1983 · March 2009

I am so sorry for your loss.

PeetiePie · March 2009

So sorry for your loss, but glad you are hear. Give yourself time to heal emotionally. You'll know when you're ready to try again. You're not alone in what you're feeling and going through.

I_am_DCA · March 2009

I know your pain. It's one of the most difficult things in the world to look at the ultrasound and see something that you created is not living anymore. It's not your fault. Hopefully it is the only loss you will endure. Only time will heal your wounds. Tomorrow is 11 weeks from my d&c, and I am able to talk about it openly now. I still get sad to think I would be half way done with my pregnancy. Just remember that nature takes care of babies that are sick or not forming correctly. It may always hurt, but the pain does get better. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Leah&Cole · March 2009

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take all the advice that the lovely previous posters provided. Let us know if you have any questions about the D&C... many of us have been there before and know how scary the days leading up to it can be.

Take care of yourself and come here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.

Krindor · March 2009

I'm so sorry, the same thing happened to me. I went in for my 10 wks u/s and we found out the baby had died at 6 wks. My body just hadn't recognized it. It's very hard, I know. We're all here for you

redsox2934 · March 2009

I am so so sorry. Your story is almost exactly like mine. It's been about 3 1/2 months for me. It does get better, but it was very hard and I still get sad. PPs offered great advice. Lean on the ladies here. You will find that a lot of people just don't know what to do/say, and may do/say things that bother you, or not do/say anything at all after a while, and that might bother you, too. But, that's because nobody gets it unless they've been through it. Go at your own pace... you don't have to feel better by a certain time... just go with your feelings. A few things that helped me were to see my old therapist, work out, talk about it with my husband and sister (sometimes I had to explain to DH that talking about it was not dwelling on it; it was working through my emotions) and come to these boards for support.

I wish you the best. Good luck tomorrow. I actually found the D&C to be a good experience, all things considered. The people there were so sympathetic and it gave me some closure. I hope it is the same for you. Take it easy for the next few days. Big ((hugs)).

BoSoxbride · March 2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. Ditto pretty much everything redsox2934 said. Lean on your husband and family, but know that even DH will not ever really "get" how you feel. Until this happened to me I honestly never realized the tremendous loss and emotional pain that women went through. I guess since no one really talks about this, you never really hear about the pain. When I went through my loss a ton of friends and family started sharing their own stories, and that was a comfort. Deal with the loss on your terms because only you know how you feel. Let yourself mourn, and know that this will take time to heal. Try not to let it completely consume you. It's been a month and a week since I found out about my loss and I still have days and moments that I need to cry, but I am healing. Use this board. These ladies were an enormous support to me, especially in those initial days. And like redsox said, the d&c is a very quick procedure that generally goes very smoothly. Lots of hugs to you. You WILL smile again.

alycat1432 · March 2009

We all deal with a m/c differently, and for me the D&C helped bring closure and helped me begin the healing process. I know that right now it seems so scary to want to try again, but I'm sure that that feeling will pass. Your experience is so similar to mine. This was the first time we tried and we got pregnant right away. I found out at 8 weeks that there was no heartbeat. It is one of the most devestating experiences you can go through, and I never understood the pain until it happened to me. This board has helped me so much, so come here whenever you feel like you are alone, you'll find that there are so many women going through the same thing you are. Take care and I wish you the best. You are in our thoughts and prayers. ((hugs))

redshoegirl · March 2009

I am so very sorry for your loss...I agree completely with all of the advice abartane gave...make sure you have people to talk to (including the awesome ladies on this board, who helped me more than I can say), and take the time you need to heal.

dkfitz07 · March 2009

So sorry for you loss.

My advice:

Stay on the board...you will find a lot of women going through this.

Lean on DH.

Find time for you. Do things that make you happy.

Jacquiemark · March 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I believe the ladies above posted some of the best advice to give. Lean on your DH and family and feel free to talk, vent, or just lurk on this board. This board has given many of us comfort, advice, support, and most of all understanding throughout this trying time. Sending you hugs and prayers.

Septsoulmates · March 2009

I hope that you are recovering well. Use this board as fully as possible. Each life is so different. But your DH will grieve differently. Use women on here who have had a similar experience not everyone in the world can understand.

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