Adoption
Just venting over an idiot
I fortunately got to spend my lunch with a colleague who was so kind to tell me all the horror stories of people he knows who have adopted and the child has gone horribly bad...
I bit my tongue for the most part - I kindly explained that my mother had a similar reaction initially until I told her of all the bio children we know that have gone horribly bad...I think he got it but I still feel like going to him and giving him all the statistics of horrible things 10 year old boy and 14 year old girls do.
Grrrr!! Why are some people such idiots!!
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Re: Just venting over an idiot
(coming out of lurkdom- I only lurk here and have just posted twice over here- usually i stay over at bnotb)
HOWEVER, I had to say I can relate totally. Whenever I mention adopting (we aren't 100% sure, but we're probably never going to TTC and will just adopt in the LONG term future), people feel compelled to tell me about the horror stories. It freaks me out until I remember.......
For four years, I was a clinical social worker doing therapy with juvenile delinquents. The majority of the messed up children I saw were biological. The adopted clients I saw had their issues, but some of the most messed up kids were biological because of their FAMILY dynamics.
Nature versus nurture. Nurture wins. At least that is what I believe.
(going back to BNOTB- someday I will introduce myself here
Sounds like the conversation I had with my mother this morning...in which she told me about the woman she met who lived where I currently do and had a child with a cleft lip, and all the hardships they faced, and how they had to leave the state to get decent medical care, and how even now, 20 years later, he's still affected and going for reconstructive surgeries. As if it makes perfect sense to condemn an entire state's medical system and all children with cleft lip because of one family's bad experiences!
I hear you Beach, loud and clear! I wish my mother got the hint when I pointed out all the reasons why the story was strictly anecdotal, and not information exclusively upon which I would base decisions for my family. I think you probably got through to your lunch mate better than I did my mother. Good for you for making your point!
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
I like how you said she was an idiot. Just because you're adopted does not mean you're going to turn out bad. My brother is adopted and he's the most wonderful, caring, sweet individual you'll ever meet. It's mostly because he had such great loving parents who treated him like he hung the moon. I (the bio kid) was treated the same way.
People need to be educated. I'm glad you spoke your mind and let her know that there are some pretty rotten biological kids out there too.
I tell you what those adopted kids!! You gotta watch out for them!! they are NO good!! ya know?? They would NEVER join the military, they would never be a missionary, or an electrician, or even a birthmother, and they all do drugs!!
For those of you that dont know me, Im adopted and so are my siblings. My sister got 4 offers from colleges for full ride scholarships, I've been in the army 11 years now. and my brother is an electrician!! And all three of us have never done drugs, the worst things I've done?? Skip Class, my sister?? Cheat on a spelling test in 2nd grade!! and my brother?? got his license revoked..............for too many speeding tickets!