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Just wondering if anyone else is having this problem...

cla40749cla40749 member
in 2nd Trimester

Okay, so our baby, due in September is the first grandbaby on either side. We are also the only ones likely to have children for either side (i'm an only child, SIL hates men). We are already having to fight out between ourselves (my DH and I) and between the families (both MILs) who will be the first to hold the baby after us. Hubby wants his mom, who he argues has waited longer for a grandbaby since he's older. I want mine and I want mine b/c she lives almost 10 hours away and won't see the baby as much (I've even been extra mean and tossed in the fact that it might be a comfort to mom since we just lost dad really suddenly). We thought we had the issue solved when we chose his grand ma, but she refuses to come to the hospital (she's extremly claustrophobic). Now I sometimes feel like it's about to erupt into an all out war.?

Are any of you having this problem? How are you solving it??

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Re: Just wondering if anyone else is having this problem...

  • mfransdellmfransdell member
    They are seriously arguing over who gets to hold the baby first? These are grown women you are talking about correct? Let them battle it out themselves. Maybe you could suggest some type of wrestling match or paintball gun war to see comes out on top?
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  • annibesannibes member
    This has not been a problem in my family. DH and I will be holding our baby and bonding with our baby. After we're ready, people may come and visit, and they can figure it out for themselves who gets to hold him/her first.

    All I know is that if fights or arguments break out over the baby that I'll have carried for ~40 weeks and pushed and grunted to bring into the world, everyone can leave. I don't want it in my hospital room.?
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  • M+K=3M+K=3
    Ok no offense or anything, but really? This is a point of contention? I'm sure once your LO arrives, everyone will be overwhelmed with emotion and it won't (or should l say, it shouldn't) matter. Isn't the most important thing that they just all hold him/her at one point?
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  • merjmmmerjmm

    To be honest I hadn?t even thought about it and I think it is pretty ridiculous that it is even being fought over. 

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  • Wed notdead!Wed notdead! member

    Um, no.

    That's a dumb thing to have an "all out war" about. If they insist on arguing about it, tell them you'll make the decision when the time comes, and then flip a coin.

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  • 2006bride*2006bride*
    Is this for real?  This would so not even be a conversation in my world!
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  • SharonWantsABabySharonWantsABaby member

    Ok, seriously...

    Everyone is gonna get to hold the baby within a very short period of time. They are not children. I can't believe anyone is even thinking about this.

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  • FutureHardingsFutureHardings

    I don't quite have the exact problem... but I really don't want my in-laws anywhere near me from the time I get to the hospital until the time I'm cleaned up and so is my son... and I flat out told my FI that I only want him and my mother around, unless I say otherwise once I get there. It's not that I hate his family, it's just that my family has been there for us much more than his family has been, and I only find it fair for my family to be the ones more involved that day.

    I would say that if it really does start getting bad as to the fighting or bickering.. tell your DH that you are the one carrying the child, and delivering the child, that you should get the decision. That's my opinion about these situations.

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  • PregoCCPregoCC

    My plan is that my parents will be at the hospital while I'm in labor. His mom, I am assuming will be called after baby boy arrives, so my mom or dad will hold him first.

    When my brother and his girlfriend had a baby last October, my family was there for the last hour of labor (not in the room) and then her family arrived about 5-10 minutes before we were allowed to see them. My parents stepped aside and let her mom go in first to see her daughter, who just gave birth. Then we all went in. It was her mom who held my nephew first, which was totally fine and completely understandable.

    Regardless, whoever holds baby first, should not be selfish and should pass the baby on so the other grandparents can hold him/her asap.

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  • ShleiShlei

    I would have them duke it out in a paintball war. Just kidding, they are grown women. It really doesn't matter who holds the baby because everyone will get a turn. I would just step back and let them work it out amongst themselves.

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  • fairychick77fairychick77 member
    Your family doesn't have bigger things to worry about than that nonsense?
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  • TexasmommyTexasmommy
    Tell them both to grow up and that who ever gets there first gets to hold the baby.  That is crazy.  It will be a long road of grandparenting and they are going to drive you two away if they keep this petty crap up.  There is so much that new baby's do that they won't even think about it after.  For the parents, I'm sure it's huge to know that you held your own baby first, rather than other family, but to grandparents, I'd tell them to get over it.  GL and sorry you have to deal with that!
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  • Kelleygail78Kelleygail78
    Honestly, I have a VERY similar situation. The holding hasn't come up yet but DH and I are both only children and this is the first grandchild for either side. My MIL is very opinionated and is always saying "my grandson" whenever our baby is brought up. It's very hurtful b/c it makes me feel like she won't be happy unless the baby is a boy. My mom has been great with all of it. Our battle lately has been that I don't want my MIL in the room with us. DH says that she will assume she is supposed to be in there and that she isn't going to be happy. So I've decided to try to cross that bridge when it gets closer. It's a shame that such a happy time can become such a stressful time!!! Good Luck with your situation!!
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  • sandollarsandollar
    Yeah, I have never thought about this and I don't think it matters at ALL. It is a horrible thing to be in an argument about already! Do your and his parents really care, have they brought it up or are you guys just thinking about it? I say just forget about it and let things happen as they happen.?
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  • JewelzNBeanJewelzNBean member

    I think that this is something that you and your DH should not have to decide - that's not fair. I would tell them to sort it out on their own.

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  • gumiberggumiberg member

    I cannot relate in the slightest!  I really dont think anyone in my family has even thought about who will hold the baby first.

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  • cla40749cla40749 member

    To explain, we've had situations in the past when there was a new baby on my side where the in-laws crowded the baby and in one case my aunt didn't get to hold her granddaughter for almost three hours after the baby was born because the other grandma wouldn't give her up.?

    I think for my mom she just doesn't want a repeat. She also feels sort of cheated already since we live so close to his family and so far from mine. She's heard me complain about MIL so she doesn't want to crowd so she's only staying for a few days after baby is born. Seriously, like only 4-6 days unless hubby deflates her tires.?

    She seems to sort of feel like we don't want her around since we don't live near her. This is the only thing she has gotten defensive about, so I'm willing to say "Let her have it."?

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  • b.heatherb.heather member

    Have them flip a coin.If this is going to cause a fight then you and DH should probably stay out of it and let fate decide.

    I can forsee having this same problem. I've so far managed to avoid dealing with it, but I think that the coin flip is a good option. 

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  • afgafg member

    Wow, I can't imagine this being such a big deal with our families.

    Will both grandmother's be there at the time of birth/at the same time? 

    Is it really that important?  I mean they will both get to hold the baby...I think the wrestling match sounds like a winner.

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  • jrickard7jrickard7 member

    You could make up a game- everyone could put their weight guess into a hat and the person with the closest guess gets to hold the baby first.  Just a suggestion that might take some of the tension out of the situation.

     But seriously?  The baby will know it is loved, but it won't remember who held it when...

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  • EvelynsmomEvelynsmom
    Are you kidding me?  They need to grow up and be more concerned important things, like that the baby is healthy then who gets to hold the child.  That's insane.
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  • jr_er@hotmail.comjr_er@hotmail.com
    wow..that sounds ridiculous, there are far more important things to be discussing than this..sorry to be so harsh..
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  • madonnadouwannamadonnadouwanna
    While it's not a war in our house, I know my parents will be there the entire time of labor (not in the room, just waiting) and I'm sure his will not even come down until after our LO is born.  While it may seem to be stressing you out, I'm sure they will decide amongst themselves who gets to hold your LO first.  I think if the ILs were there for the delivery, they'd still let my parents hold her first. 
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  • efortuneefortune member
    Wow, who cares? Why are so many adults arguing over something this petty?  And you are not acting any more mature...I mean, really, throwing in your dad died?  That is immature and just hateful.  Perhaps you all need to reevaulate your priorities.  Is it more important who holds the baby first, or that the baby is born healthy?  Shouldnt you just bask in the happiness of having the family all together to celebrate the arrival of your LO's new life? 
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  • Kendall13Kendall13

    They do know that the baby won't evaporate after the first grandma holds it, right?

    It's your baby.  They should be excited that you let ANYONE hold it.

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  • jmubride2jmubride2

    We haven't even thought about it yet.  Guess it kinda doesn't matter with two.  They each get one and then they can switch, lol. 

    I say first come first serve.  Give the baby to the nurse and whoever the nurse hands it to.  Then you aren't involved at all so no one can be mad.  In the end will you really even remember this?

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  • ladysingsthebluesladysingstheblues

    Okay, I'm late to this party, but Jesus Christ!  Could these people make it any LESS about the baby and any MORE about themselves?

    Grow the_fuck_up.

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