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Clueless hostess?

carmenlaruecarmenlarue member
in Baby Showers
My girlfriend asked if I wanted her to throw me a shower, which I agreed to. Another girlfriend asked if she could assist the first friend. I provided both with an outline of what I'd like, apps and dessert and it could be hosted at my house to cut cost. Now my helper friend has taken the lead because the Hostess hasn't made one move, she liked my outline and offered to buy napkins and serving platters & games... WTF? So now Im in ackward position with her because thats not what the hostess of the shower does, Youre it! I have no problem putting into my own shower if I have to, but damn, when someone offers you kinda just expect them to do it. What should I say to her?
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Re: Clueless hostess?

  • Erin Mary AckermanErin Mary Ackerman member

    When someone offers to throw you a shower, you either accept or decline graciously and  then decide the when and where.   You can provide your hostess with a list of your near and dear ones for her to invite, should she ask you.  The number of guests, and type of hospitality offered are solely at the host's discresion.

    So telling your host what "apps and dessert" to offer, and deciding the venue was a bit forward.   You are controlling too much.  If you stepped back, your dear friends would create a party for you but when you have a hand in it you smack of entitlement and condescension.

    You don't say anything to your friends.  You show up at the apointed hour with a big smile on your face, and acknowledge your two friends who cared enough to put a party together for you.  Sometimes these things come together at the last minute, and it's better not to make a big scene beforehand when you don't have all the information.

    And for the love of Spring don't throw your own shower.  It is a gift to you, and you might be offending the giver by being so involved.

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imageBrahimBride:
    So telling your host what "apps and dessert" to offer, and deciding the venue was a bit forward.   You are controlling too much.  If you stepped back, your dear friends would create a party for you but when you have a hand in it you smack of entitlement and condescension
    ditto. you're pissed that she isn't 'doing her job', but  yet you did most of her job for her.  you can;t have it both ways.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • carmenlaruecarmenlarue member
    ok thats understandable, we are both event planners, so it's hard to not "plan things" so I agree.  So now how can it be fixed?
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    let helper take the lead.  if she doesn't want to, then let her talk to original hostess.  this should be between them anyhow.  and from here on out, stay out of the planning!
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • PrimaandGeePrimaandGee
    It is a challenge to stay out of planning whe there isn't much planning going on.....I had that happen for my bridal shower.  BF was supposed to take the lead and offered, then did jack crack....I ended up doing a lot of the work...it was either that or no food and decorations, or even games.  In the ieal situation I know you wold stay out of it, but I have been there.  Let the 2nd friend take over and I say you help as much as you can.
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  • julia&jaredjulia&jared
    imageBrahimBride:

    When someone offers to throw you a shower, you either accept or decline graciously and  then decide the when and where.   You can provide your hostess with a list of your near and dear ones for her to invite, should she ask you.  The number of guests, and type of hospitality offered are solely at the host's discresion.

    So telling your host what "apps and dessert" to offer, and deciding the venue was a bit forward.   You are controlling too much.  If you stepped back, your dear friends would create a party for you but when you have a hand in it you smack of entitlement and condescension.

    You don't say anything to your friends.  You show up at the apointed hour with a big smile on your face, and acknowledge your two friends who cared enough to put a party together for you.  Sometimes these things come together at the last minute, and it's better not to make a big scene beforehand when you don't have all the information.

    And for the love of Spring don't throw your own shower.  It is a gift to you, and you might be offending the giver by being so involved.

    This. You kinda make it sound like YOU are taking it over. I would apologize to the two of them and have them do what they want. Otherwise it does seem a bit tacky. It sounds like maybe you took they fun out of it for them. Tell them if they have any ???s  or need a list then you will help but dont shove this stuff down their throat. Im sure they will do a great job.

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