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Infertility
Stress & IF - Vent about DH, our PCP etc
I am so irritated right now. My DH has a physical today with our PCP and I told him to ask her what she thought of me doing accupuncture -- not so much if she thinks it will help, but if she she thought it was safe etc. ( I am kind of weird about stuff like that).
Anyways, he just called me and said that she told him we were never going to get pregnant unless I reduce stress in my life. Apparently he then told her that whenever people mention "reducing stress and letting things happen" I flip out.
Ok, so then I flipped out (per usual). I don't care what anyone says, there is no way that stress has caused 4 LOSSES IN A ROW!!! I understand that stress affects fertility and I have a relatively stressfule life (work full-time & go to law school), but come on!! Our losses are unexplained, but the fact that we had to seek treatment certainly wasn't... WE HAVE A MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS. I then tried to go through a list of people who must be more stressed than me and still acheived pregnancy (aka people in war-torn countries and impoverished nations) and my DH actually tried to tell me there is no way to judge how stressed they are. I know it was a ridiculous argument to make in the first place, but seriously, it is also ridiculous to insinuate that I'm the most stressed out person on the planet.
I flip out because it is hurtful. It really hurts my feelings when people say that I need to relax because honestly, it feels like blame... like I could have somehow prevented this from happening.
OK, vent over.
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Re: Stress & IF - Vent about DH, our PCP etc
As to her saying you will never get pregnant unless you reduce stress...you are getting pregnant. You are just not staying pregnant, which does point to some kind of medical issue that de-stressing is not going to fix.
Gah...I hate the de-stress comments. It's like another kick in the shins. It feels like blaming the victim.
I think acupuncture is safe and if you aren't doing any fertility drugs or cycling you can even get the herbs they all like to prescibe. Everyone on the boards has said how it has helped ease their stress and I have been to two sessions and already feel 'lighter'
Last week my acupuncturist said something kind of cool. She asked me to remember the lima bean project in school where you plant the seed, give it some water and leave it in a warm dark place. She said that some women should do just that. If you open the cupboard to check on the seed everyday it will proabbly not germinate. Plant the seed and leave it. (This is the best way I have ever been told to "just relax"
I so love my acu. Do some reasearch and go to a practioner who does accu all the time, not your RE who has taken a weekend seminar. Good luck & (((hugs)))
I actually had to take a couple deep breaths before I could answer this without resorting to serious profanity. I'm so freakin' angry for you.
Relaxation is great. But the next person who tells me I'm not pregnant, or that I lost my baby because I'm stressed out is seriously getting a knuckle sandwich. How can they not realize that saying such things implies that it's our fault our babies died because we won't relax?!?!
I am so sorry that your DH felt the need to share this with her, though I'm sure he only said it out of worry for you.
((((hugs))))
I absolutely hate the stop stressing and it will happen speech. My DH, mom, mother-in-law you name it have said that to me. I have used the third world and war torn countries example with my husband as well. Yup- gets me no wear every time. Beyound frusterating...
I understand exactually wear you are coming from.
Thanks ladies. I don't why I let it get to me today...
I actually went to an accu consult last week and definitely plan to stick with it.
This is sooo true! ?When I finally went to my RE for some reason I just kept apologizing to her. ?I would talk about how fat I was or how stressed I was and maybe that's what was wrong. ? ?After a few minutes of this she looked me in the eye and said "This is not your fault. ?There is nothing you did to cause your IF. ?Stop blaming yourself."
I burst in to tears. ?It was a huge relief after months of hearing "Just relax". I realized that deep down I WAS blaming myself. ? ?Like this Shiznit isn't hard enough....
?
just wanted to say i am sorry people are so ignorant.
i work full-time and attend law school also, so i know first-hand how stressful it can be. some people just don't understand, but i do, and i feel your pain.
and vent away - some stuff you just can't let roll off of your back.
Oh no Colleen!!! This is why I hate people outside of the IF community. They really don't get it! Don't blame yourself, really don't. People always say stress is the cause for me too and I feel the same way. You know what? It only adds stress on me to say that!!!
You have a medical dx - you don't have too much stress. If you were dx'd with cancer, would someone tell you it's because you were too stressed? NO!
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Make sure your DH realizes it isn't stress related - guys sometimes take a looooooong time to understand this stuff.
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