Birthday. — The Bump
Blended Families


I have not posted in awhile but there is a new issue in my life.

How do you guys deal with SK birthdays and birthday parties?
Do you have one big party for both sides of his/her family where both parents go and their extended families?
Two seperate parties?
or other ways?

My situation:

I have been with my SO for almost nine months now. He is my best freind's older step brother, I have known his 5yr daughter her whole life pretty much, but him and I met this summer. He has full custody of her and BM see gets her every other weekend. BM parents are very active in daugters life, they pick her up from school daily, and what not.

Things are been great between us minus so little bumps IE BM trying to get him to "watch movies"  at midnight with her and their daughter when she has her just little things. It is annoying but I can not really change what she says, only my SO reacts.

April is the birthday month for us: SO bday 21st, daughter 24th, mine 25th. So this means birthday pary for their daughter. They are having one big party together where both mother and father families are invited and whatnot. BM parents are having a big birthday party at their house. I feel since that is at their house I am kind of invading their space and I should not be there. I have not brought this up to anyone yet because IDK if i am right for thinking this way.


Honestly please? i need it


Re: Birthday.

  • I think the best way to decide is to have your FI talk it over with the grandparents and the child's mom. If they're comfortable with it, I don't see why it wouldn't be ok to go. Also depends on if your FI feels comfortable or not.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
  • SO says he would prefer me to go, but understands that if I am uncomfortable then that is okay too. He is also taking into consideration that her party is on my birthday, but that really does not bother me as long as no one really knows and the attention stays on their daughter for her birthday party.. not me for my actual birthdate.
  • I would just focus on the reason why you are there....for SD and not worry about what anyone else thinks/says.  You are not invading their space, you were invited to SD's birthday party as a guest and I'm sure SD would want you there.
    Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker
    SD was born on 06/06/01 and DD was born on 08/11/06
  • If you are uncomfortable I would not go. Maybe you can throw a party for the three of you at your own home.
    if you are invited and you don't mind going, then go. If it gets uncomfortable leave, you can come up with a reason you can't stay.
  • We don't do shared bday parties period.  SD has a bday party which DH and I hold for friends/family the weekend we have her (this year it is before her actual bday, then BM will have a friends/family party for her side on her weekend.  When DH and I had been dating for over a year and were engaged, BM invited DH to SD's birthday party and specifically left me out- she actually called DH and asked him if he wanted to come by and celebrate.  DH said thanks but we already celebrated but made sure to call SD that day to tell her he hoped she would have a good time.  I also have to say that this was shortly after BM threw a tantrum about us getting engaged.  

    Since then we have held separate parties and it has worked out much better for our situation - although last year BM asked if SD's half brother and BM's bf's daughter could attend our party, since it was at a skating rink.  While we wouldn't have minded SD's brother we didn't want to deal with the other little girl and couldn't say no to one and yes to the other. 

    As far as your situation I would just talk to your SO.  Maybe he can talk to BM and the parents and see how they would feel if you came or if you are extended an invitation as well.  If not, you and the little girl could always celebrate with a girl day (maybe take her out before the party and have a manicure and pedicure (ie have nailpolish put on - to get ready for the party).

  • last year we had a party at our house for SD (she lives with us), BM and her boyfriend came to the party from out of state and when they left they actually handed me money to help pay for it, last year we decided it would only be fair to split bdays she was supposed to have it at their house this year, but she didnt want to since her friends are all here. So we are having a bowling party and they are coming again this year and will rent the "adult" lane. So BM family is always invited but most of them live out of state and cant make it.  Oh our wedding anniversary is shared with her birthday, but her  birthday always comes first!! This year we get to share that with Easter!!  LOL what a crazy year this has been.  If your not comfortable I agree with the others do a small party at your place...GL

  • Did you go on the Halloween haunted house thing?

    I remember your story and it would be rude if you did not go - they live next door to SO right?  It is going to be weird and awkward but you have to get used to it if you want to be in this relationship.  Also the little girl loves you doesn't she?  It will be healthy for her to see you all together.

    I am also the gf of a Bio dad; we do the joint party with both families.  I went along the last two years.  This year was hard and I actually cried on the way home but you know what - I did it for SS. 

    The way I look at is - it is about SS sense of security, that he knows his daddy and mommy are there for him and get along and he can see that I am no threat to that.  I am just another person who loves and supports him.

    Go - but if you really get uncomfortable make your excuses (bday dinner with your family) and leave.  That way they cannot say you didn't make an effort.  Good Luck!

    Ps - I attended SSs play this year without SO and with all BMs family, so if I can do that you can do this.




  • Yes, I am the own SO lives next door to BM parents. BM finally moved out because she got a new boyfreind.

    Update on Haunted house: They were going on a night I did not have school, but then moved it to a night I did have school because it was "family" night that night. So I got out of that one clean! lol


  • We do separate birthdays.  We're always invited to BM's family celebration, but it's just not one of those things that's necessarily the best idea, so we do our own here.  It's either the weekend before or after, depending. 


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    Me (34): MTHFR, PCOS, Endo, left salpingectomy due to hydrosalpinx, 
    hypothyroidism, low AMH (0.26)/normal FSH/average AFC of 12

    Him (33): No known issues

    November 2013-March 2014: Natural cycles
    April 2014: Clomid 100mg and Ovidrel trigger -- BFN
    May 2014: Clomid 100mg and Ovidrel trigger -- BFN
    July 2014:  IVF class -- Check!
    Holy crap.  Unmedicated BFP 7.22.14.  EDD 4.01.15.
    Best April Fool's Day ever!
    Now on Lovenox, prenatals, Vitamin D,
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