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To find out or not to find out

MrsPattersonMrsPatterson member
in Pregnant after a Loss
For the longest time ever, I always said I would not find out if the gender of my first child.  DH had always agreed with me.  But then, he was talking to his mom, who worked on him and got him to think that finding out would be the best way to go.  Now he wants to find out.  I am kind of on the fence.  I know it's still super early to be thinking about this, but I know that if I don't have a firm decision by the time I can find out, I will definitely say yes if when they ask if we want to know!  How did you decide to find out or not?
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Re: To find out or not to find out

  • BlueyedgrlBlueyedgrl
    We decided to find out so that we could plan with patterns and themes, plus I'm not a big fan of green and yellow, there was part of me that wanted to to be a surprise but when it came down to it I wanted to know what to expect. Plus my SIL is going to clear out my nieces clothes and toys if we are having a girl and I want to be able to give her an answer that way she can sell them if we are having a boy....
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  • BeachBride72106BeachBride72106
    With the first pregnancy DH was ALL about NOT finding out.  The planner in me was on the fence, but went along with it being a surprise.  Then when everything happened with Wyatt I was so thankful we didnt' know.  It gave me something to focus on to get through labor and we didn't have a bunch of stuff bought that was specifically his.  Everything we bought was with the intentions that it would be for our children so we were able to keep everything.  Now this time DH says it is my decision and I dont' know what to do, I am thinking about having a bunch of sealed "try again" envelopes and have the u/s tech fill out one sheet with a boy or girl box checked and sealed in a envelope and mixed with the others.  Then weekly we have the potential to find out but really we are forced to remain neutral in our purchases for awhile longer.  I am interested to see how others answer this post.
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  • Rachel&JoeRachel&Joe
    We decided not to find out (& I always thought we would find out!) because we figured it's the only thing we actually have control over with this pregnancy.  I also am very much looking forward to that moment in the delivery room where my husband is able to announce the sex to everyone.  I am also hoping that the curiousity will help me to get through the awful pain of labor.  ;)
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  • kaustinkaustin
    We also decided not to find out.  I think it will be a great surprise and I think it is good to not have to plan everything.  I think that our parents were more disappointed than we were.  It was hard the day of the u/s but it has been ok since then. 
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  • mh2tmh2t

    I have always said I would not find out.  But now I want to!  And DH is the one who has put his foot down.  Although part of me wants to know, I'm secretly glad he has been adamant about it.  I really do want to have that "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment!  I know people say it's just as much a surprise earlier - and it kind of is, but you don't actually get to see the baby.  And I'd rather be calling people and telling them "it's a boy/girl," than saying, "oh yeah, so-and-so is now an outside baby."

    But the thing that really cinched it for me is my distrust of ultrasounds.  At this point we're planning not to have any unless medically necessary, so we wouldn't be able to find out anyway.

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  • gallerygirlgallerygirl member
    I'm about 90% sure I would want to find out. I don't care either way, but it will be nice to plan for one or the other.
    bfp #1 - 8/17/2008, natural m/c 8/25/2008, EDD 4/21/2009 bfp #2 - 10/6/2008, hb stopped at 7 w 3 d, d&e on 11/7/2008, EDD 6/19/2009 bfp #3- 3/14/2009.... stick, baby, stick!!!! (14 dpo - hcg 188, 16 dpo - hcg 421, 24 dpo - hcg 14,760!, 4/2 healthy HB of 130 bpm, 4/16 HB of 178 bpm!) bfp #4- 2/2/2011, EDD 10/17/2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker a bfing, cding, wah momma Congrats to my buddies Tiffanylaw06, Jeny M & burghbaby!
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  • nellieboonellieboo
    For us it wasn't a question. There was no way we were waiting to find out! 9 months is a long time :)  Plus, I don't like gender neutral stuff and it's easier to pick a name when you already know the sex. DH has the nursery all ready and we have a ton of hand me downs from family and friends that they were holding on to for when we found out. We are set and since I'm a planner I don't have to stress. I do think the waiting till birth thing would be cool. I could just never do it and it drives me nuts when friends wait :) GL! 
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  • jenn_darrin1515jenn_darrin1515 member
    We has always said we wouldn't find out...when we found out it was twins we went back and forth because people kept saying we would need to plan...but really, what do you need to plan for?  A baby needs the same things whether it is a boy or a girl...so we have stuck with not finding out...I figure it will give me something to look foward to those last tough weeks and I can't wait to have that moment when in the delivery room when we find out and immediately get to meet our little ones...
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  • mrsandrews07mrsandrews07
    I am such a planned and want to have the nursery and all the clothes planned out...Im a little nuts like that. So it was never a question if we would find out...we are counting down the days!!
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  • NelyBellyNelyBelly
    Whatever way you choose is fine and don't feel guilty for - although people will try to make you feel that way. I chose not to find out. I'm pretty happy I didn't. There are sooo many cute gender neutral stuff out there. Just check out my earlier post about the bedding I found. Also, I love imagining both a boy and a girl and all the fun that comes with having family and friends guess. But the best part I'm looking forward to is having DH announce the gender.
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  • pahokiepahokie

    I waivered, but I said if we found out I didn't want to tell anyone.  DH said he would not be able to keep the secret if we found out, so we decided not to find out.  We did look at the screen during the big u/s, and DH has a guess based on what he saw, but we are not sharing that info with anyone.

    We hope to have more than one child, so we are going gender neutral with nursery items and gear anyway.  Not knowing will help avoid (or at least delay and hopefully reduce) an avalanche of pink or blue.  This is partly a defensive maneuver on my part - there hasn't been a girl born into DH's family for two generations, so if we have one, the torrent of pink may never stop!

    A few folks have given me some grief, but most have respected our decision as our decision and will happy to find out when the baby arrives.

    We are also not deciding 100% on a boy name and girl name - we will narrow it down to a couple of choices for each and decide once we see the baby.

    It's a big decision - you have to go with what works for you.

    DD1 is 3, DD2 is 1.
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  • AnimalHouseAnimalHouse
    We decided not to find out.  It really came down to me wanting to give DH that moment after the baby is born to announce to our families what it is.  He's been so wonderful and supportive that I thought that was one way for him to have his own moment after the birth.  Plus, it's been fun driving my mom nuts with the not knowing, we won't tell her the names either!
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