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DS and Grandparents...worried...

SunkissedfaithSunkissedfaith
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Okay, so here is the deal.Lately a few things have upset/worried me and I just need to touch base with other moms to see what they think :)

I work part time m-f from 8-12, during which DS stays either at my parents house with my mom or DH parents house with my MIL.

Lately, when I go to get DS after work, he gives me a huge smile when he sees me, but then gets cranky and starts crying when we have to leave to go home. He even got upset when I took him from my mom, and def wanted to go back to her.

Also, today (and a few other times I am told) when DH goes to pick up DS when grandpa is holding him, DS cries and wants to go back to grandpa.

 I know this breaks my DH heart and confuses him, as it does mine! Its hard to deal with the guilt of working already, much less feel like our own child rather be with his grandparents.

Please dont flame me! I love and appreciate all the help my mom and mil give to allow my DS to stay with them in the mornings, but this past week or two his behavior is like he rather stay with them over us. I have never done CIO, I have been BF for 10 months and we always give DS tons of attention all of the time...DH is very hands on and spends all his free time playing with his son.

 I can't figure out why when it seems like most babies have the opposite (want mommy and daddy all the time, and want to go to mommy and daddy when they see them, sepaeration anxiety etc) our son is not like that. I worried that there is some attatchment problem or something. He is not a cuddly baby (unless he is tired), always wants to be on the move doing things. I dont know....something just is not sitting right with me and I needed to get that out. I'm trying not to take his actions personally as a rejection, but it really bothered me today when i saw how hurt my husband was. Thanks girls. Any input would be really appreciated.

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Re: DS and Grandparents...worried...

  • Heidi Lanigan-PotterHeidi Lanigan-Potter
    It sounds to me like he has a strong attachment to his grandparents since he sees them daily.  Nothing wrong with that at all, it just means he's very comfortable with them.  I understand why you would feel a little hurt, but really do try not to take it personally.  It really is a positive thing that he holds his grandparents in such high regard and has nothing to do with his feelings for you as parents.
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  • beachbum28beachbum28 member
    I have seen this, working in a daycare for the past 12 years! It is a form of separation anxiety, I'm not a pschologst, but I think your DS is Happy to be with his grandparents...and when he sees you and DH, he shows how much he loves his grandparents to you, it is not that he doesn't want to go to his parents, he is just forming other attachments with other adults, it is totally normal, and please don't feel bad, he is only acting on what he feels!!  You are so lucky you have his grandparents to leave him with!! It is a very good relationship for your ds to have.  GL!

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  • loveisforeverloveisforever

    WOW

    You read my mind today.

    I actually cried today b/c DS does the exact same thing. I started thinking what I have done wrong as a parent. Why does he want MIL and FIL more than his own mom. I even tried to get him and he walked over and hit my leg and when I tried to pick him up his body went limp and he started crying. It broke my heart b/c I am his mom and does more for him than anyone else. I was very upset about it this afternoon then as the night went on he wanted me more. I have no clue why they do this but I do know it is normal. ?

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  • SoxChampsSoxChamps member
    I see why you would be hurt, but I think all babies go through periods where they prefer certain people. Not because they don't like the other, I think they have their phases. DD is definitely attached to me, and I'm sure it hurts DH sometimes. I tell him that one day roles will be reversed, and when they do I will try not to be too hurt! I'm sure he'll change it up sometime.
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