I HAVE to ask a shower invitation etiquette ?

AutumnBride929 · March 2009

My mom & MIL are taking care of the invitations and my mom just emailed me since I sent her some info on where we are registered. She mentioned that they might put something on the invitations about requesting the gifts to be shipped directly to our house due to luggage limitations or something of the like (we're traveling out of state by plane). I thought that might be an inappropriate thing to place on a shower invitation. Thoughts? Embarrassed

taelir · March 2009

Wow, that's a tough one.

Obviously it'd be really difficult (and expensive!) to ship all that stuff back when you fly home.

Are you registering at a place(s) that will ship to a gift address for no additional charge?

AliciaSpring · March 2009

I would say innapropriate, but you can tell people by work of mouth. I am having an out of state shower but my Mom will probably drive the big gifts back for me and I can check the stroller.

Nicavesani · March 2009

I had the same problem... We live in SC and are going to FL for the shower. ?I know the girls on here will probably rip me a new one, but my mom put an insert in the envelope that had a cute poem explaining that I can't take everything on the plane (If you want to read the poem I'll post it for you). ?With the insert, you can put it only in the peoples invites that aren't sensitive and wont be offended.

Honestly, we sent ours last week and have only gotten positive remarks about what a great idea it was! Let me know.?

MrsDuncan · March 2009

I agree with you... They are already buying you presents, don't make them ship them. Most people will know you're traveling to the shower, wouldn't they? Some will probably figure it out on their own... If anything, she could tactfully mention it when guests call to RSVP. But that's it.

margeincharge2 · March 2009

Is that something she can spread by word of mouth when people rsvp? I was invited to a wedding shower where I knew the bride was flying across country for it. She lived in LA and the shower was on the East Coast. So even though it wasn't said, I knew they'd be flying and luggage would be an issue. I wasn't able to go to the shower so I had my gift shipped anyway. BUT, if I had gone, I would have known to ship the gift without being told. Do you think people will know you're traveling by plane? But, my vote would be to not put that on the invitation and spread it by word of mouth.

CalledOut · March 2009

I think I like the word of mouth idea better (nothing wrong w/ including registry info. on the invite, though). Maybe whoever receives the r.s.v.p. could make a point of letting guests know about the travel issue, and that they can ship right to your house from the website...

Actually, that would sort of be a great way to "stress" the we-have-a registry-please-use-it issue.

Kendall13 · March 2009

I wouldn't put it on the invite. Most registries have a "notes" section. You can put it in there.

DanielsWife · March 2009

That's tough. ?I can see it both ways and this is why: I don't know if I'll get flamed, but...

One reason there is no shower to speak of for me is because most of my family - and 1/2 of DH's - is far-flung. ?Either we would have to travel to like 3 different places for showers (and we can't exactly take time off to go everywhere!) and then pay to ship all of our stuff back, or try to invite people from all over to a shower here. ?Neither will freaking work for our families, trust me. ?So, instead, we're simply registering and my Mom and my MIL will spreading the word about where we're registered at - to avoid this situation altogether. ?

Yes, and if anyone sends us something they have to pay shipping, I think - and I feel like crap about that, but on one hand, I've done a million times over in order to send things out to far-flung relatives. ?

OK, is that tacky? ?I mean, our moms would yak about stuff anyways - and we're not sending out announcements saying "no shower, but buy stuff here for us!" ?No, I don't think too much. ?Keeping that in mind, if you don't think too many people would get offended by this, then I say go for it. ?However, if you do think people would raise objections, don't do it.?

andiwal · March 2009

We had the same issue since we recently moved and are flying home for the shower. It's funny, I was thinking word of mouth at first, but everyone I or my mom talked to about having a shower asked "but how are you going to bring the gifts home? Should everyone just do gift cards?" it's like they couldn't even think to ship them.

So we worked up a little insert that said "if you choose to get them a gift, please have it delivered to their home or their local store" or something to that effect. My mom will tell people to print up a picture to put in a card to open at the shower. I think there's no extra cost if you have it delivered to the local store, and we can certainly pick them up. DH and I debated about it, but my mom, who is hosting, thought it was fine.

It may not follow "etiquette", but I think if people get offended, they are overreacting.

afg · March 2009

I think word of mouth is the best way to get this info out.

AutumnBride929 · March 2009

Thanks for all the info! I definitely feel that MOST of the guests will understand that we live far away and will utilize the gift registry online to just ship the gifts (especially anything large) directly to our house. I registered at BRU, PBK and another website strictly for cloth diapering supplies. The only store that the majority of the guests would physically go to is BRU since that is the only local store in my hometown of those choices. I am sure that word of mouth would be the way to go. I just feel like it might be a little inappropriate (not TERRIBLE but just not something I feel comfortable with) to put any sort of directions regarding gifts on the invitation (besides the registry info itself). I already told my mom that I'm going to pack extremely light and basically check an empty bag in which to bring back the smaller items, lol. Anything larger we will just have to figure out how to bring back at a later time (like if a friend or family member happens to take a road trip down & wouldn't mind bringing it with them, lol). I am sure word of mouth will work just fine though! Thanks again!

MattysGirl81 · March 2009

I am traveling across the country for my shower. It will be pretty small (10-15 people) so I don't expect to get any "big" items. Hopefully people will think about it though, and realize that carrying a carseat or stroller back across the country won't be the easiest thing to do. Although you'd be surprised how many people brought large/breakable items to our wedding as gifts. I still have a set of martini glasses sitting in my parent's basement because I don't know how to get them across the country without them breaking.

rrotem · March 2009

I guess I will also agree with word of mouth. ?I went to a baby shower this summer where we got the mother a stroller but shipped it her house since we knew she was flying. ?I guess I would have thought that was a little weird if the invitation suggested it though. ??

WendyBird&Chris · March 2009

I wouldn't put it on the invitation like pp said word of mouth would be the best. And just hope you get lots of gift cards

MrsAO · March 2009

If you get big items, i.e. things that cannot be packed into the extra suitcase that you bring, just return (or have your mom) the items to the BRU in your mom's town for the store credit, and repurchase them when you get home.

It may be a bit of a hassle for you, but in my opinion, you shouldn't ask your guests to pay for shipping. You'll likely be making a few trips more trips to BRU before baby comes anyway.

kenitaw248 · March 2009

Could I see your wording? I have the same problem. My shower is in NY and I live in FL. So it will be quite a long drive if we get any big gifts.

ruthie oct3 · March 2009

We never thought about it for my wedding shower. My shower was in NY and we live in PA - it was driving distance but still - there was a lot of stuff.

We packed my car up with stuff and my moms car up with stuff (she lives in PA as well.) The rest of the stuff stayed at MILs and they brought it up as they came to visit.

I don't know what we will do for the baby shower. We will either have one in NY and one in PA or just the one in PA and invite the NYers. Family fued with the ILs family right now - so don;t know who will come.

AutumnBride929 · March 2009

MrsAO:

If you get big items, i.e. things that cannot be packed into the extra suitcase that you bring, just return (or have your mom) the items to the BRU in your mom's town for the store credit, and repurchase them when you get home.

It may be a bit of a hassle for you, but in my opinion, you shouldn't ask your guests to pay for shipping. You'll likely be making a few trips more trips to BRU before baby comes anyway.

That's genius, LOL. I never would have thought of that. The only thing would be if our local BRU down here doesn't have the same item but in that case, getting a similar pattern/item in the store or just ordering it online ourselves wouldn't be a big deal either. Thanks!

The New Mrs. · March 2009

Why don't you have her just mention it when she talks to people in person or on the phone. And you can do the same. Or maybe you can put a note at the top of your registry (there's usually a place for that) that says, it would be appreciated for any "out of town" shower gifts to be shipped vs. the limitation on flying them back. Still there but not smack in the middle of the invitation!

AnnaFleming · March 2009

The exact same thing happened for my wedding shower (shower in CA when I lived in NY) and the woman who threw the shower dealt with it beautifully. She asked everyone to ship the gifts directly to me (and told me I COULD NOT OPEN ANYTHING BEFORE THE SHOWER) and then told the guests to bring a clue as to what they purchased. So, some people wrote little poems, some people just printed out a picture of the item they purchased, some people brought one small kitchen item that would go with a bigger one. The gift opening was much more fun than a traditional shower because everyone was trying to guess what it was.

jesspacatc · March 2009

Nicavesani:

I had the same problem... We live in SC and are going to FL for the shower. I know the girls on here will probably rip me a new one, but my mom put an insert in the envelope that had a cute poem explaining that I can't take everything on the plane (If you want to read the poem I'll post it for you). With the insert, you can put it only in the peoples invites that aren't sensitive and wont be offended.

Honestly, we sent ours last week and have only gotten positive remarks about what a great idea it was! Let me know.

id like to see a copy of the poem, i'll be having one in chicago and have to travel back to ny

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