MIL called last night (beware:long vent/pity party)

Joyous1106 · March 2009

She's been calling almost every night for the last week or so, ever since my stepmom went in for her surgery. (Both my stepmom and grandma were diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had surgery in the last month and a half)

When I handed the phone over to my DH, I headed back upstairs to the bump. Then he comes upstairs to tell me that his sister is pg...again.

I could tell he didn't really want to tell me, and was prepared for waterworks. And for all that I'm happy for my ILs and they are great parents to their 3 year old, I am so sad for DH and I. Especially since at Christmas BIL was all "Hell no, no more kids yet!" and their first was totally unplanned. So last night I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry my eyes out or scream at the unfairness of it, and on top of that I feel horribly guilty for not being super excited for them. I guess I'm relieved that we won't have to face their news for several weeks, hopefully by then I can be happy for them without being visibly sad for us.

So, in lieu of crying or screaming, I convinced DH it wasn't too late for a snuggle session, even though it was, and then called a friend for a mini-pity party before bed. But I'm feeling pretty discouraged with everything going on, and I'm scared that DH and I won't conceive before something worse happens to my stepmom. She is in worse health than my 80 year old grandma, and has lumps in a breast and nodules in lung bases in addition to ovarian cancer. And I know that DH and I are still pretty early in our TTC, and there are so many women here who have been trying for years. I really don't know how you ladies deal with it; God bless you all for your perseverance!

And if you read through that entire post, thank you for your time! With everything that has gone on in this last year, I feel so close to the breaking point that I just needed to get this off my chest.

And I could also use an e-slap to stop feeling sorry for myself and count my blessings!

/vent and pity party over

annersayspoot · March 2009

*hugs*

A&Aa · March 2009

No e-slaps here. You are totally entitled to feel the way you do.

It sounds like you have a good H there though

ccbanana · March 2009

big hugs to you hun. I hope things get better.

candy_mandy85 · March 2009

I am so sorry, you have so much on your plate to worry about. It does get tough every month knowing you don't have your BFP and yet it seems everyone who wasn't trying seem to get there's I just keep trying to tell myself that my time will come and I just try to keep myself thinking of other things. I just decided I will concentrate on training for a half marathon, I hope this helps. GL to you

officers_girl · March 2009

So sorry. Big hugs to you!

babygirlpriest · March 2009

Awww - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this much stress all at once. Perfectly acceptable to throw the occasional pity-party. Just make sure it doesn't last too long.

Glad you've got a great DH to be there on the extra rough days.

mrsparker2007 · March 2009

I mostly just lurk around, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am and that I've said a prayer for your stepmother and grandmother, as well as you and your DH. We've been TTC for a long while now, but I know that even when it was early I was so excited and felt the unfairness of someone else's unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. You will be a fantastic mother and I hope it happens soon!!

wlknsnlrn · March 2009

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. ((HUGGS))

jennifer_h_rn · March 2009

Counting your blessings is always a nice thing to do, but I don't say that because you shouldn't feel the way you do -- you're totally justified! I'd be upset, too. I hope your grandmother and stepmom do well with their treatments. On a sidenote -- it's nice to see that you care so much for your stepmom... I just became a stepmom in November and I always worry what my role will be in their lives when they're adults. Good luck with everything!

Joyous1106 · March 2009

Thank you ladies for all the hugs, support, prayers, and advice. I appreciate it!

Jennifer: I've had my stepmom for almost 15 years now, and she has been a better mother to me than my "real" mom. It's sad to say, but true. She even stepped in as MOB at my wedding when my mom refused to attend. I think the best thing she has done as stepmom was to love me and not get between my mom and dad. Or at least try not to. Wink

Savat · March 2009

Don't apologize for venting. I would be venting/crying if I were in your situation too. I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time right now. If we could make it better we would in a heart beat. But at least we can listen! So vent away all you need!

Mrs.Andreazza · March 2009

Aw, I'm sorry for all the stress that you are dealing with, with your stepmom being ill and not getting pg. I will say a prayer for you and your family and hopefully your BFP is right around the corner!

EricsWife2005 · March 2009

I am so sorry about your stepmom, that must be incredibly difficult. Best of luck to you in your ttc journey.

tct1219 · March 2009

i would feel the same way. i'm sorry about your stepmom and grandma!

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