I need to vent

two-pink-shoes · March 2009

Eh, sorry this is so long

DH is a postdoc and it doesn't look like he's going to get a tenure-track faculty job (in his field, only about 5-10% of grads do). So for about a year now he has been "looking" for an industry or gov't job. He has not had ONE SINGLE INTERVIEW. When he applies for jobs he just sends his resume and cover letter in and then never does anything to follow up unless I specifically bug him to call the company. When he does call, he never finds out anything useful and doesn't tell them how interested he is, etc and sometimes doesn't even tell them his name. He says it's because he's "scared". WTF? DH has a freaking Ph.D in ASTROPHYSICS and is brilliant and has always gotten into the best schools and got the best postdocs (like at Carnegie then Hopkins) but he gets "scared" to tell people he wants a job?! He says he wants to try but can't think of anything else to do. I am getting really angry, mainly out of panic. We're living in a town that is 30 miles from both our jobs and our friends and our life is basically on hold. Plus, his current position technically is over in August (although there is a possibility for it to renew, but giving the economy I'm not holding my breath). We have occasional discussions which usually end up in me yelling at him to get off his ass and apply his intelligence to this job search and him muttering that he's sorry. I am feeling so anxious and it's giving me stomach issues and I am, quite honestly, having a hard time thinking of him in a positive light.

Anna&Matt · March 2009

Maybe you guys should sit down and talk about it sometime when you can both abstain from yelling. I know it must be frustrating for both of you but it will all work out.?

ruthymusney · March 2009

I work in an office with alot of Post-Docs and usually the Professor that hires knows the person already or they were recommended to them. Maybe he should ask his current employer if they know of any "University" that may need a post-doc when his time is up there. That could open the doors for them to tell him if they want him back after August too! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope it all works out.

Mrs_Liberto · March 2009

Ditto Ruthy. Have you considered using a search firm or getting him some one-on-one time with an interview prep person? I think your DH needs to realize that often the only pre-interview interaction (and sometimes the only interaction at all) will be over the phone, so he needs to be just as "on" when talking on the phone as he would in a face-to-face interview.

It probably is the case that he's very nervous when he's put on the spot by phone calls such as those, but he needs to have the tools to be able to shine/market himself beyond his nerves.

I know this is a fairly large generalization, but I work with a lot of brilliant PhD's and post-docs (mostly engineering, but we have a couple astrophysics folks) who can barely figure out the coffee pot and have a tough time with day-to-day social interaction. It's like their brains function on a totally different plane of existence and they have to stop and translate every so often for the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, that often can appear as though they don't care, or just don't understand jokes, or are just plain socially awkward, even when it's not the case--tough things to have show through from an interview perspective, when you have maybe 3 hours to put your best foot forward.

I hope your DH finds an awesome job soon!

two-pink-shoes · March 2009

Thanks. I'm an introvert too but sometimes I just have to deal with it. I can't hold his hand because I am gone from 6:30-5pm for work. I do try to give him a lot of things to say, but he always says he knows what to do. I suggested last night that he ask one of our friends who is a pretty successful and kind guy to be his "accountability partner" with this situation because I'm pretty frustrated.

whaaaambulance · March 2009

I understand your frustration, but at the same time - you getting mad won't help him. I am in a similar situation with my DH, only I am the one looking for jobs (although I do often call and follow up). DH is SO hard on me about it. He tells me the same thing over and over - find a new job. You NEED a new job. It is really important. Repeat. All it does is make me angry, stressed, and pressured. Just try your best to be positive and make specific, but carefully worded suggestions to him. For example, if there is a job he applied for and he should be calling to follow up, remind him of that and suggest he specifically tell them his name and that he say "I am very interested in the position so I wanted to call to be sure you received my resume and check on the status". Maybe he doesn't know what to say and if you give him a specific example, he can follow it easier. I don't know - just try to be nice to him. It isn't easy to find a job right now, and for him I imagine it is even harder given what you described of the situation.

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