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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
springtime81
member
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MIL wants DS on a leash
springtime81
member
So my DH was talking to his mom last night. She's worried about how we'll deal with DS once the baby arrives. She thinks we're going to turn our back on him in a shopping mall, park, etc. and he's just going to take off and get snatched or hit by a car. So she strongly recommends getting a "wrist strap" to make sure he doesn't disappear.
Oy.
I am not down with that. I want to teach our son to listen to us because it's the right thing to do, not because it's his only option. Right now he's developing an independent streak - he doesn't like to sit in the stroller, he likes to chart his own course. So going to malls is difficult, but I expect that to change as he matures, learns to listen, etc. The arrival of our new baby is still 6 months away, and there is a huge difference in the behavior of a 15 month old versus a 21 month old, 2 year old, etc. I'm not going to forget to watch him just because the new baby starts fussing.
A wrist strap or any other strap would have no effect at this point, because it would end up with DS face down on the floor screaming because he wouldn't have any freedom. That's not an improvement over our current situation. By the time he would be old enough to not throw a tantrum over being leashed, he would be old enough to hold our hand without doing the same.
Thanks for letting me vent 
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Re: MIL wants DS on a leash
I personally don't have any problem with them, especially when used in a crowded public environment. In my mind, they're just another tool like a stroller that keeps my child safe and makes transportation more convenient.
However, I would have a problem with my MIL trying to insert herself like that, especially in manner that implied that I needed a device like that because I might not be reliable enough to watch my child. That would piss me off.
This.
I'm one of the rare few who actually like the leashes.
Maybe it's because I live in a very crowded city where running around without a hand or a leash is simply not an option. Or maybe it's because I'm alive today because my mom had me on a leash when I was a toddler and was therefore able to yank me out of the way of a car that had decided to drive up on the sidewalk to park (this was in France).
That said, yeah, it's no business of your MIL's as to what you decide to do!
Just tell her your DS won't have time to run around because he'll be taking care of the new baby for you, ha ha ha.
Oh man, that would drive me nuts. My mom (luckily) has the attitude that she's had her turn raising her kids, and doesn't try to give us "helpful hints" when it comes to DS. I think I'd rather strap the new baby to me in a carrier, and then take care of the mobile child, you know?
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
DH and I have always joked about putting DS on a leash and already had the monkey backpack one in mind. I never really thought of it from your prespective about allowing DS to "chart his own course". Gives me something to think about.
I think the issue is the MIL, not the child restraint. I guess it depends on your relationship with her and what she has done in the past. If she was making a general statement that it would be harder to deal with your son once you have a baby, then I wouldn't be upset. But if she was trying to say that you are not capable of watching both children, then I would be upset. I agree with you that your son has many months to mature before your second child arrives. Review your situation then to see what you need to do. Regarding the leashes, we have one that is a lion shaped backpack with a tail for the leash. My son loves the "freedom" that it gives him. He feels like he is walking on his own. We have only used it a few times when we went to a zoo or a park.
I would not be happy with my MIL if she said anything like that. My MIL is always comparing thigns to when she raised her kids and trying to parent my kids when DH and I are right there and it drives me nuts and it always makes things worse. This weekend when they were over and my DD was upset about something and my DH was dealing with it, my MIL started to get involved and I nicely told her that her son was handling it and she shut right up.
In regard to the leash itself, never say never. I always said I would never get one but I honeslty thought about. My now 2 y9m old is a free spirit who loves to run. My girls are 21 months apart and for a long time, I cold not go anywhere myself if I had both of them as my older DD would take off and when dealing with the baby, holding my DD's hand just was not always an option and she often refused to let me anyway. I never did get the leash but I have friends who have them and I often told my DD that I was going to get one and she wanted it. She is finally now starting to listen and not run so its much easier but there was a good 7-8 months when I had both kids that she was really hard to go out with. My mom never understood what I was talking about until we visited her over Thanksgiving and the 3 of us went shopping and she my DD 1st hand!! Just never say never until you are living the situation.
I disagree. I can understand where you're coming from, but at this age, you cannot count on your child to listen to you, for any reason.
I want my DD to learn to listen to me because it's the right thing to do, but at this point, I'm not willing to take any chances, at all. I use a harness (a backpack with a monkey on it and the monkey's tail is the tether) whenever we go out and she doesn't want to be strapped down in the stroller. I want my child to be independent and to feel free to explore her surroundings, because curiosity is healthy. However, I do not trust her -- not yet, anyway -- to listen to me telling her where to go 100% of the time.
I wouldn't be comfortable just letting DD run free in the store, the mall, even in the library, because there are way too many disturbed people in this world who will snatch a child right in front of his/her own parents, and I will not allow myself to be powerless to stop it. By using a harness, I guarantee that I know that my child is safe at all times.
Think about it this way: you only have to blink for someone to come up and take your child from you. In the split second that your eyes are closed, your child could be gone.
I'm an advocate of harnesses, because they encourage curiosity and independence, but they still allow parents to control their children's behavior.
All that being said, I would be more than a little irritated if anyone -- MIL, SIL, sister, aunt, friend -- suggested such a thing with the implications attached that your MIL did.
I hope it works for you. I don't see teaching them to listen being any easier than teaching them not to throw tantrums because they want freedom though.
For me, DD understands directions but I'd WAY rather have her be safe with a little backpack safety harness than take the chance she'll run away. Sometimes you have to walk in the shoes to know exactly what you will or won't do. Anyway, different strokes for different folks.
The main point for you, I'm sure though, is that MIL suggested this and that would tork me off too. I'd tell her thanks for the concern (ugh) sbutr she had her chance to raise kids. Now it's your turn.