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OMG, I was so offended...(long)

heather.billyheather.billy
in 2nd Trimester

I went to my friend's BBQ this weekend (I've known her since 3rd grade) and had not seen her in a few months. I have not gained much weight yet in my pregnancy and just recently started showing (I have a tilted uterus). When I saw her the first thing she commented on was how small I was. She then asked me "is the baby growing?" This TOTALLY offended me.

Here is some background: I used to weigh 200 lbs several years ago and have worked really hard to get myself down to 115 lbs (pre-pregnancy) and have maintained this weight for the past three years. This friend has always given me a hard time about my weight loss and has made comments in the past that she thinks I have an eating disorder, even though I just eat healthy and exercise. When she made that comment to me the other day I took it as she doesn't think that I am taking care of myself and am putting my baby at-risk. I confronted her about it and told her she should know me better then that and I am not that selfish of a person to hurt my child just to avoid ganing weight. She stated that she is still concerned and is making me feel like I am doing something wrong. I assured her that DH and my doctor are not concerned and the baby is on track with his measurements. I feel like she is trying to take away from my happiness by making a comment like that instead of being supportive and happy for me. I have enough stress right now and do not need anything extra on my plate. This is really making me question our friendship...

Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent!!!

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Re: OMG, I was so offended...(long)

  • EvelynsmomEvelynsmom
    What a "b"!
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  • heather0413heather0413
    Geez, what a douche. She should be ashamed of herself, and she calls herself ur friend?
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  • lkichlkich member
    That was really rude of her. Maybe she's jealous that you were able to loose all that weight and keep it off. She doesn't need to put her insecurities onto you. I'm sure you are doing everything you can to make sure that your baby is safe and healthy and that's the important thing. Maybe she needs a time out.
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  • MizMacMizMac

    It sounds to me like she's just insecure about her own body image, and she's projecting that onto you! ?That sucks, but it's probably less stressful for you and baby to just ignore her and let it go, rather than dwell on it.

    What is up with people and weight this weekend? ?A family friend asked me how much weight I've gained on Saturday evening. ?This guy is my dad's age. ?Awkward!?

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  • JewelzNBeanJewelzNBean member
    It sounds like she has no filter between brain and mouth! I'd be totally offended, too.
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  • monicalynn1979monicalynn1979 member
    She doesn't sound like much of a friend!
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  • rebus82rebus82

    It sounds like her bitter is showing. I imagine she was jealous when you lost all the weight, and now that you're pregnant and haven't blown up like a balloon, she's probably even more bitter. Don't let her get to you, if you and your doctor aren't worried, then that's what matters.?

    I too would question the friendship of someone like that. It's one thing to not go on and on about how fabulous you look, but to blatantly comment that you look too small is just rude.?

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  • JuliaKLJuliaKL member
    imagerebus82:

    It sounds like her bitter is showing. I imagine she was jealous when you lost all the weight, and now that you're pregnant and haven't blown up like a balloon, she's probably even more bitter. Don't let her get to you, if you and your doctor aren't worried, then that's what matters. 

    I too would question the friendship of someone like that. It's one thing to not go on and on about how fabulous you look, but to blatantly comment that you look too small is just rude. 

    this.

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  • Cass&DerekCass&Derek

    I have a different view than pp. While I might agree that it does sound like your friend might be a little insecure in herself, and perhaps jealous that you do look so good, especially now being pregnant, I don't see why you would question her friendship.

    I am that friend (especially with close friends I've known for years) that is not afraid to say what I think, or am perhaps worried about with a friend, even if it might hurt their feelings. Perhaps both I and your friend could word the concerns a little better, I'd be thankful they were upfront with you, instead of telling you you look great then walking away and talking about how they think you might have an eating disorder and aren't taking care of yourself behind your back. The only part that really sucks is that your friend continued to doubt you even after you talked to her. But I still wouldn't say that's worth questioning your friendship over.

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  • married4lovemarried4love
    For a different view, maybe she was just surprised your belly isn't bigger. You did say you just started showing. I know a lot of people have no idea how big your belly should be at any point during pregnancy and say weird things. I was small with my last one and people were constantly shocked at how far along I was, but I was healthy and normal just the same. But I wasn't there, so I can't tell how it was said. When I tell people now, they look at me weird like 3 months and skinny just don't add up right.
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  • murdermuffinmurdermuffin

    She isn't a friend. She is jealous. I'm guessing she may not be as big as you were but is def bigger than you are now. You went from being her chubby friend to her hot friend and she is insecure about it instead of supportive. Now that you are pregnant and still beautiful she is intimidated, odds are when your bump comes in you will be absolutly adorable and drive her even more nuts! Stick out tongue

    Don't worry about it. You know you are taking care of the baby so remove people like this from you life now and keep going. You are going to be a mommy soon!!! You are going to be super hormonal and sensitive so stay away from her because she will just try to pull you down. As long as you aren't obsessed with your weight you are fine. Eat healthy for the baby not for your figure and don't fear the extra pounds when they come. You lost it all before and if you gain anything back you will loose it again.

     Plus there is no better reason in the world to put on a pound or two. You are creating another little human inside you.

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